Damn ‘Rona

A little sparrow flew into my living room French doors today. Not because they’re so impeccably clean that you think they might be open, mind you, because I am a lot of things in life, but not a frequent window-cleaner. The dull thud when it hit the glass distracted me from something I was editing for work, and when I looked over, it was on the ground, motionless. My heart broke right on the spot, there and then.

After rushing over and picking up this little bitty thing (that obviously must not’ve been the brightest tool in the shed for hitting a window in full flight) I sat there holding it. A shivering, fluffy and warm little creature. These birds are so fragile that I could literally feel it’s every shallow breath pump up that little chest and every fluttering heartbeat into my fingertips.

It was only after I’d warmed him in my hands for a good ten minutes that he slowly started to come around, perking up as I held him. And after a sip from a bottle cap of water and a hesitant start into the hedge around my backyard he flew off (hopefully not into any other doors).

But that’s when it struck me that this was the first time I actually genuinely touched a living creature in a good solid two months. The first bodily heat against mine. The first closeness to another beating heart. Ever since Corona struck there’s been articles popping up about skinhunger. About touch-longing and about contact-deprivation and the way it’s affecting an entire populus of people that’s gotten way too used to the ease of human contact.

Whenever I’d struggled these past two months with that feeling of ‘neediness’ for partnership. And that desperation for touch, or sex – I blamed it on the not-having-carnal-relations (and that longing has been often, let me tell you). Not too strange a connection, I’d say.

But as I sat there, still knelt down on the ground where I’d released that little bird after warming my soul on it’s warm little body – I realized that I might have been looking at this all wrong. Maybe what I’ve been missing is not so much of a romantic partner – but just closeness in general. Maybe I’ve just been too blind to make the connection to corona with my tunnel vision of ‘love is my only purpose’.

The added difficulty of enduring a breakup during corona is that, I feel like, I’ve possibly not attributed my feelings and problems and needs to the right scapegoats. Or addressed them in the right way. When all of these things happen at the same time it becomes impossible to attribute things to the actual determining factors with certainty. Maybe I haven’t really been as heartbroken as I’ve been thinking that I am. Maybe my complete disinterest in acquiring a new boo is not caused by my shattered heart – but by corona.
Damn ‘Rona.

Up until now I’ve been going pretty easy on this corona business. No passionate hate on my part. I appreciate the working from home. The added attention to important topics and the way it’s reshuffled our priorities. But now that I see the potential to blame my current weary-of-love state on something as simple as unsatisfied skinhunger…DAMN ‘RONA! That must mean I’m not broken. The world is. KA-CHING midlife crisis averted! 😉.

43 thoughts on “Damn ‘Rona

  1. “The added difficulty of enduring a breakup during corona is that, I feel like, I’ve possibly not attributed my feelings and problems and needs to the right scapegoats. Or addressed them in the right way. When all of these things happen at the same time it becomes impossible to attribute things to the actual determining factors with certainty.”

    Yes! You could be right here. That’s quite an annoying combination of events 😆. And indeed I’ve experienced this multiple times— teasing apart the effects/causes of different events/feelings when multiple things are going on at the same time. And I’d absolutely back up that yes— simple animal/human touch does indeed go a long way to keeping us healthy, especially perhaps for more extroverted or sensitive people. Cue the new dog! 😁 it’s so easy to see why humans have domesticated animals— it’s not always possible to get what you need from humans in ‘civilised’ living! And in recent times they’ve been bred more for loving than for working.

    I’ve definitely been feeling that general ‘skinhunger’ (you’ve just introduced me to this term lol) for quite some time, going back to before the pandemic. And I miss my parents’ dog terribly! I will definitely be getting my own dog when circumstances allow it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We once had a little bird that flew full speed into the windows of our winter garden — not once but about ten times, and never seemed to learn anything from the experience. (But eventually gave up out of exhaustion, I suppose.)
    After that we put little flying bird stickers on all the windows, and that seems to have warned them off.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cruel Realities Monkeys 🥶 Without Touch Die Humans
    Just Don’t Get Wired And Suffer A Life Of Coldness
    A Core
    Source
    Of Addiction
    Ice Running
    Through
    Veins
    Frozen
    HeARTeD
    Without Heat
    Melting Genuine Love 🧊

    And Yes It Can
    And Will Be
    A Lifelong
    Use It
    Or Lose
    It Proposition
    Of Love Too With
    Warmth Great
    Enough
    To Trump
    Orgasms
    That Are
    Only ‘Temporary Saviors’
    And Not ‘Normal Breath’🌞

    Like

  4. There is something very human about touching and being touched by anything living being. A stunned bird brings its back. I can see that.

    The world is broken, but it always was, and we humans manage to make it through.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This time, it was not the end that got me the most: you really, really touched me halfway through this beautiful story. What a nice and heartfelt read this was.
    Thank you Ma’am!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So loved your post!! I hate it when this happens. You are lucky your little one recovered! Loved the way you transitioned into what Corona has done to our ability to be close and share human touch and the “Skinhunger” it has produced!! Bellissimo, Dear, Bellissimo!!

    Fell in love with the word “Skinhunger”!! Your post became a great seed of inspiration for me and I am happy to say that it instantly bloomed and blossomed into a poem I would love to share with you, if you might be interested in reading it? If so, email me: chucklindholm@hotmail.com and I will be Pleased to send it to you! You have now become one of my Inspirators and I will be forever indebted to you and your words!
    xoxox
    Chuck
    😘💕🌹😁✨✨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a lovely reply and thank you so much for the warm words – you’re truly too kind!
      Glad to hear I inspired you so much – you’re most welcome to send me that poem, there’s a contact (get in touch) button on my About page that is there for just this purpose (saves my lazy ass the trouble of mailing). Would love to read!

      Rock on!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I have a feeling that “Pandemic world Breakups for Maskers” will be a new level of hell after this is eventually over. Like you can’t do any of the typical activities to help you heal from a breakup: Not safe to see family or friends, let alone new people, not able to go out into the world and do things. All because of a pandemic. If you happen to remember what the world felt like before like with the bird… It’s maddening.

    Only a Buddhist monk or hermit would be unscathed. Shits tough.

    It will end eventually…😷

    Like

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