Comfort Delusions

There’s this thing I do that always makes me hate myself a little bit when I catch myself doing it. Which is, sadly, quite often. But that’s just what happens seeing as I’m a stubborn old goat and stick to bad habits as vigorously as those sticky slimy slap-hands from our early childhoods to…well…anything.

Icky sticky (from amazon.com)

So – Do you ever have those moments where you’ve just climbed into bed, swaddling yourself into the comfort of the blanket. That moment after you found the perfect balance between leg-out-of-blanket and heat-under-blanket? That moment where, inexplicably, a sudden urge to empty your bladder strikes. Even though you just went, even though you barely drank anything for the past three hours. Even though you didn’t have to go the second before your head hit the pillow just right?

They suck.

Those moments suck. Donkeyballs.

I have the same hatred for cuddling my blanket and then noticing the duvet is trying to escape down the bottom, leaving you with an empty cotton flap at the top that just is a blatant disgrace in terms of fluffy blanketness. I can caress that blanket with all the passion in the world, but as long as that empty flap is there, I ain’t going to get my comfort on until I fix the entire bedding. Which. I. hate. doing.

This also. Sucks. SO MUCH.

But outside of the fact that the mere existence of these moments is an affront to my happiness in and of itself – what follows is even worse. Because sometimes…I’ll bear the discomfort out of sheer unwillingness to do something about it. Some days I’ll take my ‘I’m superdupercomfortablebutkindahavetopee‘ 80% bed-love-state and refuse to move. Some days I’ll force myself to fall asleep with a ninja-fold on the empty flap, hoping the rest of the duvet stays sort of in place. Some nights I fall asleep uncomfortably out of some misguided notion that ruining my semi-comfortable state is worse than putting in the work to make it fully-comfortable.

It’s the settling we (or well, at least I) often do in relationships as well. I should know. If eight years of living with my best friend in the world taught me anything outside of the fact that ‘just friends’ isn’t enough – it’s that it’s pretty much idiotic to NOT do the work to go for perfection. It is.

I get that there’s safety in the current. I get that there’s charm in being happy with what you have. I get that there’s a 1000 and 1 excuses to make for taking ‘ok’ instead of hoping for ‘awesome’.

But when I think about it….
When I really honestly think about it?

There is NO excuse for settling into mediocrity because you’re fine where you are, even though ‘epic‘ might just be a mere few changes away. Right there for the taking.

Yet here I find myself in bed, being grumpy at my bladder control, instead of just picking my lazy ass up and fixing it. Here I am spending nights sleeping with the blanket in a state that I hate, just because I don’t wanna get up and fluff it. And here I am settling in relationships with guys who could be perfect if I’d only set and uphold my boundaries. Or sticking with men who couldn’t be perfect even if they’d want to. Or looking for guys to be the next mistake in fear of waiting things out for the jackpot.

I’m an idiot. Someone should slap some sense into me. Not with one of those nasty sticky hand things tho…

35 thoughts on “Comfort Delusions

  1. And now seriously: QUIT “looking for guys to be the next mistake in fear of waiting things out for the jackpot”, promise?
    You’re a price to be won by anyone who’s really serious about getting to know you and who will take the time to ‘unravel’ all your layers to get a sight on who you are as a person. Your smart, complex and not easy – not for yourself, nor for any man – so finding your match will inevitably take some time.
    But when you will meet your match … FIRE 🔥!
    Just you wait and see! 🎰

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Loved you post!

    Everyone that doesn’t accept you “as is” is the next mistake(s), albeit family, friends, lovers, strangers- no exceptions. Now, you don’t have to worry about making that mess, as it will take care of itself for you. Looky there, progress already. Until you start putting on adult diapers… you haven’t settled for anything yet. Keep your life as simple as possible.

    Truth is, no one has the answers you need to find, especially those of us still looking for our own and still lying to ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh good — it’s not only me who has to get up at least once to pee within half an hour of going to bed, just when I finally settle in, even though I honestly went and peed right before getting into bed.

    I hate that shit.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You had me with the balance of leg in, leg out only it is the weighted blanket sneaking off the end of the bed…and the final pee after I’ve gotten comfy. Are you spying on me through my Alexa screen?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Shoot for perfection. You might come up short some of the time, but those times when you don’t….
    I understand the idea of not ruining something, but wondering what might have been is a kind of ruining….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “with guys who could be perfect if I’d only set and uphold my boundaries.”
    I feel like there’s something missing there! In general I don’t really understand this ‘boundaries’ stuff— that seems like the sort of thing people usually need to use with toxic people/less-empathetic people. Which as a sensitive person you really don’t want to be around too much anyway!
    Maybe this conscious boundary-setting is another example of settling for less, when it might not be healthy? Actually maybe that’s what you meant xD. Anyway, this mechanistic talk of boundaries makes me shudder lol.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah it’s the same way you can magically see peoples’ wordpress account email address (which I still think is a bit of a lapse in privacy, especially for people trying to be anonymous and not realising)— you can view these options for anybody who’s commented on your blog.

        In Site —> Comments, at the top-right of each comment window is a ‘User Info’ icon.

        Also in WP Admin —> Comments, you can see all comments in table form and it directly shows each email and IP address there in each row.

        To be honest I really don’t see how this passes any modern-day idea of ‘privacy’ without some really explicit notification warning you of it xD. I presume it’s somewhere in the terms and conditions 🤷‍♂️.

        I remember trying to google how to do this— but all you get is a bunch of irrelevant results telling you how to do something else. It’s really frustrating when you don’t know how to do it! And even then I forgot a lot of times because it’s really obscure.

        Like

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