Reasons to Love

I read a blog today on ‘But, she was fierce’ who found herself in bed with a guy who asked her what she liked about him. Only to find that she couldn’t answer the question. Not easily, or effortlessly or relatively quickly, anyway. It was an eye-opener for me. (Yay, thanks to Bosssybabe, Larney and Twofivezerostories le blog was located, woohoo!)

Somehow, I always consider myself to be a very negative person. I always look at the hurdles in my way more than at the opportunities. I worry about things that needn’t be worried about, and I express this worry freely. Pessimism deems my cups always half empty (or, usually, completely empty) and complaining is my go-to move in EVERYTHING. My petnames for people are usually swearwords (but uttered with affection, pannekoek!) and I sure as hell could never really describe myself as caring, or gentle or ‘nice’. So to say I’m a fun person to be around? Big red cross. Might be my negativity talking, obviously, but yaknow. Trying to get a point across here.

Yet, when I read this blog about a girl not being able to say anything nice about a (romantic) partner she still somehow chose to have in her life…that situation boggled me. Because for all of my negativity…I CAN and WILL always see good in people. Great things. Lovely things. I see their beauty and skill and character with ease, usually. And I act on it, as well. I’m always quick to tell people I like them (although ‘love’ still is an iffy one, in that regard). As far as compliments go: if I spot something I like – I say it.

So if someone asks me what I like about them, whether they’re in any way connected to me or not, I’ll always be able to rattle up a list of reasons to enjoy their company. I suppose that’s year of college-reflection-practice and all of those jobinterview prep-sessions where you have to name your competences and weaknesses. I have an arsenal of possibilities for anyone and everyone. In a way, I guess, that gives me some confidence in my interactions as well. Because if I have a clear view on how I feel about a person, it’s way easier to adjust my behavior accordingly.

When it comes to my new amour, the answers are plenty, so far. I won’t bore you all to death with a gushy list of reasons-to-love this man (even though I could totally make one) but I will pick out one thing I’ve found myself especially appreciative of these past couple of weeks:

My amour is one of those people who listens. Like, actually…attentively… listens to (or reads) what I have to say. And remembers it. And then acts on that memory, as well. It’s something that I’ve personally always done as well (until my memory started acting up, but that’s not something I can easily fix so any lapses in that regard will have to be forgiven) but haven’t found in others all that often. And I love that. Birds of a feather flock together and all that, right?

I also hate it, a lot, when my own words (that I often can’t even remember) are used against me, but that’s a complaint for a different day. But mostly – I’m overjoyed when proof is delivered that he sees me as who I am, and treats me the way those needs dictate.

For instance: When I like a person (just like, doesn’t have to be love) I make an effort to remember their preferences. My love language is totally food and drink, so when I want to show affection – I’ll do this by making sure my house is stocked with things they like.

If you’re a beer drinker, I’ll make sure there’s beer in the house even though I don’t drink it and it might be lying there abandoned for months until you come by again. Hell. If you tell me exactly what beer is your favorite – I’ll make sure that one is always in my fridge. (Can you imagine, me during summer season? I have 5 different types of beer in the fridge for the different friends that come over for bbqs…and I don’t even drink beer!). Same goes for sodas. Or snacks. Or dinner, if you’re lucky enough to be one of the few people I’ll dare cook for.

And my amour? He’s the same way and it’s awesome.

First time I showed up to his house he made sure that there was milk and cereal for breakfast. Even though he’s lactose intolerant and doesn’t eat cereal. Same goes for a constant stock of vanilla coke (even though he drinks cherry himself and despises vanilla) and wine (again – he dun drink the stuff). Whatever food-preference (or other needs, to be fair) I’ve indicated in the past: he remembers and honors. It’s the MOST efficient way to make me feel loved and appreciated, I’ve come to find. Feed me the things I like and I’ll love you forever. It’s that easy.

So if anyone were to pop that question (not the ring type, but the ‘why do you love him’) one? That answer shoots straight to the top of the list and tip of my tongue. I sure as hell couldn’t imagine getting stuck in bed with someone I couldn’t say anything nice about. That sounds pretty damn impossible to me (and like a reason to NOT be in a bed with that person, to begin with, honestly).

But what I’m really trying to say is:
Find reasons to love people, folk. Whether romantically or not. And make sure they know that you see them. Because that type of consideration is enough to keep any engine running, no matter how small the gesture.

58 thoughts on “Reasons to Love

  1. my opinion is that there has not to be a reason to love somebody. Do you feel good with a relation you’re in or not. Love is a feeling not a knowing or cutting your partner into pieces to find the good parts. .

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Amen to this . . .

    “Find reasons to love people, folk. Whether romantically or not. And make sure they know that you see them.”

    This is a key to building better relationships, I believe.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I very recently found myself in this type of situation, where if someone asked me why I loved my (now ex) partner, I’d find it difficult to give them an answer. Honestly? I never ever thought something like this would ever happen to me because I’ve always been a very loving and caring person, I still am, and I’ve always been the kind of person who would never be with someone just ’cause y’know? I guess there’s a first time for everything.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I think that might possibly be one of THE strongest indicators that you’re not with who you’re supposed to be. Glad to hear you chose yourself in the end then, that opens up doors to all the people that DO have those reasons to deserve your love 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  4. https://wp.me/p9rzER-ga
    I totally agree, people don’t often hear the great qualities they embody. Sometimes a kind gesture / short and sweet card could make all the difference in someone’s day! I’m a pretty stubborn person but whenever I get into it with my husband, after a while of sulking in my stink I always tell myself (if I was the one in the wrong), me apologizing would probably signify more to him than me not apologizing would mean to me… And that’s generally about the time I decide to grow up LOL but man, it’s not often that I think I’m wrong I’ll tell you that much!!! LOL

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Woohoo! Thanks for the link!
      I LOVE the way you phrased that. ‘sulking in my stink’. Literally ME.
      And that way of viewing it as meaning more to them to do it, than not doing it does to you…I’m going to remember that. Thanks!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. “I always tell myself (if I was the one in the wrong), me apologizing would probably signify more to him than me not apologizing would mean to me”

        Couldn’t have phrased it any better!
        😃

        Liked by 2 people

  5. To be fair this was one of a few catalysts for the end of my past relationship. My nan asked me one day what I loved about him at the time, and I couldn’t think of anything. I mean, yeah he was nice, generous and had lovely eyes- but that’s it? Things I could say everything and more about 99% of my friends, and loved ones. You have to have that glue of reasons to be together.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I can imagine how that might be confronting to discover. Some things are just not enough, in the end. You do really need those key ingredients that really bring you together with someone, indeed!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I like your post cause you’re telling a lot of truth, it’s easy for people to state things they don’t like about someone close to them or not, but it becomes difficult to state a few things that they like about that person. I personally believe it’s the little stuff that a person does that makes us want to stay close to them and the sooner we learn to appreciate that the better.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. “As far as compliments go: if I spot something I like – I say it.”

    I am the same way. Sometimes, I don’t understand why people hoard compliments.

    By the way, your amour sounds like a fantastic person. I’m glad y’all crossed paths.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Haha – which one of us is the evil twin, in that case?

      As to what I like about you?
      That’s easy – your enthusiasm. Obviously. And I don’t just mean that you come across as a happy go lucky person in your comments, but I mean that you actually find the good in things and show the world that THAT enthuses you. And by making those things visible, you allow other people to look and see them, appreciate them and maybe change their perspective as well. Muchas awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s very sweet of you to say. I find I fester in negativity often, and struggle with depression, but I will be the first to admit that my online personality is nothing like my real life personality.

        I have vowed (to myself mostly) that if/when I meet bloggers, I will keep that life separate from my regular, family and IRL friends life. I like the person I am online, and even if I meet bloggers in life (I have once or twice before) I do not want to mix the two lives/personalities together.

        Maybe I’m weird, but that’s how I feel. 🙂

        Always a pleasure chatting with you. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I think, in the end, even with depression and negativity…your online persona will melt through in your personal life as well.
        At least, it sounds like that might be a good thing on that part, right?

        But keeping the two zones separate…I totally get that need, although it wouldn’t really work like that for me!
        Don’t think I’ll ever meet a fellow blogger seeing as most my readers are off out in the world. But if I do…I dunno. I think my personalities are pretty much the same anyway so won’t have to worry about that myself…

        Liked by 2 people

  8. “So if someone asks me what I like about them, whether they’re in any way connected to me or not, I’ll always be able to rattle up a list of reasons to enjoy their company.”

    So what do you like about me?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think the thing I appreciate about you most is the way your brain seems to make connections and how you explain those connections in you writing and comments here. Like, when you read a blog of mine, you’ll often comment how that related to you and possibly share the story that belongs with that feeling. That way of connecting outside elements to your own experience and memories, I think that’s awesome. Especially since my memory kinda sucks these days!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think back to my past relationships, I am likely one of your older readers at 51 and now removed by decades from my dating days I can say I fell in love with just about every woman I was involved with. When I do reflect I ask myself why? Is it because I am older now and I have the ability to reflect back and only look at positives? No, the answer is then, and now, I found things to love about each one of them even if I had to pry it out of them. I didnt have hundreds of lovers, 14 sounds right, not including my wife.

    I dated more then that, not everyone you date becomes a lover and I did I fall in love with all of them? Probably not Im being a bit hyperbolic but my point is, if you look hard enough you can find something to love about most people, once you get past the carnal desire/lust phase.

    Great post!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I could not agree with you more!
      I strongly feel that there’s something to love about literally everyone out there. Not saying everyone is worth finding that thing about them, nor that you should – but the knowledge that there is…kinda makes me feel safe. Sort of. If that makes sense.

      And 14 in 51 years? You’re definitely not going to reach the hundreds anymore, methinks 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Birthdays and Christmas – I love getting food/drink presents which show that people have remembered what I like. I’m less good at reciprocating though, oops!

    Listening – such an underrated skill. At Samaritans it was surprising how often people felt better just from talking about their situations, even if their problems were objectively not any closer to being solved. And I see the ability to listen as a good indicator of whether someone actually cares about you. I’ve cut out several people from my life because the friendship was always one-way.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I’ve just remembered some interesting psychology… apparently it’s very common for people to *retroactively* find justifications for why they have done something, but they don’t notice the fact it’s a retroactive justification. In other words, our unconscious mind often makes decisions for us based on factors we’re not consciously aware of. But when we are later asked about our reasons for doing a certain thing, our brain confabulates an appropriate-sounding reason on the fly, which we totally believe. It’s fascinating!

    Liked by 5 people

  12. Beng! WoW! 🔥

    “Find reasons to love people, folk. Whether romantically or not. And make sure they know that you see them”

    #mademyday

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Such an interesting post, your writing captures me from beginning to end, but the question remains why would you be with someone you truly didn’t care for? Loneliness is the only thing that came to mind, perhaps she was lonely and just wanted companionship if only briefly? The pandemic has created an untenable situation for those who are single. I’m forever grateful for the man I lay down with each night and I make sure he knows that I “see him.” C

    Liked by 5 people

    1. As you should!
      And I’m sure he feels the love.

      but yeah. I suppose boredom…or loneliness. Or just the fear of ending up alone…they might all lead to choices like that. Still. It must suck, I imagine.

      Liked by 2 people

  14. The first paragraph says it all..the reasons for loving a person should come to mind almost immediately, as if it was there all along, and if that doesnt happen, then that indicates a very real hidden meaning! I’ve witnessed this first hand (and was NOT at the receiving end) but it took me a lonnnnnggg time to figure out what ur basically saying in this article and I hope someday I find that person for whom I can give that answer readily 🙂🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Loved reading this. I find that I am also sometimes a pessimist and have a hard time realizing the good in every day. That said, I am always first to compliment someone when I see the good in them. It’s so strange how our minds can twist us go feel so bent up about ourselves but then outwardly feel so different about others.

    Liked by 1 person

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