Phone-phobia

As an ode to one of my biggest fear: phone calls, I’ve written a beautiful, open and honest poem.
The words run deep. You’ll see.
(not really, sarcasm is an art!).
But it does give a pretty decent overview of how my day went today, with me having to cold-call 5 people in the company because I need them for things. Dammit.

Death to the phone-call

It’s ringing.
Oh god, it’s ringing.
What if they pick up straight away. 
Wait. What if they don’t and it goes to voicemail?
What if it just keeps ringing?

What if I forget what to say? 
Wait, what’s my phone number. 
Should I mention that in my message?
Fuck. Who was I calling again?

I’m talking.
Oh god, I’m talking.
Fuck. I hate the sound of my voice over the phone.
What if they laugh at my accent.
What if I just keep talking?

What if they don’t speak my language.
Wait, what if I don’t speak theirs?
Should I hide the panic in my voice?
Fuck. Who was I calling again?

They’ve picked up.
Oh god, they've picked up.
Hello? Hello?
Hi! Hey. Hello!
Oh. Crap. It’s just their voicemail. 
I sound like an idiot.

Let me try again.
Voicemail again. 
Oh. NO. IT’S THEM. 
THEY PICKED UP.
Must. Act. Normal.
Can’t. Be. Normal.

Fuck. I hate phonecalls.

26 thoughts on “Phone-phobia

  1. When working, there were certain people I did not like calling for various reasons – they made me crazy or scared me. But I remember a personal call I made one time, to a known friend, Linda. When I got her answering machine, I went to say her name and my mind went blank. I fumbled and mumbled (probably said fuck in my head) and sounded crazy, but we still had a good laugh about it later. I felt so stupid!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Hilarious! And so relatable. I avoid these problems by never phoning anyone and I have an app on my phone that blocks incoming numbers which aren’t in my contacts.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I only get calls from people trying to sell me insurance, asking me if I was in an accident that wasn’t my fault or telling me that the tax office want to arrest me. Dread the phone ringing.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. “Do One Thing Everyday That Scares You”

    Haha No Wonder I’m No Longer

    Afraid Daily i do What Most

    Folks Fear the Most

    Being Naked in Front

    Of the World Dancing For

    One Feat of Fearless and

    True The Rest Just Naturally

    Falls And Rises in Place With SMiLes..

    Yeah i used to Be

    Shy About

    Anxious

    Interacting Around

    Folks From Phone Calls

    to in Person to Even Behind

    A Counter Standing Next to Them Zoe…

    Yet With Days, Months, Years Big Portions

    of Centuries Hehe Even “Hell Boy Version Two”
    Graduates to Something New With Enough

    Environmental

    Challenge

    Tackled

    And Brought Down

    to Size Valley Low

    And Mountain

    High

    Same

    Size Balancing
    Force Within in Flow
    All the Loving That comes

    With That Fearless And Free

    With No Desire to Harm At All

    As With Enough Practice Dealing

    With Whatever Demons We May

    Encounter In Daily Anxieties of

    Life One Day A Feather and

    The Wind Will Become

    One In Flow

    HiGHeR

    PoTeNTiaL
    FoRCE Now

    M O R E

    It All comes

    Out Naturally

    Leap Frogging over

    Human Potentials set

    iN FRoZeN Storms of Ice Before..:)

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I hate phone calls too. I hate that I can’t see the person’s face to pick up on facial cues. The struggle is real.

    All the best, Michelle

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I live on a pulley

    between a tree and a cloud…

    each of them playing their own kind of game with the air.

    But at least they don’t feel the need to ring me up about it

    and expect me to have something to say.

    I’m not up all night,

    knitting billow for a cloud who really does not need another tatty woollen mimic of what she already does far more authentically with ice crystals and vague flirtiness…

    or making rainbow ribbons to label a tree who looks cooler in a thick fluffy jacket of lichen and moss.

    I live on a pulley,

    pulled between a tree and a cloud,

    waiting to see if they ever kiss.

    🌧🌧🌳🌳🌧🌧🌳🌳🌧🌧🌳🌳

    Liked by 4 people

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