I spent twenty minutes googling toddler toys today. Itty bitty piano’s that are sure to drive any parent crazy. Various animals on wheels that move in no way similar to any actual creature. Things that are fluffy, or tentacly or otherwise textured to facilitate adventurous little bastards (and undoubtedly end up getting chewed and drooled on). Pretty much all the things that define a happy early childhood and belong to something I dread: kids.
But why did you do that Zoë?
Why would you do such a thing?
Well. Let me tell you.
After my recent online shopping trips over the past week – which had me looking at various Nintendo Switch games (now that I hijacked loverboys Switch and have access to games-I-really-wanna-play) and all of the boardgames. As well as luxury vacations on tropical islands seeing as a summer vacation period was blocked in the agenda AND pretty new peplum dresses after hoping that wearing actual clothes becomes a thing again…PLUS some IKEA shopping trips to replace my dieing bunch of real plants with convenient plastic ones….my whole Facebook, Insta, mobile games AND news sites feeds were completely saturated with things-I-actually-want-to-buy.
Everyone knows the internet is stalking us. We’ve all had these moments where they suddenly knew things you wanted or needed BEFORE you asked Google. The things about our behavior that are registered, analyzed and used against us are IMMENSE. Every cookie we accept is an entry into our brain AND wallet and thus something that ‘they’ use to control our consumerism addiction. We all know this.
It never phased me much before, really. I don’t really have anything to hide. I’ve always giggled at adds shifting in place after recent searches. I’ve always had some sort of respect to the things keyboard warriors can do to data to transform it into moneymoneymoney. Good for them, I reckon. So there’s no tin foil hats here. Or rigorous ad-blocking and cookie-deleting ways. Never really did anything to un-do my online footprint.
But now that my spring-cleaning brain is in full nesting-mode….
This well-suited ad-feed was becoming an issue. Because I’ve often spoke the words: The hole in my hand is bigger than China.
So when I’m constantly prompted with things-I-want….rest assured those wily marketing geniuses will get their way. I WILL fall for those advertisement traps.
So I spent 20 minutes full-on Googling crap I REALLY DON’T WANT. Hence the baby stuff. Because that is and always will be my never-interested area of hoarding. I will never need any of that crap. Something that only gets confirmed over and over again at every babyshower, post-birth-baby-admiration-dates and parties-with-young-kids-present. They ain’t for me. Biological clock broken.
So all of their necessities?
Safe from my purchase frenzy.
Unless it’s a plushie. I would totally still for a fuzzy and cuddly thing I can take to bed with me. But I managed to click around anything fitting that category. I’m safe.
For now.
Mad trickster
Zoewiezoe 
HAha You Aren’t
Fooling Anyone
(Just A Guess
Perhaps Jest)
Yet You The
Sound
Of Your
Biological
Clock Is GRoWinG
Zoe Alarming
Yet Feel At
Ease Only Your
Shadow Knows
It Accepting
Reality
Has
Its Perks
When We Laugh
At our Shadow
And
Search
The Baby
Stuff In The
Dark Recovering
Free Again The
Human
Struggle
Our Minds
Are only
Here To Appropriately
Serve Our Shadow
(Neo-Cortex Serving
Well Established Reptile
And Limbic Brains 🧠 Trinity
Whole)
Lest
We
Become
Slave
Hehe
And Yes Pregnant
As LonG As You Express
Your Shadow In Some
Way oF Art You Will
Master
The
Alarm
And Let it
Go Off Until it Returns
Again As You Sleep in Late 🍼
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Nope. Nope. Noperdinope.
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“Noperdindope”
Sounds Rather
Hollandish
Hehe
Indeed
In Other
Words Never
Ever Pregnant
At Least For Now😜
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This is brilliant. Sometimes I like to log on to YouTube with a Tor browser, just to observe what happens when the algorithm is confused.
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And…and…and? Don’t keep us in suspense…what happens?
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You have to click on a bunch crosswalks and buses for about five minutes. Sometimes when you’re done with that YouTube still hates you and won’t let you watch anything, but if it works the algorithm is completely scrubbed clean and you will see an entirely new YouTube that you didn’t know existed.
It’s a lot of work.
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Love this, let’s confuse “big brother” with baby toys – brilliant! I’m googling ant farms and refrigerator magnets! C
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Oh no I couldn’t. I’d actually buy ant farms and magnets xD.
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Still can’t resist a stuffie. If people are dumb enough to think I buy them for my grandchildren, hey, not my fault 🙂
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A brilliant ruse I’d say!
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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I end up ordering things for my teenage daughters quite often, so Amazon probably thinks I’m some sort of cross-dressing-software-developer-motorbike-riding-cooking-workout-book-worm.
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And it probably doesn’t even think that that makes you unique. You just get pooled with the rest of ’em so you all buy the sane daughterclothes 🤣
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Plushies will never not be a necessity.
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This is a life truth if ever I saw one.
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I do the same thing! I get lost in a trap on the internet, googling things to make or buy..lol.
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Don’t we all, don’t we all, haha!
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The worst thing about being tracked by algorithms is that they can’t “read the room”, when a pregnancy results in a miscarriage (been there) or a wedding has been called off (did that pre-algorithm tracking thankfully, must be the shits to have to do it now!) My Brother’s girlfriend died of an aneurism while he’d been shopping for an engagement ring! At a minimum we should be able to go into settings and say, “Remove all xyz ads.” Recovering Alcoholics don’t need advertisements for alcohol temptations either! There’s no empathy with bots!
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Damn, those scenarios are all horrible – hadn’t even considered that. Brutal. Indeed. It’s nasty business if that is an unintended effect. Yikes!
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