Thoughts on the Hunt

Men like the chase – they say.
Remnants from earlier times, where they were the hunters and we mere women the gatherers. Where a good clubbing over the head, and being dragged into a cave was considered foreplay and where consent was a word not yet invented. An easier time, I wager, regardless of all of the dark sides that come with it. Someone with a spare time machine around?

Men like the hunt – they say.
We live in an age where playing hard to get has been turned into an artform on both sides of the battlefield of love, with a hidden side of desperation that I’ve never really gotten the hang of. The etiquette of replying (or rather, not replying) has taken up entire books in our relationship discourse, and there’s goddamn workshops teaching people how dating works these days because ain’t nobody understand it if they’re not taught. It practically takes a degree these days, to figure out the do’s and don’ts of the dating world.

I mean, the fact that there’s now a word for people randomly disappearing of of the face of (your) world for whatever mystical reasons possible (#ghosting) – should tell you enough about how the hunt for these men (and women) is merely a pastime, as foxhunting was in the earlier ages. But if you didn’t want to be disowned by your rich noble daddy, you best still get on that horse and show the other bloodlines how it’s done (aka: not dating is practically not an option either. You can’t call it quits for fear of societal judgment).

When dating has become a sport instead of a genuine search for a massive part of a population, it becomes increasingly hard to find yourself in a mindset required to withstand the torrents of (online) dating. Or maybe that’s just the way my brain works. I don’t like having to do things that are expected of me, in the required ways, merely to conform to what everyone else is doing. I rather do things my way. Which, in the dating world, isn’t a great success when your way is different to the current tactics.

I used to not-think about all of these things all to much. In a time where dating was fun, I felt no wear and tear from the applied tactics, strange escapades and annoying time-wastes that came with a search for love (or fun). ‘It was all fun and games’.

So it never really mattered if the other party replied swiftly, or once a week, or ever at all. There were no thoughts about ‘what if he doesn’t message me right away’. No meaning attached to a shorter-message-than-usual or a disconnected dating profile. I didn’t have to time my replies to not seem too eager. Or too busy. Too desperate, or not interested enough or –insert 100s of other options here-. Things just flowed naturally (or didn’t), and all of that was fine. Red flags didn’t exist and dating was energizing all around.

But the ease with which I navigated the hunting parties once upon a different era – is no longer.
These days I find red flags where there are none, and find turn-offs in the weirdest of corners. Finding the drive to make an effort has become so fucking hard, and opening up more and more of an impossibility. No clue why.

These days I also wonder at my own red flags and the obvious flaws in my beautiful self that seem to be a deterrent for any person even remotely decent. I mean – I guess it MUST be me, seeing as I’m the common denominator in all of these dating horror stories. I can find boatloads, but none of them new, so there must be something else that’s changed, although I can’t figure out what that is. It can’t just be the higher number in the ‘age’ category. Can it?
Or maybe it can. They do have all of these memes that at an advancing age all the good ones are either gay, taken or damaged goods. Which puts me solidly in that last category, even though I quite like the way all my pieces are glued together.

But then I also find myself agreeing with my choices to not-make-the-first-move anymore. And the approach of ‘letting them decide the tempo’. Even when that tends to mean a quick fade and quiet death to any budding romance. Cause and effect, but without any knowledge on the whole question of the chicken and the egg. What came first – the unwillingness to try, or the lack of success. Did I stop trying because whatever the hell I was doing wasn’t working – or are things not working because I stopped trying.

Maybe I should join one of those clubs where they shoot clay pigeons. Learn how to properly hunt first. Put some holes in all of the red flags next time. That might work.

40 thoughts on “Thoughts on the Hunt

  1. “Finding the drive to make an effort has become so fucking hard, and opening up more and more of an impossibility.” – I SO GET YOU! This post is so effing relatable! The other day a date offered to pick me up but later got caught up and asked me to directly meet at the café – and I cancelled because that was too much effort!
    “Did I stop trying because whatever the hell I was doing wasn’t working – or are things not working because I stopped trying.” – Seriously! Which one is it?
    The first thing I do after meeting someone guy- is to start counting red flags and finding things that are wrong with him! At the first sign of some major baggage – I’m outta there!
    When did dating become so hard? :/

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dating has turned into a real pain in this current social climate. In my case, being in a different country altogether with a markedly different cultural approach to dating doesn’t help either 😓 but I still believe there’s romance out there for those willing to persevere.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I’m now living in Japan and the dating standard isn’t the same as in the West, so it’s a bit challenging to adapt. I’m not used to being the one who has to get the attention of a man 😅 it’s so stressful and borderline embarrassing tbh but I suppose I can learn from the women here lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 🤣 I’ve only been here a year, but so far, in my experience most of the men tend to be quite shy. While the “gaijin-hunters” (Japanese men who fetishize foreigners) tend to be the bolder ones 😒

        Liked by 1 person

  3. A really interesting and unique take that both reads well and resonates. The notion of it taking ‘practically (takes) a degree these days, to figure out the do’s and don’ts of the dating world’ is equally an hilarious and horrifying notion! Well done! Bulls-eye!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m just a swirly cloud of heartache, standing in front of a swirly ring of sparkly potato chips, wanting to drift close and nibble awhile in some semblance of orbit before there are no more stars to weep.
    🌟 🌟 🌟
    Yeah, I wasn’t convinced either. But I do have the potato chips – and, to be fair, you did say you liked cheesy flavours.
    🧀🧀🧀
    (No hidden meaning here. Just restless fingers and that sense of yearning you get from looking through a window that doesn’t see far enough. But at least nobody got clubbed over the head).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SMiLes Zoewie Zoe As A Participant Anthropology Observer, Now, One
    Of three Degrees i Earned in College at once, in ’83, i Did a Short
    Stint As Associate in Archaeology Digging up Relics,
    Mostly Tagging and Bagging Subsistence
    Items Like Fragments of
    Bone And Charcoal;
    Oh God That Was
    So Boring As Well
    While Working in a Bookstore
    At College Putting those Dam
    Magnetic Strips in the Books

    So Students Wouldn’t

    Steal Frigging

    Boring

    Business

    Books in the Stock

    Room Tearing Down

    Boxes Putting Them

    Together Boxing Up

    Books to Send

    Greeting

    The UPS

    Dude Who Did that

    Job For Frigging 40 Years
    or so Still See Him Around Town in his
    Brown Paper Bag Card Bored Box Uniform
    Rushing to the Next Stop to Deliver more
    Double Car Garage CR8P to eventually

    Sell in Yard Sells

    From Homes

    That House

    No Drive Way Cars
    Oh Yes That Third
    Job i Held of Janitor BoRinG
    While Earning the Other
    2 Degrees in Full School
    Workload Health Science
    And Social Sciences Interdisciplinary

    Too True my Nick Name then Was “You

    Must Be Superman” to Do all that at once

    Then by A Lovely Class Mate i was still

    Too Dam Poor to Take on a Date Peanut

    Butter Sandwiches in a 1970 Ford Maverick

    With No Heat or Air-Conditioning Yet Lasting

    250,000 Miles of Commuting to the Next Town Over Still Living

    At Home With Mama to Earn those 3 Degrees And Make Enough

    Money to Do it with those Boring Boring Jobs at the College too…

    Oh God Yes! Oh God Yes! Yet When i Could Finally Afford

    Those Contact Lenses

    And The Girls Finally

    Got to Sink into

    my Blue

    To Changing Impassioned

    Green Eyes it all Changed

    i Became a Prized Possession

    By At Least A Few Young Women Who

    Could Afford to Take me out on a date…

    It’s Safe and Not So Safe to Dance Sing i EnDeD

    UP in Some Very Interesting Places

    When ‘Clark Kent’ Finally

    Gets To Shed 2 Glass Eyes

    Yet another Blog For those

    Stories indeed

    Oh in the Spring

    Wild of A Glance

    of Ebony Eyes Across

    A Room and then another

    Glance Another Day When

    Blue And Green Meet Brown

    Coming Closer to meet

    And Greet

    Smiles

    And Jesus F in Christ
    i don’t Even Get Paid
    Still Now for this Volunteer
    Job of Anthropology Participant

    Observer Yet Studying Dance Hall
    Days Even Going With ‘Birth Control’

    of Shades to Cover my Eyes Hehe..

    It’s a Lot Different Grinding Butts Come

    to the Front And Never Even Turn Around

    To See A Face After the Moon Has Felt Her pleasure…

    And Here is the thing About it A Dude will Never Forget

    A Gift Like that Yet it will Never Touch HiS HeART SoUL

    SPiRiT LiGHT

    the Parts

    That are

    Missing

    Most Sadly

    Today i truly

    Pity the Life of

    Swipe Left and Right

    Yet it is the Price a Species

    That is Destroying the Rest of

    Nature Out of Balance Pays

    Nothing Left Much of SoUL

    HeART SPiRiT and Perhaps

    Not Even Body Parts to GRiND… Yet

    There is Still Poetry And Entire Nations

    of Women Folk Who Still Love to Be Touched

    by More Than SKin….

    Yet not

    Likely

    The Men

    Folk That Much

    Hasn’t changed
    Much in 60 Years

    At Least Where i LiVE iN
    Trump Town Hell USA For Real….

    Yep never a Better Day for An Anthropologist

    And A Longest Form Poetry Epic Free Verse Write

    of the Condition of The Condition

    Today… again

    to return

    to
    do
    it again..

    So Fascinating

    It is to Live in Hell and Heaven too..

    Strikes And Gutter Balls Strikes And Gutter Balls That’s Life

    Still in the Big-10-Pin-Alleys of Life ALL THoRNS And FLoWeRS

    of

    Roses

    STiLL

    RiSinG

    FaLLinG

    RiSinG AGaiN

    All That’s Left to

    Dance and Sing

    Is Have a Nice Day!

    ‘FoRResT Gump’ Comes
    Again And Nah i don’t Mind
    Whatever Magazine (Hehe or Candy Crush Game) Ya
    Care To Read/Do While i Tell My Story At ‘The Bus Stop’ HeaR..;)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Smartphones and the pandemic: twin causes of reduced face-to-face interaction, which I feel is at the root of several societal issues, not least the increasing complexity of dating.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Another thought: one strategy is to always say what you believe to be true as clearly and honestly as you can. In other words, no game playing. I like this approach, it keeps everything simple.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Trying to find the answer, when we don’t really know what the question is, could be kind of difficult. But I guess if you’re searching for the solution you’ll never get to the conclusion. I think it’ll just happen one day when you least expect it to. Effortlessly. 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m a firm believer that quitting in hopes of things happening naturally is the same as sitting down on the beach and waiting for the tide to reach you, while you could just walk into the water and be swimming a whole lot sooner, hahaha!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I blame all these new and very stupid “dating rules”. It’s like you’re in a maze tucked inside another maze. It’s filled with ‘read between the lines’ answers, weird texting intervals and vague male and female behaviour. Sometimes I wanna scream I’M NOT CLAIRVOYANT JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN but this is world of dating I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh my…I am so glad I don’t have to navigate the dating scene in these modern times. It sounds like a horror movie. I cannot understand why people would find it entertaining to play around with other people’s feelings, and I also cannot understand that if two people like each other, why they can’t just say so and get on with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. As usual your posts are extremely entertaining, very best of luck with your quest to find the perfect man for you, he’s out there somewhere, maybe you know him already, maybe at the moment he’s a complete stranger, one day you will see him and realise he’s the one.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL if a man wants to stay in a good relationship with a woman then he has to put in a lot of effort to show her every day how much he loves her and how much he appreciates her, i know thats old fashioned thinking, but thats because im a old man lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. After seeing your blog several times I decided to visit.

    Unfortunately, it seems guys only mature physically… but you can’t put every guy in the same bucket.

    I drove myself crazy trying to find a good woman. Some craziness to which I’ve never recovered lol🤪

    Like

  13. This are profound thoughts, really. I guess it only makes sense sometimes. Humans are getting incredibly complicated by the minute and efforts to simplify things are seemingly compounding everything. Who knows? Maybe we’ll get lucky or just wait for the simpler times to come back round.

    Liked by 1 person

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