Classy or trashy?!

Sometimes there’s things about ourselves that we don’t understand, no matter how hard we try, right? I often experience that, on different topics and occasions, at least.

One of the things that comes most vividly to mind – is sexuality. Not that I’m confused on whether I’m straight or gay or anything in-between those line or outside of the box or any of the plethora of other terms people these days are using. I’m not. I’ve got a firm grip on the things that I like and that I don’t like. All good in that department. Total clarity.

I’m also not confused about whether I like sex or not. Definitely not something that is even a question. And not something anyone would ever get wrong about me, I think. It’s one of those oozingly obvious things, I’m told. Easy to spot, impossible to deny. And instantly admitted when prompted. (Especially seeing as I just wrote a blog on writing erotica somewhere last week).

Yet, the fact that I’m writing this (again), on a public blog, where people (*gasp* maybe even family and colleagues) might read this – still scares me to no end (but I have a bit of an adrenaline junkie streak so hey, still writing it). Plus, honestly, there shouldn’t be any shame in this, anyway.

And THAT is where my confusion starts. The interesting divide between being and showing. It puzzles me to no end. Why? Well….

I like sex. There. I’ve said it. Shocker (!!), even in this day and age, to say out loud.
Strange right, seeing as everyone and their mother is totally doing it.

But that’s the way it is. I don’t even mind talking about it, out loud or in text or in any other way possible. Even when it’s highly inappropriate (yes, I’m THAT colleague. Or friend. Or barely-acquaintance-in-a-bar-very-loudly-speaking-about-escapades). It’s not something I feel should be hidden, or skirted in conversation. Denied and hushed and ignored. Nope. I can and WILL drop all of the ambiguous comments and naughty jokes in any and all conversation.

And though my comfortable-ness in regards to the topic of sex often makes the people around me very uncomfortable, I’ve never really let that stop me (maybe I should have, might’ve had some interesting positive effects on my current quality of life…but that is something I’ll never know). When it comes to my ‘sexuality’ (as in me, as a sexual creature) – it’s just out there. I guess. Sorry not sorry.

Except for when it comes to the physical representation of said sexuality. I have a dirty mind, dirty mouth and dirty fantasy that can last a withering woman for those long and lonely months. And in the realm of actual execution – I ain’t no nun. But when it comes to make-up, clothing and the very important element to any sexual interaction: bodies? I falter.

When it comes to my clothing choices? I’m always the type that’s rather safe than sorry. Total prude. The more I cover up, the braver I feel and that…that kind of annoys me. I’ve always had an appreciation for the people who are comfortable enough to show skin and revel in the power of their bodies. I love looks with miniskirts or crop tops or low-cut dresses with cut-outs. I can’t wear them though. I just. Can’t.

My skirts are under the knee (or get pulled there). My tops are closed-cut and usually lean towards turtle necks. I still have horror-memories of that one time I wore a tube tops and that turned into a constantly-nervously-pulling-it-up-higher-mess.
My dresses are full of fabric and have no strange holes in different places than those that are limb-required.
Not saying that you can’t dress enticingly when you do cover up (I still have a style that tends to show all the right things in all the right ways, in my book) but actually wearing something that’d fall in the ‘risky/trashy’ category? Yikes!

And just the thought of going to a public spa/sauna type of deal (I’ve never done so, and am pretty sure I never will) is straight up terrifying to me. Showing my body? Seeing those of others? Nudity? Visible skin? Fuck no.

It makes me wonder what makes those things feel so different. Makes me wonder where the line is. It makes me think about why I’m comfortable with what I’m comfortable with – and why I fear what scares me. Most people find talking about sex a lot harder than wearing something revealing. A lot of people can easily go to a sauna, but wouldn’t admit they’ve done the dirty deed. So – where did my wires get crossed?

This post was prompted by the fact that I’m seeing some friends this afternoon and I was pondering my clothing options. Which ended up with me delving up a top that I bought somewhere post-break-up when I decide I was going to do the single thing, and do it hard, and put myself out there while feeling sexy-schmexy as fuck.

You know you’re not a daring dresser when the top scares you so much you don’t dare show your face, right ;)?

You might be able to guess: this top has never been worn, been banished to the bottom of a pile of ‘can’t-wear-in-public-clothes’ that I keep as evidence for my trashy (yet unexecuted) tendencies. Yet, every so often, I put it on and try to convince myself that I CAN totally wear this. That I’m brave enough in my body and sexuality. That I could give less than 0 fucks about the opinions of the rest of the world. That I’m a strong and independent woman and I do what I want. That it’s just cleavage, that ain’t ever killed nobody (I hope, that would be a weird ‘motorboating’ accident...)

And then I throw it back in the closet.

WHY – oh devious lord of the sensuous and sexually daring. Why?!

But not today. Today I’m wearing this top. Over. Done. It’s happening.
And as luck will have it the friends I’m seeing will love and not-judge me for it. Cause they’re awesome.

22 thoughts on “Classy or trashy?!

  1. No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen. You look absolutely beautiful and a great person to be around 👌😊

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I get you! And I think you look stunners but I also kinda like the idea of keeping the hot bod comfy and leaving the unwrapping of the present for later. Whatever makes you comfortable!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ‘Excellent Therapy’ Zoe
    Baby It’s Impossible to
    Be Comfortable
    With Our
    Whole
    Soul
    If We Are
    Uncomfortable
    In Expressing

    All

    The Gifts

    Of Our (Nature)

    Our Bodies

    This Ignorance

    Comes From
    A Long Human
    Clothes Line

    Of Imagination

    That We Are
    Some How

    Separate

    And Greater

    Than The Rest
    Of Nature When

    In Fact

    We aRe The

    Most Lost Imprisoned
    In Clothes Away From Our
    Own Nature

    In

    This

    Way We
    Wear ‘Slaves’
    All The Tools

    And

    Name
    Them

    Our Reality
    Beyond Who
    We Even Are

    Fabulous
    Feeling
    Sensual Beings

    With No Need

    To Shave

    This

    Reality Away…

    Yet True Clothes
    May Also Be Used
    To Push-Up Bra

    This

    Propensity

    As Well Fine

    Arts You Present *Applause*
    Hehe Last Night in A Store
    5 Young Women Begged
    Me To Dance With
    Them For A Tik
    Tok Video

    They

    Literally

    Chased

    Me Down

    The Store

    Aisles
    i Said
    i’m 60
    Okay As Long
    As You Stay

    10 Feet

    Away

    Pandemic
    Conditions Rule Hehe

    Online Always Virus 🦠 Free

    My Wife Passed The
    Young Women
    Walking Away
    Giggling

    Exclaiming

    ‘That Was
    Awesomely Wild’

    i Made Someone

    SMile You Made
    me SMile Today

    Just

    To

    See You
    Free To Be You

    We All Deserve This
    NO ONE Takes

    my Free
    To Be me away…

    We Can’t make
    Everyone Smile

    Yet

    We

    Will
    Be A Difference…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like to wear a shirts woven from my own failure as a human being so that others might look on my shabby life and feel better about their own, basically in the hope of winning a major humanitarian award and thereby turning my shabby existence into international kudos and an intergalactic space owl companion of my very own.

    But hey, that’s just me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Like the jeans and belt combo btw.
      Classy enough to deserve a mention… maybe even their own tv series, but that stuff would be way out of my remit.

      I go now to dream of a world fit for magical owls.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yeaahhh!!! You go!!! And you look HOT! I feel the same in a lot of ways because I’ll say something sexual around my sister and she is always glaring at me because I dared to say something about sex. I don’t think you should change who you are, I’m gonna keep embarrassing my sister until the conversation is so open, there is no risk of embarrassment because SEX is a natural human thing!!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Lots to say on this topic –or at least lots of things rolling around in my brain. Let’s see how many I am able to get on the page and how organized they will be–I have barely started my coffee.
    Regardless of how sexy clothes are, it is actually the person wearing them. I remember being in a class and the woman next to me commenting about another students something like “she looks naked even with clothes on.”
    Yes, we can feel empowered by our choices, but we want to be empowered. The thing is, when we recognized how empowered we now are, we realize that it too came from inside.
    Based on your writing, anyone who knows you well, will find that the sexiest thing. Bold honesty is powerful. If it works when you are speaking, then it works on paper too.
    Dress the way you want. Own it and love it.
    The top does look good.
    Back to my coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It is a shame that many people feel not so confident showing certain amounts of skin, and I think part of the reason may be because of past experiences and knowledge, including “slut shaming” and “male gazes”.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sex is pleasurable or it should be. That doesn’t seem a difficult truth to own. I mean, I want to respect people of faith who mainly believe sex to be an act for procreation. But honestly the people of faith I know directly do see sex as fun. As I think it should be.

    As for clothing, makeup, and such, I’m willing to appreciate what might seem ordinary combined with imagination. But I guess this attitude is informed by my wish that everyone dress comfortably all the time. So what do I know.

    I trust you will have a fine evening with your friends. The photograph is attractive to say the least.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s so weird that people don’t like talking about sex (especially women) but everyone is doing it – it’s so frustrating. Also, that top looks great on you 🙂

    All the best, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)

    Liked by 1 person

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