I’ve already rehearsed,
Every….possible…option. Every location. Every situation.
I’ve already imagined,
Every….thing…that you could say. Would say. Should say.
I’ve already practised,
Every….thing…I might reply. Want to reply. Can’t reply.
I’ve already calculated,
Every….possible…win. Ran through every probable loss. Balanced out my arguments, and figured out yours. Mediated your demands and summarized my needs.
I’ve yelled at you, and had you yell at me – without ever making a sound. Heard shattering silverware. Slamming doors. Breaking glass. Yet not seen a single thing actually damaged.
I’ve spent so many hours combatting people. In battles never fought. In fights never battled. In clashes without a clash.
Because when I fight. I want to come prepared. But most of the time – I find I’m not prepared to actually fight.
Because what’s in my head is probably not in theirs. And the problems I see, invisible to them. The fights I imagine, not there to be fought.
And for all the preparing that I do…I hardly ever come prepared…for the fact that there’s really nothing to prepare for.
I only need to be prepared…to stop obsessing over these preparations.
Fight that need to come prepared.