Preparing for the unwanted

When it comes to marriage and babies, I am not the typical 1950’s housewife type. Ever since I was young these two particular milestones have been very thoroughly scratched off of my ‘I want dis in mah life’-list. Not because I have any particular qualms against either of the concepts, I just never wanted them for myself. It doesn’t suit me. I’m not the type (and I have an epic list of anti-baby-reasons that exceeds even my list-of-guilty-pleasures) so I’ve never calculated it into any of my futures.

AND YET.

Growing up this whole institution of marriage and bearing babes into the world is such a grand part of our roads of life that we’re confronted with it at every turn and bend. There’s movies. Books. Talks at EVERY family gathering and friendships built solely on the needs for both. So regardless of any want or need for the matters – we get accustomed to thinking of ‘our’ versions of both.

See, I’ve always known I don’t want to get married. But I do KNOW what type of dress I would have (a mermaid cut with an abundance of lace overlay and a train that would make me a dancing hazard to anyone around). And I know the centerpieces to my reception (white peonies and pink orchids). I know I’d have a McDonalds themed buffet with a McChicken boxes tower and a never-ending flow of French fries and ‘frietsaus’. My first dance would be to Anastasias ‘Once Upon a December’.

Hell. If I’d be rich around that time – I’d have it sung to me by my acapella favorites Pentatonix while my now-husband would very professionally waltz me around the dancefloor in the most romantic of ways, there’d be a comical ‘Can’t Touch This‘ MC-hammer interlude with an over the top practiced dance – followed by that weird game where he has to pull the garter off a leg – only to find that I opted for a leather one attached to a hip-harness or something like that. STUCK.

The rest of the night would be followed by a mad bash on the dancefloor to all of the tunes of the 90’s and 00’s with additional input by the Justins, Arianas and Shawn Mendesses of the world. All of the cocktails would (obviously) flow freely and in all of the possible chemical blues, pinks and greens so everyone would lose any and all inhibitions. And somewhere in the middle of this there would totally be a cake-fight after cutting the 8-tier cake made by the Cake Boss (if his hand ever heals).

It would be epic.

And I’ve been much the same when it comes to babies. I couldn’t be bribed to ever have any BUT if I did end up with kids:
There’d be two. A boy and a girl just to have a set of ‘em. Mostly because I’ve always said jokingly that if I had two I’d call them ‘Anna’ and ‘Logan’ so the nerds would see ‘Annalogan’ and Analog. God. Too bad.
Although – I suppose my threats to ditch my worthless dads last name and switch to my moms side (Steyn) would afford me an even worse opportunity: Calling my son Frankie. You know. Frankie Steyn. I’m a monster (aka: main reason to NOT have kids to start with).
My man would have to sign a contract to change ALL of the diapers and my little girl would NOT ever be allowed to pick up ballet (with me being traumatised when my mom was kindly requested to find another hobby for her tomboy daughter) or horsebackriding (what a damn waste of money that is!). My little boy would have to suffer me cheering wildly at any and all of his sports matches but ONLY if he was adequate in them.

Anyways. The mere fact that I ‘know’ these things – regardless of my aversion to both of them is obviously insanity. But that’s the way of the world and its indoctrination. Just by mere exposure, expectations and influencing we are still molded into the perfect little pawns, sometimes unconsciously so. Because I’ll try and hold up my ‘not doing it’ for all eternity but I do know that if I SHOULD ever fall for the trap – I’d still be AS prepared as any babymonger-from-age-six. Even though I didn’t have the barbies to marry to any Kens. Even though I never kept a wedding scrapbook. Even though every fiber of my being screams no at the idea. I’m still prepared. How fucked up is that?!

42 thoughts on “Preparing for the unwanted

  1. It is conditioning and the messages we are sent starting as little girls with princess stories, baby dolls and Barbie. Hello, about every movie ever made. There is even an entire genre, RomCom. Do you get the Lifetime channel and their 24 hours a day Christmas Roms? I only know about them because I use them as a drinking game.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Not fucked up AT ALL , We change our minds all the time and it is a little reassuring to know, should you make the mistake of marrying someone, then you have a plan (very detailed). It should at least be a beautiful mess. I too have it all planned out, a pinterest wedding board and a baby nursery one ( complete with names, maternity shoot, prefered strollers, the works!!) but I’m “choosing”to not marry and or have children for the foreseeable future

    Liked by 2 people

  3. AS a Gen Xer now 50 Ive been married for 22 years. Im glad I waited until I was 28 (I think 30 is the magic number). For me the positives have outweighed the negatives but honestly its close. Kid’s zero regrets and I have the two one of each. Its been a blast most of the time. Maybe I lucked out I dont know but I now have two 20 somethings that are great adults and are people I look forward to spending my time with as I age. It’s selfish, but I am going to be honest here. I think ahead 20 years, which for means I am 70. What the hell am I going to do? Im glad I have kids for the selfish reason that Im going to have a life, even to a degree its through them, for as long as I live.

    To each their own I suppose.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Consider Yourself And
    The Rest Of Nature
    Blessed For if
    ‘Churches’
    Like the
    One i Visit
    As An Anthropology
    Participant Observer
    As i Am Doing Here Hehe
    (Poet Thingie in DisGuise)
    Yes By Devil 👿 Masses
    Remaining Without
    Requirements For
    MaskS in Winter
    Death Months
    Of Pandemic
    Killing Ways
    Heights in Death
    As They Lie
    When
    They
    Say
    They Respect
    The Sanctity
    Of Life
    In
    Lifting
    Crosses
    As Light
    As A Cotton
    Mask To
    Save
    Elder
    Pharaoh
    Ten Commandments
    Old Movie Mud Mix
    Grand-ma To
    Build
    Golden
    Trump Pyramids
    With Her Blood
    And Bones
    Left
    Over
    When
    COVID-19
    Killing ‘Mass’
    Breath Leaves
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    Without
    Moses
    (the
    Old
    Version)
    Biden
    To Save
    Her Life
    From
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    In Church Still
    Worshipping
    Old Testament
    Psychopathic
    Trump
    God
    Loving
    ‘Them’
    On 5th
    Avenue
    Taking Their
    Money For
    Fraudulent
    Election Conspiracy
    (Firing Forever Without COVID-19 Protection)
    Lies OMG Humans
    Are Frigging 🥜 Nuts
    Yes Yes God Yes Save
    A Tree Amen Do Stay
    Childless
    Please
    For
    If
    The Cults
    Of Churches
    Get Their
    Trump
    Killing
    Ways
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    Will Be The
    Rule All Will
    Overpopulate
    The Earth
    Cutting
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    Foot Homes Fitting
    5 Children And
    More in
    But
    Never
    Mind That
    Will Never
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    Anyway
    As
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    Is The
    Savior
    Of
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    Porn!
    So
    Much
    Porn!
    And
    More
    Porn!
    When
    Hands
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    Yes The Real
    God Saves
    The World
    From
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    Very
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    Tips Of
    The Oldest
    Relief Of Birth
    Control Yep
    Save
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    Spill
    The Seed
    And Remember
    Don’t Catch It
    As The Human
    Pandemic
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    Forecast
    To Erase
    1 in Every 8
    Living Animal
    And Plant
    Species
    In
    COMING
    Decades
    On The
    Only
    Planet
    Heaven
    We Got
    To Create
    Now Yes Have
    Fun But Don’t

    Leave

    Any

    Trump

    Trash on
    The Beach

    Grandma Says

    Thanks

    In Advance

    Nature God

    As All Too..

    Pan Blows
    Ya A Kiss

    Too

    In Ecstatically

    Barren Ways of Bad Fruits 🍌 Hehe And Happy Bananas Set Free For Play 🍎 i Believe We
    Need More Art
    Work For

    Saving

    All Life MatterS in

    FacT i Practice

    What i Preach Indeed 🍎🍌

    This Might Be TMI

    Yet With my

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    More

    Fully

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    Indeed Much

    More To Come..

    In The

    Dark

    Night

    Skies 🌌

    -Pan Also
    Known As

    Lucifer

    Bringing

    Coming

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    God Yes Let

    The Good

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    Rocking

    Eternally

    NoW iN

    Autotelic Flow

    Free Dancing

    (The Child)

    Baby

    Yoda

    Bliss

    Singing

    Free Within

    As Usual

    Leading

    A Choir

    From

    A Back

    Row Wherever

    i Land

    Next

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    By God

    Still RiSinG High

    In The Night Sky

    Coming

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    Breaking Morning Dawn 🌅

    As Big Bangs

    With

    Left

    Overs

    Going

    Nowhere

    Protecting

    The Rest

    Of Nature

    Ahhhh.. Just

    So

    Much

    More to Come… 😜

    Like

  5. I think it is okay to have a plan for something you would never do. I planned out an entire Japanese house that I knew I was never going to buy. I have planned out several vacations that I am not going to take. Currently I have planned out a woodworking shop that I am never going to have. It’s good to know what you want, even if you are never going to have it or actually want it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We didn’t have a DJ at our wedding, it was a brunch-style wedding with a buffet, and there was no honeymoon. You don’t have to follow a script, but if a wedding appeals to you, remember that you don’t have to follow tradition!

    I’m that 1950’s girl who settled down in my early 20’s. I’ve been with the same guy for almost 9 years now, and we opted for babies. I’ve always wanted kids ever since I was little. Do what pleases you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel you! I hate how society starts indoctrinating people from an early age that women should aspire to marriage and kids as their only aim in life! I honestly don’t know what the future holds for me considering I have lived in a few different countries now, so I just take life as it comes. I kind of have to actually

    Like

  8. Well, it’s society conditioning as another commenter pointed out. But it’s also the pull of nature and Gene’s. Especially in one’s 30’s. It gets more intense. Whether they realize it or not, most women are a great deal more “frisky” whilst ovulating. I sure as hell notice this in myself. Even tho I am sure my eggs are fried by now. So this society and nature team up together as a rather formidable force and perhaps enemy. I have also imagined an alternative life for myself involving a husband and kids. Or wife and kids or all 3, lmao. And yeah, I’ve pictures the wedding and everything too.

    Like

  9. A lot of my friends had their dream weddings planned since childhood. When I think about it, I never really thought about marriage until last year. But yeah, IF it ever does happen, it’s be on a beach. 😉

    Like

  10. it’s totally ok to feel the way you do, just in case if you find your Mr. Right and end up marrying, then you have a plan in place.😊

    For some reason as I was reading, I imagined you lip syncing to ‘Can’t Touch This‘  😂😁

    And you killed it!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I don’t any of that but I still do —from the wedding theme to all the children names…not something one could escape, especially depending on what you can have between your legs…Expectations

    Sometimes life is just that f**ked up😂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No xD
        But I checked with my manager and know who it’ll be from. A colleague wanted to send a collaboration thank you. So I shall now await my bottle of wine or chocolates in peace xD

        Like

      2. Haha yeah – I’ve been working from home since March and single since July so settled into the Netflix-and-work rhythm that came with Corona 🤣😆
        And barely any family I’m still in contact with to bother with so easygoing allround.
        How’re you holding up

        Like

      3. I couldn’t cope with working from home that long, I would go insane, I have been in a bit. Kinda sucks about the single thing but then maybe you’re glad I dunno.
        I’m a bit whatever… Family don’t tend to visit me anyways. I’m not unhappy with that lol

        Liked by 1 person

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