Lavender Hell

My entire house smells of lavender right now.
Which, seeing as it is widely regarded as a pleasant flowery fragrance, shouldn’t normally be too weird of a thing I guess. Unless you know me a little bit better and hence also know that my most HATED scent in the world is lavender. It’s gagworthy to me. Nosecrinkling. Eyesquinting. GAH. GROSS. YUCK to my already sensitive sense of smell. There is nothing I dislike smelling more than lavender when it comes to things-that-supposedly-smell-nice.

Why then, you might wonder, does my entire house smell of it?
Well folks. That’s because I’m a clumsy fool.

Last week I purchased one of those little glass jar thingies with the scent sticks that are supposed to make the house smell all homely. It said tropical flowers on the package, which led me to believe that I’d be getting a tropically scent. Not lavender. Now. Whether they accidentally packed the wrong thing, or my perception of the word ‘tropical’ is very different to that of the jar-thingie-makers doesn’t really matter. But as soon as I opened the packaging and got a whiff of the strong as fuck lavender, I almost barfed.

Which, obviously, led to me making my way to the kitchen to dispose of the offending product. Sadly, I didn’t make it there, as I tripped over a stray charger cable and smashed…the…jar. Over the entirety of my living room floor. That now smells SO FUCKING STRONGLY of lavender that I can barely stand to be IN the room. But seeing as it’s where my workstation is, my TV lives AND my kitchen is connected to – I’m fucked. Because I’m already pretty much freezing after opening alllll of the doors in hopes of lessening the scent. To no avail.

This. This is possibly my worst nightmare from now on. Forced to live in a house that smells like the worst thing there is. I don’t even know how I’m going to survive.

Me – the girl who is as smell-obsessed as that one bloodhound in the Disney Movie Aristocats. Who actually one time started dating a colleague at the McDonalds she worked at because he was wearing my favorite cologne. Me, who once stopped dating a guy because he had the worrrrrrst of the worst of morning breaths and wore sweaters that smelt of cigarette smoke. Me – the girl that would rather be deaf than unable to smell things. Stuck in lavender hell. FML.

I bet if I was an American I could sue the company for my suffering. Damn.

27 thoughts on “Lavender Hell

    1. Oh — and the accident was yours, so the courts wouldn’t find the company to be liable. At the most, they’d force them to replace the product with something more tropical smelling or find a suitable replacement. Litigation in the US is horribad, but not quite THAT bad.

      Yet.

      Like

      1. If I got a good enough lawyer the incorrect package contents and easy glass-breakage could toooootally be contested in my favot imho.

        Just look at the McDonalds coffee case where a woman spilt coffee, sued and got compensated for it being too hot. Which is why they now have warning labels. On everything.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, that’s not flying quite so easy as a flurry of other lawsuits of frivolous nature along those lines started irritating judges and juries. That one was from the 80s, I think. New scams are needed to get rich. 😉

        And you don’t know how many people mock that particular case these days.

        However, it is why we have warning labels such as “Do not use blow drier while showering due to risk of electrical shock.” #DarwinAward

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sometimes… a loss of smell isn’t so horrible.

        I don’t blame you though. If I had to smell lavender all the time, I might decide slitting my wrists might not be such an awful thing to do to myself.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Trust me it Could
    Be More Challenging
    Long Before COVID-19
    Another Corona
    Virus That
    Wasn’t Famous
    Took My Smell Away
    For Months In Spring
    Of 2017 And Yep i Remember
    The Day A Solar Eclipse Came
    On 8.21.2017 As my Smell

    Came Back

    Yet Not The Same

    For You See the Nerve

    Receptors in The Nose

    Don’t Make The

    Smell of Course

    Our Minds Create

    All Of Our Reality

    That We Think is

    Objective Yet Neuroscience

    Shows We Basically Create

    An Hallucination Of

    Reality

    Always Changing

    Now Yeah Everything

    Smelled Like ‘Doomsday’

    Other Folks Describe it

    As Rotting Flesh

    With No

    Escape took About

    A Year For it to Go Away

    It’s All About Perspective

    This Life Thingie I Had

    Already Experienced

    Loss of Effective

    Use of my Eyes And

    Ears With The Worst Pain

    Known To Humankind

    Type Two Trigeminal

    Neuralgia For 66 Months

    From WakeTo Sleep Like

    A Dentist Drill in

    My Right Eye And

    Ear No Drug Would

    Touch And Of Course on

    The Autism Spectrum for me

    Never Been Able to Bear
    The Touch Of Human Made

    Stuff With Empathy
    That Feels The Whole
    World’s Pain And

    Pleasure
    Yes Been
    Told More Than
    Once i Have A ‘Special
    Touch’ too it’s Not All Bad

    Anyway it’s Hard To Describe
    How Horrible Everything Tasted
    When A Doomsday Smell Came
    On The Solar Eclipse Day

    Apocalyptic
    Enough For me

    Yet You See There is
    A Worse Pain than All

    Of That And It
    Is Losing All
    Emotions As Emotions
    Are Memories And Memories
    Are Emotions All Is Time
    A Second is A Thousand

    Years

    In Hell

    With No

    Reference Point

    Back If You’ve Ever

    Felt A Smile At All

    It’s True There Is

    Both Heaven

    And

    Hell Within

    And When You’ve

    Been To Hell When

    All Tastes And

    Smells Like

    Rotting

    Flesh

    Heaven Still

    Doesn’t Care

    As Heaven

    Comes From Hell

    Every Now And Then

    Folks Try to F With

    Me since i Got

    Out Of Hell

    Part of The

    Reason i Wear

    Shades is Just By

    Looking in Someone’s

    Eyes i Will Show

    Them

    What

    It’s Like

    To ‘Dance With

    The Devil in The Pale
    Moonlight’ Other Than
    That i Wore Shades
    In The Dance Hall
    Even Approaching
    60 As A Natural
    Means of
    Birth Control
    As i’ve Also

    Been Told

    More Than once
    That my Eyes Touch
    In An Opposite

    Part

    Of Heaven

    Indeed Life

    Is All

    About

    Perspective

    In ‘Lavender in

    Lace’ in ‘Purple

    Rain’ And ‘Black

    Velvet Nights’

    Inviting

    SMiles

    Satin

    White

    That

    Never End In Red…

    So Yeah An All Natural

    Remedy For

    An

    Aversion

    To A Smell

    Of Lavender

    Is to Pass Through

    Hell First And It’s True
    Like ‘21 Pilots’ Sing
    About ‘Heathens’

    In ‘Suicide
    Squad’ Ways

    You Never

    Know What

    The Person Sitting

    Next To You Yes Us

    On ‘The Forest Gump

    Bus Stops Of Life’ Has

    Been Through

    Indeed

    They

    Might

    Be one Of ‘Us’

    Sympathy Now

    For Devils Got that

    Too You Earn

    It
    It’s

    Never Free…

    What Hell

    Breathes into

    Heaven Never

    Ending Now Eternal

    Bliss Not many

    ‘People’

    ‘See’

    ‘The Other Side’

    Of ‘The Pale Moon Light’…

    -Batman’s
    ‘Other FRiEnD’

    OBTW

    Thanks For
    The Inspiration
    Of Your ‘Lavender’

    Sweet

    Perfume
    In Pale Moonlight…

    Like

  2. awe, so sorry about that. I actually love lavender, but it’s definitely not tropical in my opinion. Nothing worse than being stuck in a house with a sent you loathe. My worst scent is Pine Sol. I might write about that hilarious experience.

    Like

  3. Yes, sadly, in the USA you probably could sue, maybe over the issue of what’s tropical. Ironically, I think I heard that lavender is supposed to be calming (maybe only to look at). I don’t know because a smell of any strength, even good, becomes cloying to me. We all trip. But I’m sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lavender is the worst, I thought I was the only one who disliked it. Lavender is not tropical. Tropical is coconut (one of my favourites), pineapple, the smell of sand and sun. Lavender smells like death to me. lol

    Like

  5. Dude I hate lavender too! Wow that sounds awful. Can you dump a bunch of something on the spot to soak up the smell? Maybe a whole box of baking soda and leave it overnight a d then vacuum the Christ out of it…? Hope you work it out.

    Like

  6. This made me chuckle. But I’m sorry to hear about your lavender hell, although it is entertaining 🙂

    All the best, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 😂Hahaha well just buy one (you know the Lidl bakery has astonishingly delicious fresh apple pie once in a while? don’t know how they do that) and keep the oven on 50 degrees, that’ll do the trick… and set an alarm, of course 🤪…
        Or maybe just order a different smell and smash it as well, and keep doing that until it smells bearable. Well, at least you know you don’t have the virus.

        Like

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