Stone-age Love

The beautiful thing about books, for me, is the power there is in rereading them. There’s books that feel like old friends, that I’ll pick up every once in a while and read, even though I’ve plowed through them 20 times before. And each time I read them, they’ll make sense to me in different ways. At different times in life, there’s different things I notice. Different lessons to learn. Different nuances to discover. And sometimes, suddenly, after seeing the same words for 20 times – puzzle pieces fall into place because everything suddenly makes sense. I LOVE IT.

The Clan of the Cave Bear is one of these old friends. Hell, we even watched the Daryl Hannah movie during historie class in high school! (Can you just imagine the whooping and cheering at the hump-scene. Hilarious!)

Prehistoric fiction in it’s purest form, and thus deliciously awesome in many a way. They were published 30 years ago – so I’m not apologizing for the many spoilers in this blog. Mostly because after a certain time, things become public knowledge enough to not warrant spoiler alerts. I mean – no one hides the fact that Darth Vader is Lukes father anymore either, right ;).

I first read this when I was somewhere in my teens. My grandmother (or a family friend, the memory is fuzzy) owned the entire series and I’d borrow them to read. As an early teen – my first read-throughs of the books were…well. Porn. Because damn, these Earth Children went at it like bunnies. In all the ways that’d get an inexperienced girl-that-couldn’t-talk-to-boys hot and bothered. I definitely picked up some foreplay demands from Jondalar. Kudos on that man and his tongue.

When I was reading them throughout college I’d mostly reread the second book where Ayla spends her time in the Valley of the Horses because the strong and independent huntress style really suited me. I loved the descriptions of the surroundings. The attention to details and the crafting she did. Bringing up a small lion? Awesome! Plus, the gooey romance between her and Jondalar? Yes please.

But I’ve picked up the books again these past few months. And I’ve been reading them so. entirely. different. This time round. Because, these books turn out to be very helpful in making sense of my brush with polyamory and my following struggles. Because, as it turns out, this fight between mono- and poly-loving has been around since the Stone Age. And fucked up people then, too.

(And for everyone going: YIKES! at the notion of polyamory. This quote was very fitting. It might not work for me as a principle of love, but casting it aside entirely as wrong: unnecessary. But it works the other way around too. Holding on to monogamous needs and wants is not wrong either. Choosing what is YOU, is important. I gained my importance, this past year.)

He began to understand that just because some people thought certain behavior was wrong, that didn’t make it so. A person could resist popular belief and stand up for personal principles, and though there might be consequences, not everything would be necessarily lost. In fact, something important might be gained, if only within oneself.”

― Jean M. Auel, The Mammoth Hunters

You see, for about a year, I opened up my mind to the concepts of polyamorous loving, much like Jondalar and Ayla. I found myself dating a man that already had a partner. And wanted even more of ’em. One that saw my monogamous views of love as a handicap, while I found his polyamorous ways (in the end) inconceivable and unbearable. Yep. Great basis for success, right? Yeah yeah, we were idiots.

It’s an impossible divide – take it from me. And much like me – Jondalar experiences this same internal fight throughout books three and four. Living in a an era and community where polyamory, having several wives, and free loving is all fine (and actively partaken in by him before) – he finds himself stuck because all he suddenly wants . Needs. Sees. Craves. Is Ayla.
After years of carelessly moving in a polyamorous setting he suddenly experiences himself as being mono-as-fuck. Wanting her and only her, all to himself. And that causes all sorts of trouble.

No matter how much he gets the concept of polyamory. Knows how it works. Sees what might happen and why. Understands why it’s not wrong. He can be accepting of it just fine but at the same time personally incapable of living that way. Wise lesson. They, however, make it through all of it (unlike yours truly, sadly). Together. (Monogamously (just sayin’)).

I empathize with Jondalar in a great many ways. Just like I do with Ayla in others. All throughout his life he felt out of place. Hiding the strength of his emotions for all but those closest to him. Lover of many, but in love with none. He could not find a partner to bear the full brunt of his love, and as such, he ‘loved‘ freely. Breaking all the hearts around him for not returning the favor.

All his emotions were too powerful. Even his mother had felt forced to put a distance between them, and she had watched with silent sympathy when friends backed off because he clung too fiercely, loved too hard, demanded too much of them.”

― Jean M. Auel, The Valley of Horses

Until he met Ayla.

It kind of hurts, I guess, seeing that transformation in Jondalar. Seeing him cast aside his open mind to focus his entire being solely on Ayla. Choosing her. Seeing him go through the change I’d love to have seen in my ex. The change I myself went through, just the same. Because she inspired such love in a man who had too much to begin with. Goosebumps!

I feel that to my core. I never really connected to people very deeply. Never loved fully. Never understood possessiveness and jealousy much. So I found myself being open to trying this poly thing, because hey, I wouldn’t really care too much. Until I did. And that’s when I broke down in much the same way as Jondalar. While my Ayla didn’t.

“She loved him, more than she could ever find words for, but this love he felt for her was not quite the same. It wasn’t so much stronger, as more demanding, more insistent. As though he feared he would lose that which he had finally won.”

― Jean M. Auel, The Mammoth Hunters

And at the same time I also connect to Ayla. Ayla wants nothing more than to learn about a new lifestyle. His world. Wants nothing more than adapt to what that new society expects, while all the while thinking about nothing else than Jondalar, wishing it was just the two of them. Yup. Also me. These damn books suddenly pinpoint all the struggles I’ve experienced for the past year and shed clarity on them. With ways to handle issues AND tips on how NOT to handle them. It’s insane!

So now I find myself reading books three and four, where previously I’d stuck solely to book 2 in the past decade. And I KNOW that books five and six might probably hold future lessons, seeing as that’s when the baby struggles begin.

Oh god. What if I’ll be writing this same blog in 5 years – but then zoom in on the wise lessons I learned about the to-baby-or-not-to-baby puzzle – straight from my Stone Age friends. Guess we didn’t really evolve all that much, yet. Anyone else feel a sudden hankering for Mammoth meat and wearing loincloths?

8 thoughts on “Stone-age Love

  1. Hmm Stone
    Age Love Just

    Wrote This
    Still Warm
    In Copy And
    Paste As

    Anthropology one
    Of My 3 Degrees

    Find This Fascinating

    To Do As Well

    It’s True Men And
    Women Have

    Different

    Strengths

    Cooperation

    More For

    Women

    Naturally

    Through Lower

    Levels of Testosterone

    And Higher Levels

    Of Oxytocin

    That

    Nurturing

    More only Extends

    And of Course Men

    With More Testosterone

    Less Oxytocin Overall to

    Compete For Resources

    And Protect As They

    Are Overall

    Stronger

    This Way

    Our Tools

    We Create Change

    Matriarchal Leaning

    Leading Foraging

    Villages For

    Cooperation

    Where The

    Child is

    Nurtured

    And Valued

    Most For An

    All Hands Effort

    And the Rest of

    Body Parts

    For

    Survival In

    Work of The Day

    And ‘Naked Night’

    Key

    To

    Survival

    With

    Regenerative

    Play in Dance

    And

    Song

    Too

    In

    Short

    Now We

    Have Transformed

    Into Our Tools

    All Our Complex

    Collected CuLTuRaL

    Ways Most

    Folks

    Don’t

    Feel

    Now if They

    Are Coming Going

    Or Even Staying

    Now In

    The

    Dreamtime

    Of Heaven

    Here

    Present

    Within

    Together Free

    Our Ancestors

    Naturally Do

    With

    Their

    Gift of Life

    They (Us) Shall

    Understand

    Each

    Other

    Through

    Naked Love

    Or Tools That

    Cover Nature

    Of

    God

    Naked Us

    Seeing Life

    As Naked Gift Free🎁

    Without the

    Fancy

    Bows

    That

    Tie

    Naked

    God Up

    In And As Nature Us🌲💫

    In Short We Are Evolved

    To Live in

    Mostly

    Naked

    Groups

    Of 150 To

    200 Matriarchal

    Leaning Cooperating

    H o M o G E N o U S

    To Survive AND Thrive

    This Doesn’t

    Work in Large

    Heterogeneous

    Populations

    As

    Ignorance

    Of What

    Human

    Nature

    Is Not The

    Tools We Have

    Become Outside

    Each Other Away

    From

    God

    Nature

    Continues

    To Show

    As One Big SNAFU

    Answer

    Master

    The

    Tool Naked

    Do Not Become

    Erased by It

    As No

    Longer

    God Nature

    In Human Wild

    Loving Free

    In

    Heaven

    On Earth

    With Least

    Harm For All

    Fur Of Wings

    Yes Hehe And

    Mostly Hairless like

    (Not Speaking
    To You Zoe Here)

    You My Domesticated

    FRiEnD

    So

    Soft

    And Sweet

    Show me Your Teeth!

    Yes Glad You Still Eat Meat! 🥩

    The Dentist

    Said i

    Have The

    Second

    Biggest

    Canine

    Tooth

    On The

    Chart More

    Roast Beast Soon!

    Basically Men Are

    Here To Protect

    Serve Pleasure

    Women The

    Givers Of Life

    So Easy

    To

    Naked

    See Naturally

    Men Who Still

    Do This

    Remain

    Happy

    Servants

    Indeed Bring

    Home The

    Meat Protect And Serve

    The Goddess indeed

    A Lot Of

    Dudes

    Miss

    The

    Stairway to

    Heaven Now

    Almost Always

    Through ‘Goddess’

    Just Another Name

    For God Is Love Now🥧

    Do Note Everything

    Jesus

    Loves

    About

    Life

    Still Standing

    To Support Him

    By Story

    Under Cross

    Mostly Mary’s

    Meanwhile

    Jealous

    Story

    Writers

    Changed

    Mary

    Into

    Unworthy

    And Other

    Women Not

    Even Worthy

    To Speak

    Of

    Spirituality

    And Enter

    The

    Kingdom

    Of Heaven

    Within

    We Must

    Under

    Stand

    The

    Roots
    Of The

    Traditions

    To Sprout
    God Wings

    For All Again

    Furry And Less Free…🌲

    Yes In Some Ways

    At Least

    This

    Is

    Happening Now😁💫

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmm… I haven’t thought of those books in years.

    My mom read those books many years ago, when I was in my early teens. One day I picked up Clan of the Cave Bear and was intrigued, and over a period of about a year I finished all four of the books that existed at the time. I never did read the other two; I didn’t even know whether or not book 6 was ever finished or what it was called until I looked it up just now.

    I wonder what it would be like to read them now, as an adult. Since the time I read the books, I have changed in ways that probably take me even further away from the target audience of the books. But I also hate to leave a story unfinished in my mind. Maybe someday…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I have never read this series, maybe I should? I always have 3-4 books on the go but for some reason have bypassed this series. I don’t think people have ever evolved, not really. Technology has of course but the basic core of humans, I feel, remains the same…………..

    Like

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