Tinder Tales – the curious case of the neck-beard

You can spend ages making generalizations that can fit the entire online dating community. It’s hilarious. I do it all the time. I mean, if we’re on the shallow meat market, might as well make the most of it, right? You can bet they’re doing the same for you, anyway (I always wonder how I come off in these things!)
No matter how you twist it though: dividing people up becomes a hobby right quick:

I tend to divide ’em by:
– Their insane photo-choices by categories
(obscure pets, elevator shots, gym selfies, guys with cat-filters and all that, the list goes on!)
– Their bio selections
(no, I did not need to read that ‘tinder bio top 10‘ copy-pasted text full of fictional reviews. Or your views on one night stands and girls with duckfaces. And if I read another bio of a guy describing himself as ‘shy at first but very outgoing when you get to know him’ I might barf.)
– Their social media obsessions
(Why you would look for Insta/Tiktok/Pinterest/Facebook followers on things like Tinder is just…beyond me….)
And of course: Looks!

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that, when it comes to the men of Tinder, there’s categories for every facial, bodily and fashion-feature on the world. But one that completely boggles me (and slightly nauseates me at the same time) AND makes me wonder why you would:
1. Have it,
2. Show the world that you have it,
3. Take apparent pride in it?!

Neck beards.

You know what I mean. Guys who don’t actually grow a beard on their FACE (which is already a royal turn-off deluxe for me in regards to attractiveness) but instead opt for a pubic-looking-hair-masse starting from the (lack of) jawline and working down onto the neck area. Not on the cheeks. Not on the chin. Not under the nose. Just. The. Neck.

And it’s not a rare thing, either. Neck beards, these days, are everywhere. Grooming apparently took second place with the arrival of corona, and shaving is no longer a priority. But seriously – if the only regions where you can grow hair are bodily patches where no-hair-should be….don’t. Just. Don’t.

I mean, as a lover of the clean-shaven look I’m already having a damn hard time in this era where beards are making a hefty come-back and rugged manly-men have seemingly taken over the world at the same time as big-bootied women. But now this? A beard is one thing. Already hard to overcome, but if it’s a well-kept 5 0’clock shadow or three day stubble I can survive. But this neckbeard thing? Oh hellz naw. Nope. Nopity nope. Notta happening. Nope.

But after finding myself in a bout of despair at the quality of available men (or well, mostly at my unrealistically high standards, I suppose) and seeing myself confronted with neckbeard after neckbeard after neckbeard this weekend….I quit. I say this every other week, I feel, but yesterday I cancelled my dating-site subscription and kicked Tinder off my phone (again) indefinitely.

I’ve been noticing more and more and more how dating (or the feeling of ‘having’ to date at least) is weighing on my well-being. I don’t want to date, have no interest in opening up to a new partner but at the same time have a thorough need for finding a new partner and connecting. Heart versus physicality and all that. It’s horrible and a total mood-buster. And something that in this strange Corona-time that it already taking a toll on mental well-being an internal war I don’t really wanna be involved in.

Coincidentally, I read a blog last week from a girl who ‘took 2020 off‘ from dating. Who just vowed to not-worry-about-dating the entire year. And found a boatload of calm, peace and personal growth in doing so. Because you can just imagine the time and ache saved in not fighting up against disappointment, heartbreak and all the other downsides of the dating market. I was jealous. And I was like: I need this in my life.

So late last night I vowed to cross the entirety of December from my list for starters. I’m just going to sit out 2020 alone. Do that cliché thing of ‘working on myself‘ and ‘choosing for self-care‘ (god, at this rate it won’t be long until I’m a meditating prayer-igloo yogi-shaman life-coach professional). But at least I’m hoping it’ll bring me the peace and quiet in the brain that I feel like I’m missing right now. And it’ll surely save me from having to look at the army of neckbeards, anymore. That’s a win, in my book.


Up for some more Tinder Tales?
Keep reading:

Tinder Tales – Picture Perfect
Tinder Tales – Virtually Unique
Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?
Tinder Tales – Darn those algorithms!

Tinder Tales – Anal.
Tinder Tales – Picky

Tinder Tales – But what does it mean?!
Tinder Tales – The curious case of the neckbeard

38 thoughts on “Tinder Tales – the curious case of the neck-beard

  1. Once you’re get to know me, I’m still introverted.

    Welp. I’ve had a beard for years at varying cuts and lengths. Now I wonder what kind of things you’d say about me if I was eligible for Tinder.

    (Deletes account)

    Liked by 2 people

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  4. What is with neck beards? Seriously, why? I’m so happy that my boyfriend has a normal beard (which he trims when I start saying it’s getting too long). I don’t blame you, the neck beard thing would put me off dating too.

    All the best, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh neck beards are disgusting🤢 I am also a lover of the clean-shaven look, but I can admit that beards do suit some people. That said, any future partners of mine WILL NOT be going past a bit of stubble; more than that is too much😂

    Like

  6. Thanks for the follow!

    And oh my goodness, I relate way too hard to this. The one I really can’t stand is “6’2” in heels.” I’m convinced all these people are getting their lines from the same really bad dating playbook 😆

    Liked by 1 person

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