Busted!

The type of neighborhood I live in is one of those close-knit communities where everyone knows everyone (as I’ve previously covered in my Christmas drama in a ‘Peer Pressure’ blog).

This means that I have the type of neighbors who are very acutely and actively invested about knowing everything about everyone, as well. You know the type – peering through the curtains at the slightest sign of movement outside. Gardening in all weather conditions just so they can be on the look-out for anything happening. Gossiping with the maillady when she comes around (how that woman gets any mail delivered is beyond me).

And I fucking hate it.

Because outside of just watching and analyzing – these people also feel the need to actually comment on their findings. TO ME. With all the awkwardness that can ensue at any such moment. And they know. They KNOW. They knoooooow. Everything. I feel so self-conscious about leaving my house under their judgmental glares. Feel their prying eyes burn right into my private and dating life. And my dinner habits. Yes. Really. (I realize it’s probably me with the issues, not them, but hey, who cares!)

Take for instance the month after my break-up. I come home to find my neighbor planting some new trees in his front yard thingy. And he literally goes:
‘Zeg. Die witte wagen zien we niet echt meer tegenwoordig he?’ (So, we don’t see that white car around much anymore eh?)
I just barely swallowed back my words:
Yes mister neighbor man. You’re painfully correct. Mostly because that car belonged to my EX who’s obviously no longer around. Thanks for noticing.

The explosion in my head must not’ve been visible enough though. Because it was only mere weeks later when he waved me down again. To comment on the beautiful BMW that had now graced my driveway for a couple of nights.
Yes mister neighbor man. I tried the rebound thing. Didn’t pan out. No need to tell me that that car won’t be spotted again either.

And then came December. The lonely month. The lockdown month. And a thorough three months since any car whatsoever had graced my driveway. Which they obviously noticed – as when we got to talking when I brought them a package that had been delivered to my house.
‘Rustig bij jou ook zo, met de lockdown toch. Komt niemand meer over de vloer, he? Hier ook hoor. Alleen familie. Verschrikkelijk’ (Quiet at your place too right, with the lockdown and all? Nobody coming around anymore eh? Same here, only family. It’s terrible)
Yes madam neighbor lady. I’m the queen of lockdown, thank you for noticing. I’ll make sure that the next car is pretty enough for your liking, surely. If there ever is one, again.

But all of that is fine. It’s fine, really. I get THAT. Honestly.
It’s a Christian town and I’m an unmarried, single lady living alone with all kinds of riff-raff entering my house with curtains that are (as I recently discovered) way too see through when it’s dark and the lights inside are on. You can see EVERYTHING that goes on in my house (as I may have mentioned before, because I’m SHOOK at that knowledge. Whoops).

Yesterday, however, took the cake when it comes to neighborly attentions.
Because somehow I have the WORST of luck in timing my exits to the storage unit right next to my front door, that holds my freezer (and thus access to all my fried foods and ice-creams and the like) and the discard bin for empty bottles and such.

And somehow EVERY time I make my way there – one of my direct neighbors is outside to spot me doing so. I feel like a burglar, escaping with my box of eggrolls or a pizza. I felt like a monster every time my neighbor spotted me tote out yet another couple of empty bottles (even when they weren’t alcohol). And yesterday my neighbor caught me not once, but twice in procuring a tub of Ben and Jerries Half-Baked that I made my way through while binging Bridgerton on Netflix.
‘Lekker hoor! Laat het weer smaken!’ (Delicious! Enjoy, again!) he called to me as he jumped into his car the second time, making sure I knew HE KNEW.

I suppose that’s one way of keeping my New Years Resolutions and losing weight – being neighbored into staying indoors and not going out for ice-cream lest I be judged.
(No worries though, I made sure that tub of Ben and Jerries won’t get me busted again. Omnomnom.)

38 thoughts on “Busted!

  1. We have a couple of neighbours like this, both retired and know everyone’s business. I feel eyes burning in my back when I park up outside and then get out of the car and they have disappeared, weird behaviour. The worst but it they cannot help themselves and share anything we tell them to all the other neighbours. We have had other neighbours tell us things we didn’t tell them but another one so we know they are discussing our business behind our backs, makes my blood boil.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. UGH I would hate this. People often think that their passing comments are just that, but they don’t realise the impact of their behaviour and words towards others. It’s none of their business who you let into YOUR home. Its a hard one because I’d want to say something but you kind of need your neighbours to be on your good side🤪

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Exactly!
      I can’t really fly off the handle at the principle of it, because they’re always…gonna…be…right…there.
      But you’re right, they probably don’t see it as an imposition themselves because they’ve grown accustomed to being so carefully watched themselves, as well. I guess

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I know the feeling… I left him few days before this Christmas (cheating bastard). I have started moving in at his house since I have sold my apartment and I had to instantly move back to my apartment for the 4 last weeks I have it. I haven’t been at home at all these last couple of months and of course my neighbours noticed this and start commitment this every time you meet one if them.

    Like yes, I left my narcissistic cheating boyfriend and yes I have no place to move to… wanna make me feel even worse.?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. It’s like these people just don’t get normal norms of decency anymore when it comes to people they see often, I guess!
      Sorry to hear you’re experiencing the judgment the other way around 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s like, of course I understand that they notice things. People are not blind. But why do they have to commenting it all the time? It’s like they love to find out some juicy gossip. Because their lives are so boring 😄

        Like

  4. You really need better curtains lol or maybe not if you want to give your neighbor’s a show lol but seriously your neighbor’s are just looking out for you, they care about you which is nice. Sorry to hear about your past relationship problems which we all go through, you have a successful new year my lovely blog friend.

    Like

  5. How annoying! But also interesting, socio-psychologically. The question is: why are they doing this? Is it a clumsy attempt to enrol you in their circle of gossip or is it pure bitchiness? If the latter, then they want a reaction from you, preferably one of embarrassment so they can say to one another “See: I embarrassed her with that one!” In that case, the best response is to smile unconcernedly and say something like “Oh, really?” or “How’s that, then?” Leave them guessing and that will annoy them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I believe that Such neighbours are in all neighbourhoods, it’s the degree of nosiness that varies. Sorry though about that, it’s really exhausting. Nice puns in the article😏.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I know exactly what you mean. I live in a small town now and I know that people are just trying to be friendly, but it’s exhausting.

    I much preferred the anonymity of living in a city.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Small Talk it’s What
    Humans Do to Feel
    (Transcends Religions)
    All Warm And
    Toasty
    Inside
    On Coldest
    Darkest
    Winter
    Nights And
    Days i Don’t
    Need To
    Do
    Small
    Talk i Go
    So Much Deeper
    And Warmer
    When

    i Am

    Talking

    To myself

    Just Like This

    Small Talk is

    Zoe This Post

    Is So Creative

    You Are Just

    The Bomb

    You Should

    Publish A Book

    And Set The World

    On Fire Yet

    See

    You

    Already

    Have Dear

    Have A Nice

    Day Don’t Waste

    Your Talent on BMW’s

    By All Means Do

    Rolls
    Royce

    Make

    It Seem

    Like Chevrolet

    That’s ‘French’

    For Something

    At LeasT HeHe

    Long….er…

    Deeper

    Oh

    God Yes!

    Like

  9. I’m one of those “golden oldies.” I live in an apartment building and believe me, the gossips are still active in the over 55 sets! A trip to the mailroom can lead to an interrogation.”What did I hear about…? etc. Laughable for the most part, but sometimes annoying. Hang in there. I enjoy your humor.

    Like

  10. You can make the worst situations entertaining to read. I know what you mean about nosy neighbors. Shortly after we moved into a neighborhood I went to a neighborhood meeting. After the meeting a woman started talking to me and told me that there was a DEA agent living there. She had no idea I was the agent she was talking about. Once the secret is out it travels like wildfire.
    I now have the attitude that if you want to talk I’ll provide the content for you. If you don’t want to see something that might scar you for life, don’t look. 😂
    Have a great new year, Zoe.

    Like

  11. Growing up, we had an elderly neighbor who would sit in her side window and watch, and report back to my mom that dad had been gone overnight (as if mom didn’t know) among other important gossip, to which mom would tell her to mind her own business. Mom didn’t take too kindly to that nonsense. Perhaps you can politely get across to the nosy neighbors that you don’t appreciate them commenting on your every move or whatever object sits in your driveway. That would make me crazy!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow. Living in a fishbowl of a neighborhood is one thing, but your neighbors seem to be next level! If I were you, I’d just pull that freezer into the house and run the cord outside! They’d never know about Ben or Jerry!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Perhaps they just care, in a weird way, after all they were young once. They will probably help the police to solve your mysterious disappearance if ever required! I am scraping the bottom of the positive barrel here obviously 😬

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love how you consider my possible disappearance a positive, muahaha! 😉

      And yeah, but the fact that it comes from a good heart doesn’t really make it any less intrusive in the end…

      Like

  14. Wow I know how you feel. I like my home and privacy. I don’t know who lives where and frankly don’t care. But we had a neighbour ask us about a trip we were on, they knew exactly where we had went. How did they know that? Because a friend of my husbands told his neighbour who walked down the street and told yet another neighbour who then told the people across the street. Holy crap. We also have a neighbour who keeps track of cars in our driveway and keeps the license plate numbers! What? She told us she uses binoculars. I told my husband he can’t walk around naked anymore lol

    Liked by 1 person

  15. As someone who gardens in all types of weather, I do it because I have a large chunk of land I’m trying to restore for the sake of nature itself. This puts me on my own stage. “Oh, saw you working hard in the sleet yesterday.” or “Oh, I’m not sure you should have planted those Vine Maples, they’ll take over your whole yard.” I smile and nod politely, but I’ll ride to Valhalla in a chariot weaved out of six native Willow species if anyone tries to stop me! Ha,ha,ha!

    Liked by 1 person

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