It turns out I’m a total name-ist when it comes to dating, hahaha. Or at least, when it comes to my current Tinder-swiping behaviors. When asked to describe my (physical) taste in men I usually fall back on the silly description ‘a boyish, slender, boy-next-door type, you know, Shawn Mendes-ish-y with great hair’. Too specific? Probably. Too unrealistic? Definitely. Still my taste? Yup.
Which, as it turns out, makes me a picky-as-fuck swiper. Because in my head, apparently, a ‘boy-next-door’ is also a dark-haired and pretty-as-fuck dude. And I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed or not, but we Dutch folk are often perceived as a fair-haired and blue-eyed populace (my black hair, dark eyes and soul being the exception to the rule). With a surprising amount of ginger men finding their way on the app as well (although, I suppose, that might have something to do with the recessive attractiveness of red hair, muahaha). But that kind of implies that my ‘usual’ selection is in scarce supply. What’s with all the damn blondes, yo. I can’t pull off that color 😉.
Not that I have anything to complain about in regards to matches to be fair. I’m doing well enough in my Tinder-collecting, I think. And I haven’t even been drunk-swiping, which makes this a total achievement! Since installing it on the 3rd – about 75 matches have made their way into my current app-record (not counting the douchebags who messaged and got deleted already).
The totals are now showing a very interesting conclusion: Outside of the obvious physical type – I also seem to go for a certain type of names. Aka. ‘Typical’ Dutch names. My body-count reflects this notion as well. The names on my list are pretty much similar to the below collection as well. Haha. At least I’m consistent!
So now my feed is full of Tim’s. Erik’s. Mark’s. And Rob’s. There’s a couple of Kevin’s, Niels’s and Wouter’s. Three Max’s and Michael’s. Plus (the instigator for this post) – I’m currently actively engaged in actual chats with 4 (!!!) Roy’s. Can you even imagine?
My Tinder bleeps – ‘new message from Roy’. And my brain instantly goes ‘OMG WHICH ONE?!?!?!’. Because of the four, I’m more or less enthusiastic about only 2, haha!
Not to mention: it’s fucking complex to keep track of which Roy I told what, when and how. I hate being one of those people who repeats questions or seems uninterested. Tough as balls!
The thing is – since I’ve noticed this, I’ve been paying more attention to my swiping and yup: I’m a name-ist. My attention-span when it comes to scanning a Tinder profile goes like this:
– Name (when in doubt on picturesque-attractiveness, this one apparently decides)
Names. Say. A. Lot. In my brain, anyway. Semi-attractive dude with an uninteresting bio named D’shawn? Swipe left. I can’t see myself dating a D’shawn. Doesn’t fit the ‘boy-next-door’ criteria. Floor? That’s a girls name, what the hell. No can do. And apparently I’m such a spelling-nazi that I literally get turned off at all those (purposely) ‘wrong’-spelled names. Gorg? Fuck you. Your name is George. Your parents need to learn how to spell. Glen? Where’s your second N mister? Maikel? Seriously? What’s wrong with Michael. Uniqueness is not always the ultimate goal, although parents obviously did not get that memo (to be fair – my own name is horrendous as well in that regard). But still. Names can be really important in the decisionmaking process, not to mention the people who can’t even bother to put down their actual name. No ‘Realman’, I’m definitely not interested.
On the whole though, this attitude to weighing matches on something as petty as a name in for determining a love-connection? Well – what does that make me? A bit a lot very much extremely totally shallow, I feel. Fitting for Tinder, I’d say. Not that I’m planning on changing that attitude anyway.
I think it’s a side-effect of my not really being in a rush, selecting on full-package-deal-possibilities instead of quick potential. Were I to actually be looking to score an instant date, names would weigh in less heavily, I’m thinking. But as it stands? I’m saying statistics are pointing to my next conquest being a Roy. Cause I’m a total name-ist.