Tinder Tales – Picky

Opening lines are hard in online dating. I know. I’ve been there (that one whole time last week, but hey, I HAVE been there!). Scratch that. Online dating is hard. As a whole. In its entirety. Totally and completely. Scratch that. LOVE is hard. The finding it, building it and keeping it. But that is NOT an excuse to take shortcuts or put in less effort. In my honest opinion.

Because, when it comes to me and my swiping behaviors – I DO put a lot of effort in the messages I send ‘on the web’. I show an interest, I find grounds to connect, I answer in more than one word answers. Mostly because I love the exciting thrill of ‘meeting’ a new person AND because I treat every person as a potential new chance at love (and an unique human being). And I have 0 (ok, no, I have LESS than 0) understanding for people who treat dating like a box of ‘Kip 20’ (20 McNuggets) – where they approach every person as a carbon copy, not caring which nugget they grab from the box.

And those generic ctrl-c/ctrl-v guys…?
I get those A LOT – now that I’ve joined a dating website that allows anyone and everyone (if they pay the premium) to send me a message. Which, ironically, I could only avoid by paying extra NOT to get badgered by every random dude out there. Honestly though, I am having a grand old time laughing at the men that do approach me.

Most of them at least one (usually two) decades older, with a (couple of) kids and NOTHING on their profile that would in any way match mine. Fucking tiring, let me tell you, weeding through those masses. Men that make you realize that they’re just sending EVERY girl on there a message. Shooting fish in a barrel, hoping that one of their bullets finds a ‘prize’. And let me tell you – they’re not subtle about that being their exact approach either. They flaunt that disregard for the person behind the screen (or exude their bitterness and despair). IF their message even exceeds the one word ‘hi’ (without punctuation or anything, even).

The thing is….if you don’t treat me like a number – I’m a right charm to get to know. Truly. I CAN be quite likeable, I’ve been told. But when you approach me with obvious copy-pasted garbage, sent to boatloads of women in as little time as possible – I get all huffy and puffy and high and mighty and…well…mean. Like this morning:


So – in translation:
Him: ‘I hope you know first aid, because you’re breathtaking
Me: ‘Lucky for me I do AND I even have an extra bottle of burn lotion because with pickup lines like yours I’m expecting you get burned down a lot.’

These are the moments I pat my own back, regardless of how vicious I am. Just because I’m giving these blokes a piece of what I feel is more than a deserved truth-burger. Because I’m making it known that this is NOT the way to go about things.

AND additionally (BECAUSE I’m mean like that) I figured I’d share the laugh with my teammates. One of whom promptly replied ‘You’re not picky are you? Poor guy.’.

I swear, even though it was ‘possibly’ meant as a miss-fired joke – rage flared up inside me so quick and bright that I was on the verge of throwing something into a wall (#heftilyaggressive).

Not even at the reply itself as much, to be fair.
Mostly because I got angry at myself because my FIRST instinct was to defend myself for NOT actually being picky (a defense which I’d typed out and replied before realizing that I GET to be picky). By explaining how I’d STILL (even after the horrendous opener) checked out his profile, seeing if he deserved a chance – to find another one of those never-gonna-match generic bullshit dudes.

Bu honestly though – what kind of world are we living in where ‘being picky’ is thrown at people as if it’s a bad thing?

Since WHEN is being picky a BAD thing, right?

And WHY did I even feel that urge to defend myself? Or why do I apparently secretly think that being picky is not something I get to be, or that I shouldn’t be picky even if I can be – since that reply was my first instinct? Why do I kinda feel that I really should be (and am expected to be) happy with any and all attention that I get. Instead of take that for granted. Hell, how do I DARE to be picky?
It was a whole jumble of thoughts that mostly amounted to me just being furious at the whole concept of dating.

Of course I’m gonna be picky. Hell. I HAVE to be picky. When your goal in life is not to just fuck as many guys as possible and ‘give everyone an equal chance’ at dating you – being picky is a must. Plus – the ‘poor guy’ rubbed me THE WRONGEST OF WAYS. How would he, the person laying a godawful pickup line on a girl he’d know he’d have no connection/chance with, be the victim there? That attitude just makes me want to punch someone.

My point is:
You get to be picky when it comes to love. I – ME – THIS PERSON RIGHT HERE gets to be picky. EVERYONE does. Hell, I fucking get to be as picky as I want, if I want to sit here and wait until Ian Somerhalder AND ONLY Ian Somerhalder messages me, that is my damn right. And if I wanna burn a bunch of nitwit dudes while I’m waiting – that TOO is my damn right. I can be the pickiest picker of picky picks. I WILL BE, DAMMIT!

GRMBLHUFFPUFFRAWRGROWLSNAP.
Guess who’s going to keep the dating app closed for a while again, to prevent further outbursts or actual punchings? Guys suck. Mumblemumblemumble.


Up for some more Tinder Tales?
Keep reading:

Tinder Tales – Picture Perfect
Tinder Tales – Virtually Unique
Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?
Tinder Tales – Darn those algorithms!

Tinder Tales – Anal.
Tinder Tales – Picky

Tinder Tales – But what does it mean?!
Tinder Tales – The curious case of the neckbeard

58 thoughts on “Tinder Tales – Picky

    1. Nope you’re absolutely right! It’s where they get to exercise their approach to best effect. “But it’s clearly not to good effect!”. Nope, but still best effect considering they’ll have to go through thousands for that to actually work with anybody 😆😆😆. Or at least I hope thousands!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. ‘A ‘certain’ effect’ but I may sincerely hope not (to often) the desired effect. Imagine yourself, being on the receiving end of such platitudes … I would literally go (as) mad (as Zoewiezoe did, just this morning). Women nor men are interchangeable ‘goods’ that respond to ‘commands’ like dogs apparently do. Be a bit more creative. And not as in: ‘creating’ a ‘new’ pickup line but giving your honest attention and sharing your personal feelings and emotions.

        Liked by 3 people

  1. And you, just as anyone else, and especially with your qualities SHOULD be picky. Don’t settle for less.

    If it doesn’t feel good … (these Guys should know: you never get a second chance to make a first impression).

    Trust your ‘Gut-feeling’ … listen to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, as someone who has tried to online dating himself and so far has had miserable luck with it, I definitely share those frustrations😂 Duh…of course you have every right to be picky! If someone doesn’t respect that I already think that pretty much says it all😊But these days it seems respect is hard to find, if at all.
    Also just now realising that you are Dutch🙈 As a fellow Dutchy I guess I should say “Hallo”…one heck of a bad opening line though! 😂😂 Great, relatable, and funny post!😊

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha, I guess that’s true: compared to Mr D, everything is better…well, almost everything I guess😅)
        Well, there luckily still decent people around in this age, the trick is to find them though!😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree with you on all of this. And that reply from the friend was disappointing! I’ve been through all of these frustrations before when trying to discuss dating with friends, and I eventually realised it was pointless discussing it with anybody. And I’ve reached a point where I know exactly how picky I am and that I SHOULD be picky, and I’ll do things entirely my own way, because it’s the only way that’s going to work for me!

    I mean sure, still sometimes I find myself feeling lonely— but if you try and share that with those kinds of people, they’ll just blame you for being picky and try to convert you, when you just want some basic empathy, not necessarily to complain 🤦‍♂️. It’s entirely rational and consistent to prefer to be picky and yet still feel wistful sometimes about meeting that person. Because finding a real emotional connection with somebody who happens to be single is HARD! 😆

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The odds may be slim …

        If DO have a “real emotional connection with somebody who happens to be single AND who lives nearby” (and is beautiful and smart and empathetic …) … and still …

        She’s just a friend. A real good friend. And I prefer to actually keep this ‘relation’ as ‘just’ a friendship. A special one, but a friendship nonetheless. Maybe I’m picky too …

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha! I actually have the same thing, since a year ago :D. A great friend is a valuable thing for sure!

        And, showing future partners that you are OK with relationships like that, shows a great level of trust. I would not want them to limit their existing friendships at all.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It seems as if you know who I’m referring to, but I know for sure you’ve never actually met her … so …

        Like

  4. More than
    Ever if i Am
    A Woman
    i Am
    Totally
    Convinced
    No Choice
    But Lesbian…

    Just From
    Hearing
    This Same
    Horror
    Story
    Of Incel
    Male Troubles…

    Left And Right Swiping
    There is No
    Desperate In Enough…

    And That’s When
    The Honey 🍯 Naturally

    Comes…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I came close to shooting fish in a barrel once.

    But I was angry and the fish were just pissing me off. Being a fish can be a beautiful thing, but having your own barrel can quickly turn it into something ugly and smug.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Zoe, I feel ya on that thing where you said something you thought was funny and someone responded in a way that made you flip shit silently, and subsequently have a temper flare and want to rip their teeth right out of their skull. I’ve been there. For me it makes me go back into my turtle shell. I’m like, “well! I shan’t share any stories with *anyone*!” Heh.
    As to dating – irritating as it is, I think like someone said above they are either completely out of touch, or they are saying these things because at some point in time another woman thought it was perfectly adorable.
    I can sympathize a bit with the male temptation to copy and paste. You see, I am about 75% lesbian and thus I have to chase the girls. Lesbians are still women and the vast majority want to sit back and be chased like straight girls. It’s a real challenge because then women like myself who would much prefer to be chased ourselves are forced into the position of being chaser, like a man, and dealing with all the rejection and radio silence which accompanies that.
    I am a recruiter and these guys are practicing recruiting strategy. It’s a much more efficient use of time to message as many as possible, THEN look at profile of responders and if “candidate” is reasonable, correspond and go from there. That may seem cold because we candidates want to feel special, but just consider the other side and that there are a limited amount of hours in a day. Also consider that all the advantages of meeting in person (say in a bar) are simply not there. The pheromones, the facial expressions, the non verbal communication, all of that is missing and those things are THE most important tools in evaluating another person whether you’re a guy or a gal. So these men are doing the best they can within a very shitty construct. For some it also allows them to say things they wouldn’t dream of saying out loud. It’s a mess for all involved, I say. Geez, I’ve been wanting to put a profile up myself but reading your series about this makes me procrastinate. Hahaaa. Anyway. This is practically a post unto itself. Let me conclude by saying I hope you do find a suitable Gent soon so that the nightmare of online dating is something you cease having to tolerate. -Melissa

    Like

    1. I so relate to that ‘I’ll just shut up’ response 😵😱.
      And damn – having to so the chasing in this time and age…I can just imagine the drama…that’s not an easy path indeed!

      And I’m with you on the recruiting strategy approach. Maybe even on the necessity of it…. I just can’t understand how they deal with all the hell noes…

      And doooon’t let these hilarious bloopers hold you back from going for it. They make for better blogs – but I do also get a bunch of fun chats and experiences out of it so it’s definitely not all bad!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I actually think that you responding in a smartass way is intelligently strategic itself. Let’s say some innocent guy makes a dumb comment and doesn’t realize the full extent of how dumb it was. Then he sees your smart ass response and he’s the kind of guy that likes this thing and appreciates your wit. Then he apologizes and replies with something equally witty. You see? It’s intelligent screening. Love it. 🙂 Haha! I think I actually just fantasized about Mr. Right for you on your behalf! As you see, I’ve had my coffee today. I’ll try to keep your last statement in mind. I’ve been putting it off for soooo long because it’s such a shit-show. 🙂 Now it is time for me to go outside. When I start fantasizing about Mr. Right on behalf of my lady blogger friends, it means it’s time to get out a little more haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That WOULD be THE only possible (and potentially very effective) comeback from a line like this indeed 😳🤣 It’s like you know me!

        If you do find Mr. Right out there now that you’re getting into the fray be sure to point him in my direction. Idiot might get lost otherwise 🤭😜.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. That was hilarious. Good for you.

    I don’t use bad pickup lines in real life. However, I have been known to use them on occasions when it is obvious that I am joking. Like one time, this girl I know shared a picture on social media from Halloween with the caption “I was a sexy cowgirl for Halloween!” and I replied, “Yeah, but what was your costume?” Or there was another time I was at a social dancing event, I asked a girl to dance (not a romantic interest, and I knew her to say hi to from us having both attended these dances before – I don’t dance anymore, by the way), and she said “I would, but I was just leaving. I’m really tired, and my bed is calling my name.” I said, “If I were one of those guys who used bad pick-up lines, I would say your bed is calling my name too.” She laughed.

    Seriously, though, my problem with dating apps is that the only people who ever replied to me were old ladies. Now some of those old ladies were only a year or two older than me, but from someone with very little dating and relationship experience, a woman with adult children and/or grandchildren feels like an old lady even if she is only in her early- to mid-40s like me.

    Like

    1. That Halloween line deserves a gold cheesey award! Those types of things DO work a lot better than the tired line up there in my post!
      And that witty reply (with handy disclaimer) about beds as well. THOSE are great. But dropping a line like that on someone you’ve had 0 interaction with? Nuh uh!

      I can imagine your old lady vibes though. Pooping out kids is sure to pile on a couple of maturity years right quick 🤣🤭

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I agree that it’s good to be picky! I remember this really tasteful way that someone asked out once. He asked if I liked dogs and we talked about dogs a lot. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him and his dog at a lake and I said yes! Couldn’t have done it better!

    Like

  9. I don’t think being picky is wrong. You have to be picky on dating apps. The same goes for men too. I’ve met some real loonies on these apps. But, keep swiping. The law of averages is on your side.

    Liked by 1 person

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