The right tools

I pride myself in being a strong and independent woman.

I do. And not in one of those fierce sjw over the top excruciatingly force-feminism-down-your-throat kind of ways. But in a show-rather-than-tell kind of way.

And to me – being strong and independent often manifests itself in a very obvious way: my intense desire to be able to do everything (by) myself. There’s an important distinction there. A nuance, if you will.

Because not only does strength and independence, in my book, apparently hinge on doing things ALONE. It also shockingly requires me to possess or acquire every possible skill in the world as if it were nothing.

Which….

Come to think of it…

Is kinda dumb..

You see, the thing is…that I myself, we as women and the world as a whole have an entirely unrealistic range of expectancies on the human capacity. In my honest opinion. Not just for a gender, or a race but for every single individual as a whole.

Something I can’t exactly complain about since my brain is a more than willing co-conspirator, but it still nags down there in my subconscious.

Because – even though I don’t FEEL like it’s true (for me) – I KNOW that it is impossible for any one person to be able to do every one thing that there is to be done in the world – all by their lonesome. It’s not a thing.

The fact that ‘simple’ (ugly word) things that we’re supposed to ‘just’ be able to do (like cooking…or gardening…hanging a painting…or changing a tire) have actual people making their professions out of it already suggest that there is more skill, depth and ranges of adeptness to EVERYTHING. And that, even though you very possibly can, could and would if needed do all of these things – not doing them yourself does not in any way make you more or less strong, nor independent.

I ordered curtains earlier this year. Heavy, sunblocking and ringed curtains. They were a bitch to put up. Or well, actually they weren’t. Lemme give you some context:

I ordered them for the front room first. Almost broke my neck (and the curtain rod) while trying to put them up by myself because ‘I’m a strong and independent woman, I don’t need no one to help me do nothing‘. So I struggled to balance a 2.5 meter rod with 30kg heavy fabric above my head while precariously balancing on the top of a couch and a windowsill (because I had no stepladder) for a good hour before I managed to hang ’em in pure exhaustion. And living in fear they might come down at any moment the week after.

Three weeks later another set arrived. I left them on the table for a week until loverboy came over and helped me hang them. In 15 minutes. Without breaking a sweat.

Same thing went for hanging a couple of paintings. I hung one myself once. Spent 30 minutes trying to drill a hole into solid concrete without it budging to my mini ikea cheapass drill thingy. So when the grandparents had me take two new paintings home – loverboy showed up with his pro-as-fuck drill and voila. 5 minutes. No effort.

And I’ve been dreading doing the garden work this year. I bet my neighbors extra-hate me for my unkempt garden compared to their retirement-perfected yards. Mostly because last year I tried to trim the hedges with kitchen scissors and weed out weed with a tiny knife and no gloves. This year I ordered a hedge trimmer, shears and a weed scratcher (and a load of vinegar) and things seem a lot less daunting.

The thing is: I KNOW I can do all of these things by myself perfectly fine if the occasion or necessity calls for it. But in truth, it very rarely does. Because when it comes down to it – I just don’t have the right tools or experience for a whole lot of things in life. That’s a fact.

And no matter how much my inner voice screams that I SHOULD – there’s no denying that having the right tools, skills and experience makes ANYTHING a 1000% easier. It just does.

And me thinking I should suffer and struggle through these things on my own to prove that I’m strong and independent is a warped image. Because honestly – the true strength, I realize more and more – is in getting the right tools and having the right people to help you do things better, faster and easier. Your independency follows in the getting it done. Not from the doing it yourself.

Bam. Life lesson right there folks.

28 thoughts on “The right tools

  1. The fundamental problem you are describing here is the lack of COMMUNITY. That is it. Because this problem of having the tools is very realβ€” I am seemingly in a constant state of acquiring tools needed for first-time jobs and thus building my tools collection. And this applies both to the physical tools and the skills needed.

    But the problem is everybody is building their own collections of tools, and not SHARING. We live in vertically-structured societies (especially in the West) where each individual has potentially all the services and tools available to themβ€” but at a cost, and each person lives in their own bubble. Rather than a horizontally-structured one where things are shared at all levels. Sharing has been replaced with centralised, capitalistic trade.

    Thus we each individually buy our own recipe books, and reach an ‘ok’ standard of cooking. Rather than a few of us mastering it and SHARING that skill and food amongst the community, for FREEβ€” or rather for the GOOD of the community. The result is the sort of waste of resources and time which you’re describing. You’ll break your neck because we’re not working TOGETHER! xD

    And P.S. your last point was we don’t all have the same abilitiesβ€” exactly! So we disproportionately suffer when having to do things for ourselves. It’s very unfair.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, a lack of community seems to be at the basis of a lot of things. But as someone who strongly dislikes interactions with random people (which is kinda required in a lot of those sharing ambitions)…I kinda get why it’s not a thing as well. We can do better. Sadly I don’t think we will anytime soon :X

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no, the people should be mostly known to you! Say 1–200 people routinely dependent on each other. Even 10–20 in that situation would be enough. Or at least some, lol, instead of not even knowing our neighbours. And it’s not necessarily interacting with them but just having some kind of dependence for something.

        Perhaps people are becoming more aware of it due to antisocial media, lol.

        Like

  2. The right tools, and experience count for virtually everything. Also, knowing when to ask for help counts for a lot too. I see this all the time – where people are only too willing to help *if only others would ask, instead of struggle*. I guess the only thing that complicates it is the ass-hats that treat everything as a transaction :/

    Liked by 3 people

  3. madonna to whore
    and all what s more
    love is not lust tho we you may adore
    tulipz aside the zeider zee
    and the renknown of amsterdam
    as sung by the late american jaques brel
    what a tale to tell
    the wares for sale

    Liked by 2 people

  4. HAHa Z For Zoe Never
    Get Tired of Love
    Wife Takes Care
    Of ALL Other Duties

    Same

    Real

    All Natural

    Reason Bonobo

    Males Will Be

    Found

    At

    Ponds

    Just Kicking
    Their Toes
    Up As

    Water

    In Flow MaKinG
    Love Recipe For Peace/Joy

    Hehe Humans Forget…

    Not β€˜This’

    β€œNaked
    Hairy Monkey” 😜

    Thing Is This is
    No Joke Unless
    National Geographic

    Lies Or Maybe

    It’s β€œThe Discovery Channel”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Regarding β€˜the front yard’ and your shrubbery … Next time invite The Knights Who Say β€˜Ni’ … (don’t think they’re very helpful but at least you’ll have some fun while using your β€˜trimmer’ by your β€˜lonesome’ self).

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Love this. Is it being a strong, independent woman who doesn’t want to ask for help or is it simply not having the right tools as some others have suggested. I always assume as a homeowner and having a father who was mechanically inclined, that I should know everything there is to “surviving normal everyday life.” If only that were the case. I spent an hour putting up a mirror the other day. We weren’t really happy with it. I went out and bought a new drill, which we needed and some better fasteners, done in five minutes. Ugh. Isn’t it really a question of interest & expertise? If instead of home, it was something related to your job or something else you’re passionate about . . . I suspect you would’ve been done in no time flat. At least that’s what I tell myself when I’m in the same situation!!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Interest and expertise, I love that. And I have to agree, once I put my mind to acquiring a new skill, I suppose it would be done a lot quicker. But then, usually, I can’t be bothered. Which does explain a lot of failures. haha!
      Glad your mirror got it’s spot though!

      Like

  7. Haha I can relate with every word you said. I am the same. Sometimes though, I think it’s maybe not because I want to do every single thing myself as to just have control over them. But yes, I sometimes do struggle to admit to myself that I need help. I guess I’m afraid that would automatically translate to ‘I cannot do something’ or I am not good enough. I don’t like being dependent, but I guess at some point it is really nice to just let go and let someone help me. Even though asking for help IS the hardest thing to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The hardest things are often the most valuable too, so I suppose, the actual asking CAN be an important choice (even if it has some of those risks you mentioned)

      Like

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