Not-so-smooth Operator

Oftentimes I find myself wondering at the apparent disconnect that exists between the operating speed of my brain, and that of my body. Mostly because it annoys the fuck out of me, pretty much every day in some way or another.

One of the prime examples of my brain working faster than the rest of my body is the ‘What?’-issue.
You know, those moments where someone says something and you initially think you didn’t hear what they were saying so you reply instantly with a ‘What?’ so they repeat themselves. And while the ‘what’ is already escaping your lips – you realize that you DID register what they were saying, the message just landed slower than your reply already left the building. My hearing – slower than my brain. A LOT slower. I ‘what?’ a LOT.

But I’m much the same with a boatload of other things. I mean – if my brain had anything to say about it, I’d be a great (and possibly pro) softballplayer. I understand that game SO well. I know the plays. I can usually predict hitters and I see how pitchers are lining up for their throws. Sadly – then it comes down to my body responding and executing. Which, honestly, it sucks at.
Oftentimes it feels like I’m ‘lagging’. Probably won’t make much sense when you’re not a gamer, but it generally means that there’s a momentary lapse in your own actions, while the rest of the world continues around you.

So I’ll see a ball get hit, field the ball and quickly pop-up to throw it to first, only to realize that while my brain had already completed the fielding motion in it’s entirety – my hand hadn’t actually made it fully to the ground yet, missing the ball and popping up without it. I can’t count the times people yell at me ‘BALL FIRST’. Just because I want to be quicker than I actually am. I suck.

It’s the same with gaming as a whole. Take League of Legends for example. It’s a pretty simple game in its basics. You have an enemy and you need to kill them as many times as possible while working your way towards destroying their base. But there’s a lot of intricacies and teamplay involved and once you get to a certain level, you have to be QUICK in not just MAKING those judgments and insights, but also in the appropriate reflexes and multitasking. And while my brain can do ALL of those things without too much effort, proven when I’m watching streams and I predict/yell at the players to do something before they themselves act – I’m at the same time totally incapable of willing my hands and fingers to act with the speed of my awareness, thus being a total loser when it comes to playing myself.

It’s these moments where I KNOW what to do. Know WHEN to do it. Know HOW to do it – but then find myself physically incapable of actually doing it. Not able to will my body to react with the same speed as my brain. Friggin’ sucks.

It’s then when training starts to matter. Training on muscle memory, reflexes and hand-eye mastery requires repetition. Lots of it. And patience. Lots of it. And innate talent. Preferably. It’s not a fast process, even when your brain is. And that’s why I also fail in that regard, because I quit way faster than I respond. If I’m not instantly capable of acting at the level that my brain wants to – I give up.

The thing is – it’s easy to get arrogant about what you know when you’re quick to grasp knowledge, but it’s also easy to be a loser when you’re not quick on the actual uptake and 0 successful in actual execution. I struggle with this a lot.

Especially when people compliment me on being good at something – my first instinct is to reply that I’m actually a lot better in my brain. It doesn’t feel like I deserve the compliment because I’m not optimalizing the possible results.

And oftentimes I find myself downplaying intelligence I do have ‘because it’s only ‘booksmarts’ while I rather be practical and ‘street smart’.’.

I hold so much more respect for people who can actually do things instead of just theorize about them. So much so that I guess that any compliments at my address in that corner are also very slow to reach my brain. You can compliment me and all you get is a ‘What?’. Compliment not registered.

25 thoughts on “Not-so-smooth Operator

  1. It all starts good and well and ends with we see you have it in you but it’s just not coming out right now. I freaking know that. And it sucks. Training and repeating helps sometimes. But it can be very frustrating. But seriously all I heard was sainz singing ‘ smooth operator’ f1 fans will understand 😇

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In the Old TV Show “Kung Fu” The Master Named ‘The Student ‘
    ‘Young Grasshopper’
    Providing One
    Small Task at
    The Beginning
    Of Monastery School
    To Graduate And Leave
    Naked On The Wing Free
    As Young Birds Ascend From
    Nests And Naturally Fly Soaring
    Spiraling Around Sun As Planets
    Yes All Celestial Bodies too Big or
    Small to See Naturally Do Exist
    Free
    Spiraling
    In Balancing
    Force of Eternal
    Focus This Way
    In Flow As
    Above
    So
    Below Within
    Inside Outside All
    Around So What
    Are You Without
    Your Thoughts
    Yes Words
    School
    Work
    And Even
    Nearest
    Dearest
    Video
    Games
    Yes The
    Others Love
    Sleeping Close
    To Your HeART
    Wide Awake
    Indeed
    You
    Are
    The UNiVeRSE
    Fractal Part
    Whole
    The
    Pebble
    In The Master’s
    Hand That Will
    Release The Student
    From The Monastery
    As Soon As The Student
    Grasps The Pebble From
    The Master’s
    Hand
    Indeed
    You Are
    Object
    Subject
    Student
    Master
    Focus
    Balance
    Spiral
    As
    Celestial
    Bodies With
    Gravitas Do Free
    We aRe Mind
    Body Soul
    Leave
    Any
    Part
    Out
    And
    The
    Stone Falls
    To The Bottom
    Of The Ocean
    Failing
    NoW Its
    Greater
    Overall
    Potential
    In Moving
    Connecting
    Flowing Now
    Co-Creating
    Balance in Total
    Coherence As
    Water
    Wave
    Ocean
    Whole
    This is A Rather
    Long Sentence
    i Student The
    Master
    By
    Snatching
    The Pebble Dancing
    Naked With No Human
    Clothes of Cultural Ways
    Spiraling
    The
    Sun
    Dancing
    Free Becoming
    One With Grains
    Of Sand That
    Sunshine
    Mountains
    Of Human
    Agape
    Love

    For

    All

    NoW It

    Is Only

    For You

    To Seek

    And Student

    The Master

    Finding

    Setting

    Your

    Philosopher

    Stone Free… ⛰

    As i Observe And

    Learn From

    You

    Doing

    Each Day

    As You Open

    Your UNiVeRSE

    For ‘the World’ to See Free…

    -THE ETerNaL Student

    Now Orbiting
    Many

    Suns Indeed 🪐

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You know I can find being coached on something excruciatingly difficult— because I often learn in a different, more intuitive way to most people. I’m not very good at repeating a set of instructions, AT ALL. But if I know the gist of what we’re trying to accomplish, and I have the basics, then with enough practice and trial and error by myself, I can do it. I have to feel my way towards it. Coaching really slows things down and gets in the way most of the time, for me.

    E.g. say I’ve just made a mistake in execution— I immediately know it and am already planning to improve that aspect on the next try— but before that the coach is already screaming at me about the mistake I already know I made, which is just disheartening. And the fact you’re just saying ‘I know…’ makes it look like you don’t really know 🤷‍♂️— because your mind’s working so fast and you’ve already processed it all. Also constantly being corrected for different things really distracts me from focusing on the one thing I’m trying to focus on improving. It can be supremely stressful if the person coaching is not understanding how you learn!!

    I think solo sports can be better for people like us— or sports where you can practice a lot by yourself, on your own, free to make mistakes and get as much practice as you want, and be really creative. A team sport like softball which you really can’t practice much of on your own, would really frustrate me!! I had this issue when I tried wheelchair basketball a couple of years ago— though at least you can practice a lot of that by yourself— shooting hoops and dribbling for example. Also that particular coach was a total narcissistic arse 😆.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh I totally relate on the ‘What?’ issue! 100% haha! Also I really struggle with people who talk slowly— because my brain is processing alternate meanings of what they’ve said up until now— but following words can completely change the meaning. It can get quite absurd. I also find it harder to remember what they’re actually saying. And especially if they start making major grammatical mistakes, or pause in weird places…that really throws me off.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh god – yeah. Slow talkers are KILLING. I can never resist finishing their sentences for them. It’s SO deadly.
      And I get what you’re saying with people refusing to accept your (different) ways of learning. It’s like being forced into a corset while you’re already short on breath.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yup!!!!!!!!!!! To everything.

        A great thing which I discovered once was the value in being able to speed up audio— either podcasts or video. There’s an awesome chrome extension I use which lets you easily speed up any video you happen to view 😄— Video Speed Controller. I am brutal with it, lol.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Ahaha, I think I feel the same as you, but with direction. Give me detailed directions to get somewhere and I’ll get lost. I’ll do it again for ten times and still get lost.

    But once muscle memory takes over, then I’m suddenly able to magically find my way there.

    Maybe life is a matter of repeating the things you care about.

    Liked by 2 people

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