‘Real’.

Sometimes I have these days where I feel a bit disconnected from the world around me. I don’t know if disconnected is the right word to use, because it’s not really what I mean exactly.

They’re days where I feel a little fuzzy. Not the fluffy kind – but the grey-snow-on-the-tv kind of way. Scrambled. Unsteady. Not entirely solid, in a way. Incomplete.

They’re autopilot days, where you feel yourself moving through the dreg of the day as if you were an NPC in a fantasy game, just wandering about aimlessly because that’s all you’re programmed to do. Not really in the capacity of focusing your thoughts and efforts on a single action or being productive in any meaningful way. All you do for a while is just exist. Because that’s all there is to do.

These days feel a little bit ghostlike – like I’m not entirely present in the ‘real’ world – standing on the outside looking in. A mere entity existing on the borders – passing over to a different realm but not yet completely understanding of the implications. Separate from the world, even though I’m still in it.

And while all of these descriptions don’t really reflect how it actually feels, and though they somehow read as being a ‘negative’ feeling – that’s not what I mean to say at all. Days like these don’t really have a value on the good or bad scale for me either. They’re just ‘there’. Like I am.

However – lately I’ve been trying to figure out the how and why behind the days like these. Trying to discover what causes them, what effect they have on me as a person and, most importantly, how to ‘step back’ into a ‘normal’ day. I’ve not yet found the secret, and I can’t say I really have a grip on the causes – but as for fixing it? That I did.

Turns out that the solution is very simple.

Pressing two fingertips to the inside of my wrist, placing them over the artery dutifully pumping blood through my veins – brings me right back to myself. There’s something very grounding to the steady throb and the heat emitted from that particular spot on the skin for me. It pulls me back into myself, makes me more aware of the body I’m in and helps in focusing myself back into ‘the real world’. It helps me feel ‘solid’ again.

I’ve never been a fan of meditation, or awareness or all of the other floaty concepts designed to make our inner beings connect to our outward persona’s. But this? This somehow works for me. When I feel like I’m losing touch with the world – getting in touch with the driving force of mine…helps. All I need is the confirmation that my heart is still going strong, and I suddenly feel myself rush back to normal. Weird. But true.

31 thoughts on “‘Real’.

  1. It seems with the days we’re living in, feeling or being disconnected is something most of us are experiencing. Often as you say, it can be like being on the outside looking in at some weird late night movie that isn’t making much sense.

    Part of the solution, is for each one of us to find that “thing” that reconnects us back into the real world. It will be different for each one of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely understand how you feel! I’m like a lost kid in an adult world. My mind like an erratic traffic light. Static white noise of a tv is a great description and I really love how you simply feel your pulse. You “are”, you’re alive and just having a disconnected moment that will pass. Keep safe💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. SMiles Just
    For A Second
    You focused
    On Something
    Else Other Than

    Thinking

    And

    Connected
    Your Mind To

    Your Body It
    Doesn’t Matter

    What Form Of
    Meditation It

    Takes
    When
    Mind And
    Body Come
    Together In

    Balance
    Peace And
    Harmony Without
    Any Kind Of Illusory
    Fear Or Anxiety We

    Self Create

    That
    Only
    Distracts
    And Freezes

    Human

    Potentials

    We Naturally
    Free Endless

    iN

    Human

    Potentials…

    Fear… All Of
    What Makes
    Us Slugs in
    The Mud

    As ‘They’ Say
    In Disney Movies
    Again Dance Naked
    In The Snow Ice

    Princess

    Shed All The

    Fears Indeed
    Let It All Go

    Earn
    Your
    Wings
    Unleashing
    Stellar Human
    Potentials Each
    And Every Day

    In Autotelic
    Flow Science
    Proves What

    The
    Ice Princess
    Dance In The
    Snow Effects

    Human
    Wings In Flow
    Do You ‘See’ Do
    You ‘Hear’ The

    Dance
    And
    Song
    Of Free

    Breath…

    Rhetorical
    Question

    Dear

    Without
    A Dance And

    Song
    Out
    Of
    The
    Instructions Of Life…

    Get Out of Your

    Head

    Let

    The Mud Go
    Sprouting Green Leaves🍃

    How Do i
    ‘Feel’ This

    i Used To
    Be A Mud
    Think King
    All Frozen Too 🥶

    Other Than
    That All That
    Counts is that
    You Find A Way
    That Works Within

    Bravo!
    You
    Did It!

    With

    No Instructions
    At All Queen of Free! 👸

    Like

  4. Because we all are humans and not perfect so that’s why we have our lazy days as well it’s ok. When you realise that your are alive that’s what is important. Keep up writing your feelings my dear
    🌹

    Like

  5. Definitely relate to this feeling. I go through it more often than I would like. It’s a mixed feeling of enjoyable and horrifying. Not a fetish at all. Just something that feels good in a way that makes you think but feels bad in the way that it makes you think too much about meanings and answers you’ll not find.

    Like

  6. Recognizable, this ‘floating’ state. I’ve learned to accept it, every once in a while and I found out you (re)-emerge from it, once you’re ready (and over something).
    In your case (part of) the solution seems to be reestablishing contact with your body.

    When I’m in ‘this state of mind’ I find it helpful to listen to music that expresses this kind of feeling, a kind of detachement. This one for example: https://open.spotify.com/track/581hGvkc2nqLAygGFuQxhl?si=Dslt2BCbRxi1_aNi14K9ug (Though I doubt it’s particularly of your ‘liking’) 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Felt same darling. We haven’t had sweet dreams lately. Just wandering through those dream less nights. We all have suffer from some useless selfs some time but its OK. Hope you are doing fine.

    Liked by 2 people

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