Nailpolish has always been a strange concept in my day to day life, I’ve come to realize. It’s always been sort of a luxury, sort of out of place, yet at the same time a necessity. A frustration and mostly an inconvenience yet simultaneously also something that brings me happiness and a sense of beauty. It’s something I very thoroughly like and dislike all at the same time. Nail polish is actually kinda creepy, if you look at it like I have been looking at it for the purpose of this blog….it’s a tool of brain-control!
And all it is is an artificial layer of color put on nails. How can something so insignificant hold so much sway over how I arrange and perceive my daily life?
I personally always liked nail polish and the way it looks. It stops me from biting my nails and it complements an outfit and just finishes a look. My mom used to always have the craziest and most gorgeous artsy nails you’ve ever seen.
Somehow a good manicure conveys an image of ‘being put together’ and having things in order, when you have your nails done, to me. Sadly – I am literally incapable of keeping my nail polish unchipped for longer than a day or 2 so my pride and joy at beautiful nails always quickly transforms at annoyance in their unkempt look. (That shit just takes way too long to actually properly dry without being fucked up, and somehow I ALWAYS have a need to dig through drawers or take out the trash just after I did my nails)
There’s weeks where I make an actual (constant) effort to keep up the perfect nails – and some months where I don’t wear any nail polish at all, but constantly silently admonish myself when the inevitable grubby black lines appear under ever longer nails. But the amount of times it’s on my mind? Insane.
The more I think about it, the stranger it is that something so small can take up so much time in my already too-busy brain to be pondered over. Will I switch colors. Will I take it off. Will I grow my nails out or not. Will I fix the chipped polish or just go for a new coat. So meaningless, yet there’s moments where all of these choices feel like a big deal and something that is very important to be decided upon. Even though it really isn’t.
Most people don’t even like nail polish. Or (too) long nails. Or girls that spend a lot of time doing meaningless things like doing their nails (or worrying about doing their nails). Men especially. Most men don’t even notice these things, unless actively being confronted with them OR only see them when they specifically DON’T like it. Which begs the question – why even bother to begin with. How did nail polish even become a thing. And why is it still around.
And taking the concept of nail polish more broadly:
Why do I constantly find myself worrying over things that I somehow allow to feel important to me, knowing full well that they are not AS important to the people around me, or even noticed at all. Like having perfect nails. Or a boyfriend. Or a tidy house when people come over. Or Or Or….
Nobody particularly cares. So then why do I?
Additionally: why do I even bother to pin my daily mood on something as silly as whether my nails looks nice in the full knowledge that there’s much more poignant issues in the world. Given the chance to take control of my own feelings – why am I choosing to get worked up about something that, in the long run, will not affect my life in the slightest? So then why should it affect my day?
And even more strangely: how is it that I can manage doing something as morose as this to myself, in the full realization that the rest of the world doesn’t care – but at the same time struggle choosing my own needs and opinion in things that are actually important to me? Why can I justify wanting pretty nails, even though no one’s really bothered if they’re plain and do I have trouble connecting with the people I like. Or making the career choices I want. Or taking the chances that I need to – in fear of how the world around me might react?
Why does nail polish hold more power over me than my own happiness?!
WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?!
I’m telling you. Brain. Control. Device. Conspiracy theory time!