When it comes to marriage and babies, I am not the typical 1950’s housewife type. Ever since I was young these two particular milestones have been very thoroughly scratched off of my ‘I want dis in mah life’-list. Not because I have any particular qualms against either of the concepts, I just never wanted them for myself. It doesn’t suit me. I’m not the type (and I have an epic list of anti-baby-reasons that exceeds even my list-of-guilty-pleasures) so I’ve never calculated it into any of my futures.
AND YET.
Growing up this whole institution of marriage and bearing babes into the world is such a grand part of our roads of life that we’re confronted with it at every turn and bend. There’s movies. Books. Talks at EVERY family gathering and friendships built solely on the needs for both. So regardless of any want or need for the matters – we get accustomed to thinking of ‘our’ versions of both.
See, I’ve always known I don’t want to get married. But I do KNOW what type of dress I would have (a mermaid cut with an abundance of lace overlay and a train that would make me a dancing hazard to anyone around). And I know the centerpieces to my reception (white peonies and pink orchids). I know I’d have a McDonalds themed buffet with a McChicken boxes tower and a never-ending flow of French fries and ‘frietsaus’. My first dance would be to Anastasias ‘Once Upon a December’.
Hell. If I’d be rich around that time – I’d have it sung to me by my acapella favorites Pentatonix while my now-husband would very professionally waltz me around the dancefloor in the most romantic of ways, there’d be a comical ‘Can’t Touch This‘ MC-hammer interlude with an over the top practiced dance – followed by that weird game where he has to pull the garter off a leg – only to find that I opted for a leather one attached to a hip-harness or something like that. STUCK.
The rest of the night would be followed by a mad bash on the dancefloor to all of the tunes of the 90’s and 00’s with additional input by the Justins, Arianas and Shawn Mendesses of the world. All of the cocktails would (obviously) flow freely and in all of the possible chemical blues, pinks and greens so everyone would lose any and all inhibitions. And somewhere in the middle of this there would totally be a cake-fight after cutting the 8-tier cake made by the Cake Boss (if his hand ever heals).
It would be epic.
And I’ve been much the same when it comes to babies. I couldn’t be bribed to ever have any BUT if I did end up with kids:
There’d be two. A boy and a girl just to have a set of ‘em. Mostly because I’ve always said jokingly that if I had two I’d call them ‘Anna’ and ‘Logan’ so the nerds would see ‘Annalogan’ and Analog. God. Too bad.
Although – I suppose my threats to ditch my worthless dads last name and switch to my moms side (Steyn) would afford me an even worse opportunity: Calling my son Frankie. You know. Frankie Steyn. I’m a monster (aka: main reason to NOT have kids to start with).
My man would have to sign a contract to change ALL of the diapers and my little girl would NOT ever be allowed to pick up ballet (with me being traumatised when my mom was kindly requested to find another hobby for her tomboy daughter) or horsebackriding (what a damn waste of money that is!). My little boy would have to suffer me cheering wildly at any and all of his sports matches but ONLY if he was adequate in them.
Anyways. The mere fact that I ‘know’ these things – regardless of my aversion to both of them is obviously insanity. But that’s the way of the world and its indoctrination. Just by mere exposure, expectations and influencing we are still molded into the perfect little pawns, sometimes unconsciously so. Because I’ll try and hold up my ‘not doing it’ for all eternity but I do know that if I SHOULD ever fall for the trap – I’d still be AS prepared as any babymonger-from-age-six. Even though I didn’t have the barbies to marry to any Kens. Even though I never kept a wedding scrapbook. Even though every fiber of my being screams no at the idea. I’m still prepared. How fucked up is that?!
Zoewiezoe 
“only to find that I opted for a leather one attached to a hip-harness or something like that. STUCK.” 🤣
(This is do you)
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(This is SO you) 🙄
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Screw the big wedding. You won’t remember much. Elope and spend the money enjoying the elopement.
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I doubt I will ever get married, but i did work out a playlist for my wedding.
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It is conditioning and the messages we are sent starting as little girls with princess stories, baby dolls and Barbie. Hello, about every movie ever made. There is even an entire genre, RomCom. Do you get the Lifetime channel and their 24 hours a day Christmas Roms? I only know about them because I use them as a drinking game.
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Not fucked up AT ALL , We change our minds all the time and it is a little reassuring to know, should you make the mistake of marrying someone, then you have a plan (very detailed). It should at least be a beautiful mess. I too have it all planned out, a pinterest wedding board and a baby nursery one ( complete with names, maternity shoot, prefered strollers, the works!!) but I’m “choosing”to not marry and or have children for the foreseeable future
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It’s all about The Dress.
Get that right and nothing matters.
The groom is an incidental accessory.
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I love you know what you want and your fantasy of what you would have! I am loving the waltz and the food.. cheers to you.
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AS a Gen Xer now 50 Ive been married for 22 years. Im glad I waited until I was 28 (I think 30 is the magic number). For me the positives have outweighed the negatives but honestly its close. Kid’s zero regrets and I have the two one of each. Its been a blast most of the time. Maybe I lucked out I dont know but I now have two 20 somethings that are great adults and are people I look forward to spending my time with as I age. It’s selfish, but I am going to be honest here. I think ahead 20 years, which for means I am 70. What the hell am I going to do? Im glad I have kids for the selfish reason that Im going to have a life, even to a degree its through them, for as long as I live.
To each their own I suppose.
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Consider Yourself And
The Rest Of Nature
Blessed For if
‘Churches’
Like the
One i Visit
As An Anthropology
Participant Observer
As i Am Doing Here Hehe
(Poet Thingie in DisGuise)
Yes By Devil 👿 Masses
Remaining Without
Requirements For
MaskS in Winter
Death Months
Of Pandemic
Killing Ways
Heights in Death
As They Lie
When
They
Say
They Respect
The Sanctity
Of Life
In
Lifting
Crosses
As Light
As A Cotton
Mask To
Save
Elder
Pharaoh
Ten Commandments
Old Movie Mud Mix
Grand-ma To
Build
Golden
Trump Pyramids
With Her Blood
And Bones
Left
Over
When
COVID-19
Killing ‘Mass’
Breath Leaves
Her Behind
Without
Moses
(the
Old
Version)
Biden
To Save
Her Life
From
Those
Unmasked
In Church Still
Worshipping
Old Testament
Psychopathic
Trump
God
Loving
‘Them’
On 5th
Avenue
Taking Their
Money For
Fraudulent
Election Conspiracy
(Firing Forever Without COVID-19 Protection)
Lies OMG Humans
Are Frigging 🥜 Nuts
Yes Yes God Yes Save
A Tree Amen Do Stay
Childless
Please
For
If
The Cults
Of Churches
Get Their
Trump
Killing
Ways
Spawn
Will Be The
Rule All Will
Overpopulate
The Earth
Cutting
All The
Trees Down
For 3,000 Square
Foot Homes Fitting
5 Children And
More in
But
Never
Mind That
Will Never
Happen
Anyway
As
There
Is The
Savior
Of
Porn!
Porn!
So
Much
Porn!
And
More
Porn!
When
Hands
Are
Busy Nature
Yes The Real
God Saves
The World
From
Us
By Our
Very
Finger
Tips Of
The Oldest
Relief Of Birth
Control Yep
Save
A Tree
Spill
The Seed
And Remember
Don’t Catch It
As The Human
Pandemic
Is Already
Forecast
To Erase
1 in Every 8
Living Animal
And Plant
Species
In
COMING
Decades
On The
Only
Planet
Heaven
We Got
To Create
Now Yes Have
Fun But Don’t
Leave
Any
Trump
Trash on
The Beach
Grandma Says
Thanks
In Advance
Nature God
As All Too..
Pan Blows
Ya A Kiss
Too
In Ecstatically
Barren Ways of Bad Fruits 🍌 Hehe And Happy Bananas Set Free For Play 🍎 i Believe We
Need More Art
Work For
Saving
All Life MatterS in
FacT i Practice
What i Preach Indeed 🍎🍌
This Might Be TMI
Yet With my
‘Agenda’
More
Fully
Exposed
Indeed Much
More To Come..
In The
Dark
Night
Skies 🌌
-Pan Also
Known As
Lucifer
Bringing
Coming
Light Free
God Yes Let
The Good
Times Roll
Rocking
Eternally
NoW iN
Autotelic Flow
Free Dancing
(The Child)
Baby
Yoda
Bliss
Singing
Free Within
As Usual
Leading
A Choir
From
A Back
Row Wherever
i Land
Next
Falling
By God
Still RiSinG High
In The Night Sky
Coming
Again
As
Any
Venus Will Too
Breaking Morning Dawn 🌅
As Big Bangs
With
Left
Overs
Going
Nowhere
Protecting
The Rest
Of Nature
Ahhhh.. Just
So
Much
More to Come… 😜
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Frankie Steyn… that’s good… I needed a laugh today
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I think it is okay to have a plan for something you would never do. I planned out an entire Japanese house that I knew I was never going to buy. I have planned out several vacations that I am not going to take. Currently I have planned out a woodworking shop that I am never going to have. It’s good to know what you want, even if you are never going to have it or actually want it.
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We didn’t have a DJ at our wedding, it was a brunch-style wedding with a buffet, and there was no honeymoon. You don’t have to follow a script, but if a wedding appeals to you, remember that you don’t have to follow tradition!
I’m that 1950’s girl who settled down in my early 20’s. I’ve been with the same guy for almost 9 years now, and we opted for babies. I’ve always wanted kids ever since I was little. Do what pleases you.
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I feel you! I hate how society starts indoctrinating people from an early age that women should aspire to marriage and kids as their only aim in life! I honestly don’t know what the future holds for me considering I have lived in a few different countries now, so I just take life as it comes. I kind of have to actually
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Well, it’s society conditioning as another commenter pointed out. But it’s also the pull of nature and Gene’s. Especially in one’s 30’s. It gets more intense. Whether they realize it or not, most women are a great deal more “frisky” whilst ovulating. I sure as hell notice this in myself. Even tho I am sure my eggs are fried by now. So this society and nature team up together as a rather formidable force and perhaps enemy. I have also imagined an alternative life for myself involving a husband and kids. Or wife and kids or all 3, lmao. And yeah, I’ve pictures the wedding and everything too.
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A lot of my friends had their dream weddings planned since childhood. When I think about it, I never really thought about marriage until last year. But yeah, IF it ever does happen, it’s be on a beach. 😉
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I LOVE the idea of Mcchicken boxes and fries as are reception feast! A bountiful array of dipping sauces would have to be available too 😁
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Sweet and sour allll the way babyyy!
Drench me in nuggets and call me Ronald 🤣🤭
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Please tell me you would have someone dressed as Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburglar at the reception too 😂
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Well duh. Whose lap would I otherwise be dancing on to make the hubby jealous 🤔😋
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Actually like this imaginary planning with yourself in the lead. And that you like the Pentatonix.😁Yay!
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Yup dude
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I’ve been watching a lot of fucked-upness lately, all based on people being constantly taught to be who they’re just.. not.
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it’s totally ok to feel the way you do, just in case if you find your Mr. Right and end up marrying, then you have a plan in place.😊
For some reason as I was reading, I imagined you lip syncing to ‘Can’t Touch This‘ 😂😁
And you killed it!!!
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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I don’t any of that but I still do —from the wedding theme to all the children names…not something one could escape, especially depending on what you can have between your legs…Expectations
Sometimes life is just that f**ked up😂
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You are a bit of a contradiction lol
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Only a bit?
I was going for enigma!
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I didn’t want to over do it first hit. But now you’ve said it you’re a contradiction, wrapped up in an enigma with a cherry paradox on top 😂
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Banzai!!
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Hehe… I’m glad I got ya! 😀
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Did your mysterious gift arrive?
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No xD
But I checked with my manager and know who it’ll be from. A colleague wanted to send a collaboration thank you. So I shall now await my bottle of wine or chocolates in peace xD
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Well you’ve got that to look forward to.
How are you doing with all that’s going on and the Christmas run up?
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I’m doing pretty ok I guess – no Christmas plans and such
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That sounds pretty good, you can take it easy right?
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Haha yeah – I’ve been working from home since March and single since July so settled into the Netflix-and-work rhythm that came with Corona 🤣😆
And barely any family I’m still in contact with to bother with so easygoing allround.
How’re you holding up
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I couldn’t cope with working from home that long, I would go insane, I have been in a bit. Kinda sucks about the single thing but then maybe you’re glad I dunno.
I’m a bit whatever… Family don’t tend to visit me anyways. I’m not unhappy with that lol
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It’s not fucked up in my own personal Um experience lol I don’t want to get married either it means you’re stuck I don’t like feeling stuck ever it’s a yucky feeling.
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Oh yeah in Japan you can do a single wedding where you get the whole wedding experience without getting married I freaking love it
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I have always wanted to write about the things they DON’T tell you about having babies! You are spot on!
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