I read a blog today on ‘But, she was fierce’ who found herself in bed with a guy who asked her what she liked about him. Only to find that she couldn’t answer the question. Not easily, or effortlessly or relatively quickly, anyway. It was an eye-opener for me. (Yay, thanks to Bosssybabe, Larney and Twofivezerostories le blog was located, woohoo!)
Somehow, I always consider myself to be a very negative person. I always look at the hurdles in my way more than at the opportunities. I worry about things that needn’t be worried about, and I express this worry freely. Pessimism deems my cups always half empty (or, usually, completely empty) and complaining is my go-to move in EVERYTHING. My petnames for people are usually swearwords (but uttered with affection, pannekoek!) and I sure as hell could never really describe myself as caring, or gentle or ‘nice’. So to say I’m a fun person to be around? Big red cross. Might be my negativity talking, obviously, but yaknow. Trying to get a point across here.
Yet, when I read this blog about a girl not being able to say anything nice about a (romantic) partner she still somehow chose to have in her life…that situation boggled me. Because for all of my negativity…I CAN and WILL always see good in people. Great things. Lovely things. I see their beauty and skill and character with ease, usually. And I act on it, as well. I’m always quick to tell people I like them (although ‘love’ still is an iffy one, in that regard). As far as compliments go: if I spot something I like – I say it.
So if someone asks me what I like about them, whether they’re in any way connected to me or not, I’ll always be able to rattle up a list of reasons to enjoy their company. I suppose that’s year of college-reflection-practice and all of those jobinterview prep-sessions where you have to name your competences and weaknesses. I have an arsenal of possibilities for anyone and everyone. In a way, I guess, that gives me some confidence in my interactions as well. Because if I have a clear view on how I feel about a person, it’s way easier to adjust my behavior accordingly.
When it comes to my new amour, the answers are plenty, so far. I won’t bore you all to death with a gushy list of reasons-to-love this man (even though I could totally make one) but I will pick out one thing I’ve found myself especially appreciative of these past couple of weeks:
My amour is one of those people who listens. Like, actually…attentively… listens to (or reads) what I have to say. And remembers it. And then acts on that memory, as well. It’s something that I’ve personally always done as well (until my memory started acting up, but that’s not something I can easily fix so any lapses in that regard will have to be forgiven) but haven’t found in others all that often. And I love that. Birds of a feather flock together and all that, right?
I also hate it, a lot, when my own words (that I often can’t even remember) are used against me, but that’s a complaint for a different day. But mostly – I’m overjoyed when proof is delivered that he sees me as who I am, and treats me the way those needs dictate.
For instance: When I like a person (just like, doesn’t have to be love) I make an effort to remember their preferences. My love language is totally food and drink, so when I want to show affection – I’ll do this by making sure my house is stocked with things they like.
If you’re a beer drinker, I’ll make sure there’s beer in the house even though I don’t drink it and it might be lying there abandoned for months until you come by again. Hell. If you tell me exactly what beer is your favorite – I’ll make sure that one is always in my fridge. (Can you imagine, me during summer season? I have 5 different types of beer in the fridge for the different friends that come over for bbqs…and I don’t even drink beer!). Same goes for sodas. Or snacks. Or dinner, if you’re lucky enough to be one of the few people I’ll dare cook for.
And my amour? He’s the same way and it’s awesome.
First time I showed up to his house he made sure that there was milk and cereal for breakfast. Even though he’s lactose intolerant and doesn’t eat cereal. Same goes for a constant stock of vanilla coke (even though he drinks cherry himself and despises vanilla) and wine (again – he dun drink the stuff). Whatever food-preference (or other needs, to be fair) I’ve indicated in the past: he remembers and honors. It’s the MOST efficient way to make me feel loved and appreciated, I’ve come to find. Feed me the things I like and I’ll love you forever. It’s that easy.
So if anyone were to pop that question (not the ring type, but the ‘why do you love him’) one? That answer shoots straight to the top of the list and tip of my tongue. I sure as hell couldn’t imagine getting stuck in bed with someone I couldn’t say anything nice about. That sounds pretty damn impossible to me (and like a reason to NOT be in a bed with that person, to begin with, honestly).
But what I’m really trying to say is:
Find reasons to love people, folk. Whether romantically or not. And make sure they know that you see them. Because that type of consideration is enough to keep any engine running, no matter how small the gesture.