I pride myself in being a strong and independent woman.
I do. And not in one of those fierce sjw over the top excruciatingly force-feminism-down-your-throat kind of ways. But in a show-rather-than-tell kind of way.
And to me – being strong and independent often manifests itself in a very obvious way: my intense desire to be able to do everything (by) myself. There’s an important distinction there. A nuance, if you will.
Because not only does strength and independence, in my book, apparently hinge on doing things ALONE. It also shockingly requires me to possess or acquire every possible skill in the world as if it were nothing.
Come to think of it…
Is kinda dumb..
You see, the thing is…that I myself, we as women and the world as a whole have an entirely unrealistic range of expectancies on the human capacity. In my honest opinion. Not just for a gender, or a race but for every single individual as a whole.
Something I can’t exactly complain about since my brain is a more than willing co-conspirator, but it still nags down there in my subconscious.
Because – even though I don’t FEEL like it’s true (for me) – I KNOW that it is impossible for any one person to be able to do every one thing that there is to be done in the world – all by their lonesome. It’s not a thing.
The fact that ‘simple’ (ugly word) things that we’re supposed to ‘just’ be able to do (like cooking…or gardening…hanging a painting…or changing a tire) have actual people making their professions out of it already suggest that there is more skill, depth and ranges of adeptness to EVERYTHING. And that, even though you very possibly can, could and would if needed do all of these things – not doing them yourself does not in any way make you more or less strong, nor independent.
I ordered curtains earlier this year. Heavy, sunblocking and ringed curtains. They were a bitch to put up. Or well, actually they weren’t. Lemme give you some context:
I ordered them for the front room first. Almost broke my neck (and the curtain rod) while trying to put them up by myself because ‘I’m a strong and independent woman, I don’t need no one to help me do nothing‘. So I struggled to balance a 2.5 meter rod with 30kg heavy fabric above my head while precariously balancing on the top of a couch and a windowsill (because I had no stepladder) for a good hour before I managed to hang ’em in pure exhaustion. And living in fear they might come down at any moment the week after.
Three weeks later another set arrived. I left them on the table for a week until loverboy came over and helped me hang them. In 15 minutes. Without breaking a sweat.
Same thing went for hanging a couple of paintings. I hung one myself once. Spent 30 minutes trying to drill a hole into solid concrete without it budging to my mini ikea cheapass drill thingy. So when the grandparents had me take two new paintings home – loverboy showed up with his pro-as-fuck drill and voila. 5 minutes. No effort.
And I’ve been dreading doing the garden work this year. I bet my neighbors extra-hate me for my unkempt garden compared to their retirement-perfected yards. Mostly because last year I tried to trim the hedges with kitchen scissors and weed out weed with a tiny knife and no gloves. This year I ordered a hedge trimmer, shears and a weed scratcher (and a load of vinegar) and things seem a lot less daunting.
The thing is: I KNOW I can do all of these things by myself perfectly fine if the occasion or necessity calls for it. But in truth, it very rarely does. Because when it comes down to it – I just don’t have the right tools or experience for a whole lot of things in life. That’s a fact.
And no matter how much my inner voice screams that I SHOULD – there’s no denying that having the right tools, skills and experience makes ANYTHING a 1000% easier. It just does.
And me thinking I should suffer and struggle through these things on my own to prove that I’m strong and independent is a warped image. Because honestly – the true strength, I realize more and more – is in getting the right tools and having the right people to help you do things better, faster and easier. Your independency follows in the getting it done. Not from the doing it yourself.
Bam. Life lesson right there folks.