Time for another heartbreak?!

There is something that worries me lately. Although, I guess, worry is a big word. But it’s something that I do think about every now and then:

What if I lose ‘my writing’?

You see, I started this blog in august, suffering from the worst heartbreak my heart has ever (and hopefully will ever) suffered. And, looking back, a lot of my blogs around that start had a very cringe-worthy wine-and-bitch-level to them. My pain was apparent from them. I was hurting. Seriously badly. The wounds were big and deep and the need to vent immense. Hell. I thought I was never going to EVER recover. A bunch of those blogs were actually SO painful now, reading back, that I set them to private (not wanting the world of today to see me ‘like that’.)

Before I started this blog, I was posting my writings elsewhere. And they were thrilling. It was the type of writing you do when you’re madly in love (aka: pre-breakup) and was just the delirious, over-the-top gooey love-story that flows out of your pen when you’re on cloud nine looking through rose-colored glasses. I was writing stories that reeked of ‘that couple’. I was writing the story of ‘us’. The nauseating, in-your-face happiness that is too much to take for anyone but yourself, mainly. And people were gobbling that up, as well, just like the painful bits.

Which. In a way. Makes me the fucking Taylor Swift of blogging, I fear.

You know what I mean, right?
Her songs are either glossy love-balads for her current boo, showing the world just how great love is when it’s great. Or they’re the heartbroken rants of a madwoman showing the world how she was wronged. Taking jabs and kicking around in pain, at the ones she loves (or used to love). That’s, I feel, how I tend to approach blogging – as well. It’s an either-or situation. There’s no world really existing ‘inbetween’. There’s no Limbo.

When my writing finds it’s roots so deeply in the realm of love, whether it’s the ‘having it’ or ‘losing it’, one starts to wonder: what if neither is the case.

Because my life right now is both devoid of love, and heartbreak. Empty, in a sense. Will I still have things to write about next month, when the pain of ‘before’ has subsided even more?

Will I still find topics to explore when there’s no connection to be made to the things I apparently hold important? The idea of suddenly running dry scares me, even if there so far is no indication of that happening.

But it IS a possibility. More and more I realize that my heart IS healing. When ‘his’ ringtone chimed last week, my first response this time was a frustrated ‘what does HE want this time?!’ instead of an instant fall into tears and mourning and grabbing a bottle of whatever. And these days, when a car pulls up in front of my house I no longer risk serious injury craning my neck to see if it’s a white station wagon parking there, but I shrug and figure ‘what the hell ARE those neighbors doing that requires them to pull in and out of that driveway 50357823457 TIMES A FRIGGIN DAY?!’.

Plus, now that I’m no longer drinking to forget him (or well, at all #personalwin) the amount of ‘almost accidents’ of me drunk-apping him at ungodly hours to give him a piece of my mind. Or offer up my body for ‘just sex’ or begging to find a way to still be together has entirely disappeared from my system. I AM – regardless of every doubt I had on the topic – healing. Which is good, I reckon. But also bad ‘for business’, I fear.

Is it weird that I sometimes sit here thinking: ‘God. I need myself another heartbreak.’
Just for the sake of having something to write about?

And on the other end of the stick: my need for a new love has all but completely subsided. I can’t really even imagine wanting to spend the time looking, trying and finding that next person to shatter my heart to pieces. And since my libido has now died a gruesome death of starvation and has been buried so deep that I wonder if it’ll ever be found again…this leaves behind a gaping hole of ‘what now’.

IS there going to be something interesting to life (and to my writing) – when it is not love or the absence of it?
I wonder.

73 thoughts on “Time for another heartbreak?!

  1. Or maybe you’ll find a voice that comes entirely from you.
    Maybe that’s the voice people are digging now –
    seriously digging,
    like it’s sand with a treasure in.
    Maybe that’s who you are –
    bonfiring on the beach,
    raining your words like sparks
    and lighting the sky when their stars settle.

    Maybe people come here for the navigations –

    and the adventure comes freely from your heart,
    rather than who’s holding it.

    Ok, a bit wobbly headed this morning and out of words,
    so I’ll finish with penguins…
    🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

    Liked by 6 people

      1. That was officially my Awesome Moment of the Day… so much so that I’m gonna elebrate with an army of owls…
        ‘cuz…
        well, owls!
        🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha, been there done that. I also started writing poems/articles which revolved around hearbreak in the beginning. And there was a point when I thought if I could write anything else when it was over..

    Surprisingly I’ve finished 2 years of blogging, have written on different topics.

    So hang in there. Love or heartbreak or whatever, you’ll get your reason to keep writing 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. If you can channel love and heartbreak into your blog, I think you will always find something to channel into this blog. There is a world of highs and lows out there, and surprisingly not all of them involve relationships. Can I guarantee people will gobble them up? No, but if your writing comes from a true place, then it will find its way to the people who need to read it.
    If your life becomes totally devoid of any passion (negative or positive) you might go through a bit of a slum–which I am going through right now–but it will come back. If writing is your therapy or your outlet, you will need it ….and it will be there for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m fairly new to your blog, so I missed both sides of your Taylor Swift equation. But I know you wrote yesterday that you write about life (up to and including penguin onesies on Zoom calls). As someone who also writes about his life, I do have problems when it seems like life is giving me nothing interesting. I try to follow advice I read once to find a thread of something and pull on it, but it doesn’t always work.

    All that being said … your blog has quickly become one of my favorites! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I understand your fear. The best writings are those with deep emotions. But you could always find another passion as insignificant as it may seem in the begining but a subject to write about. I like your comparison to Taylor Swift on blogging, it’s interesting. You write so well and any topic you decide to write about would be as good, don’t anticipate running out of ideas, you’ll be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree with what everyone has said. Your writing is so engaging and pulls the reader right in with a strong voice. Definitely don’t give up. You should keep telling about how your life goes. You can make any incident interesting because you are a great writer.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I haven’t been reading your blog long and I certainly don’t read every post because I am both lazy about blog reading and rather self absorbed, BUT – I have seen some fantastic writing and humor from you that had absolutely nothing to do with heartbreak or being in love. It was about normal everyday mood shifts and events. Can’t recall a specific example but there were a few good ones. You could write about a tub of ice cream and make that shit thought-provoking and funny. The well ain’t running dry, girl.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s funny how life evolves. 25 years ago when I was in my 20’s I am certain I would have very similar thoughts to the ones you have posed in this post. You said “The idea of suddenly running dry scares me” that never really goes away. In the middle of these seasons of emotion, things change, events happen, new explorations occur, additional heartbreaks are endured. You’re a passionate person, you likely always will be. The passions change as you age, as an example I appreciate a crisp fall day where leaves are falling. I actually seek it out, look for places to go where I can stand in the middle of the trees as they begin their winter slumber. Again, its funny how life evolves, 25 years ago I would have laughed at myself if I had that notion.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww man…it never goes away? Shucks. I was hoping I would grow out of it 😅.

      I love your description of fall leaves and your younger self laughing at that notion. It doesn’t take much to imagine I’ll be much the same in the future, because as you say…change is inevitable. And you’re right…it’ll probs work out on its own 🤩😇

      Like

  9. I’ve been through this feeling a few times… after all the intense drama and inspiration subsides you wonder if you have much else left to give. But, chances are, if you turned to writing during those times then you’re a writer and you’ll find new things to write about. I’ve been writing my little poems for 25 years and even to this day, when I finish a batch of poems I go through a phase for a couple of weeks where I genuinely think ‘that’s it, I’ve said everything now, I guess it’s over’. But there’s always more because we’re always growing and learning. Keep writing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Inspiring!
      I sometimes forget that life keeps rolling even when it seems to be coming to an endpoint. But you’re right – just because I can’t see the ‘new’ possibilities yet, doesn’t mean they’re not going to come to me at some point!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I try my best to be “inbetween”, as you write here. Sure, I miss the rose-colored glasses, however, through knowing that romantic love I have found a greater love. The appreciation I have for her is something that I can hold on to, as I have learned so much from that short period in my life. Thanks for posting. I really enjoyed this read.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. First of all – I love the Taylor Swift songs! You have made my day.
    Secondly – I don’t think there is any threat to your writing. I can tell from your style that it comes naturally to you. You have a very colourful way of writing that is easy and a delight to read. You could make a review of the supermarket’s own cornflake brand interesting Zoe.
    It’s true that there is nothing that is quite such a source of emotions and inspiration as a heartbreak or a drama. Perhaps that is when we write the most poignant of our work. But being in the midst of a drama all the time is exhausting!
    So I do not think there is any problem at all with bringing diversity into your blog – talk about anything, mundane or otherwise. When I have read through the posts of my very good friend, who has been blogging for around two years, it amazes me that she has written on so many subjects, Yet it is always her, and I like that. On every subject you can sense the person. the mind and heart behind the words. I think it’s wonderful to have a space where you can talk openly about any subject and let others see who you are (in a safe way).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Woah, that is an awesome compliment!
      I guess I’ll have to check out some cereal brands soon! 🤣🤭

      And thanks for the boost that – even though topics varied – you stick to blogs like that. Maybe others will too! That makes switching it up easier indeed 💪🤩

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Yes. Whether you write about a mad cow or your painfull choice of a leasecar. People will read it. All because your way of writing about it. It’s, for me, not the topics, but the way you put it.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. No way you’re going to lose your talent in writing. You write beautifully and this is a great way to express yourself. Heartbreak is tough! I never thought I’d have to go thru that ever again and I’m definitely NOT ready for a new one. Heal up and we will all start over again.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. SMiLes
    Find Muse
    Ya Control
    Not
    Muse
    That
    Controls
    You Then
    Just Fly Free With
    It Dance
    First
    Free
    Sing Last
    First Again Be
    And Remember It’s
    Wings That
    Count
    Now
    Flyin’
    Feeling
    Sensing
    Wonder New
    Whether You
    Have
    An
    Audience
    Of Ground or Not..🦅
    Do Eagles Care
    If Others
    Like
    Share
    Or Follow…
    Fly Feels
    Greatest Now
    In Flow AS Human too🌊

    SMiLes My Friend
    (i Call everyone
    FRiEnD Just
    A Strange Habit)
    Over The Course
    Of Social Media
    Never Promoting
    A Thing i Do
    The Millions
    Of Documented
    Views or one
    Is The
    Same
    All
    My
    FLiGHT
    Above
    Below
    Eyes
    VieWinG🦅🌊🎶

    SMiLes it’s
    Only Possible
    To Understand
    This When FLYiN’💨

    Like

  15. Writing helps! Reading your other entries about this dude…he is a total loser. Don’t give him any more attention. In the long run you’ll see it’s good for you that he is out of your life. Block his number and your socials and say good riddance.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Not all of your blogs need to address that emotional roller-coaster. There is much to have passion for. Maybe now is a good time for self discovery. Take your readers on whatever journey you are in at the moment. Many of us have similar experiences and are always glad to read words of validation. Cheers to whatever greets you in each new day 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Oh my that’s a lot of Taylor swift songs. But I’ll agree with you there, TS gives a good company during heartbreaks no matter what kind they are. 🖖

    Plus I dont think you’re going to lose your writing because you’re really very good😮. I couldn’t help noticing that throughout this post. 😇😇💖

    Liked by 2 people

  18. I’m a more recent folower. Most of the things that I’ve read from you have been about a variety of topics. Maybe you needed “the muse” of heartbreak to get started but you have the stuff to keep it going without it.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Maybe it’s all about the journey. It’s not about having won or lost – it’s about winning, and losing – and the story in the gaps. I always think of the gaps – the quiet moments – as the best bits. You know when you’re lost in your own thoughts, and you don’t want to bring up what you’re thinking about because it would mean back-tracking through the insane path that got you there? I often think that’s what blogging is for.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I don’t know about your other blog and I do understand about you feeling like puking them out of existent. Yes, I do get what you meant about Taylor Swift’s songs haha 😀 but you know what those writing might not be as bad as you think 😁
    Please don’t wish to get your heart broken. I’m sure you’ll get inspiration from something else other than love, and the answer to ‘what now’? might come when you least expect it.
    Also this post itself is fun to read it made me smile, you got a nice writing voice. 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand the worry though. Our minds just naturally wander to anywhere but where we are. When we have a relationship, we wonder about being single, and vice versa. If on a whirlwind, we want some nothing, and vice versa. Why are we crazy?

        Liked by 2 people

  21. While I am blogging quite consistently at the moment, I have seen plenty of times where I’ve had nothing to say — sometimes for months at a time.

    Then something else catches my attention and I’m off again.

    I don’t think you need to worry. You’re not obliged to stick to any niche, so you can write about whatever happens to interest you — and I’m sure you will remain as entertaining as ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. You might have some followers who are there for the love stories and heartbreaks, but I think there are much more followers who – like me – just find your way of writing attractive. For me, in addition, it is also about recognition, in some interesting ways 🤪🤓😁
    When I write, it can come from deep-down-inside-struggles or just simple wonders of the day, whatever keeps me busy hahaha… And I need it sometimes to be something simple.
    I think there’s always enough going on in that mind of yours to write about, and you know how to make it worth reading.
    Worry is a waste of time!
    (If I don’t feel like writing or sharing, I simply don’t. That’s the fun of a personal blog 😁)

    Liked by 1 person

  23. If you wrote about what you ate for dinner I WOULD READ IT TWICE! Your writing, your blog and wit has something bloggers like myself aspire to one day have, I don’t think you will ever run out of things to write about.
    P.S. I’ve been offline for a week so if you see tonnes of notification indicating someone has liked a few posts, it’s me and I’m genuinely reading every one too.

    Like

  24. Today morning I went through a heartbreak !! I still love him and guess what… I cried !! But at the end… can’t let the tiara fall down from my head ! After all, I’m my daddy’s princess !!

    Like

  25. Reading this hurt me. Not your fault tho. It hurt me because I understand the agony which you went through and still are in. Four years after the 💔 I’m still dealing with feelings as if it was last night. Earlier this year I wrote and published 3 ebooks on amazon. Two of them were of poetry and another about relationships. All relating to her. As if they were going to solve or erase any of my pain. Haven’t been able to look at what I wrote in them again. The editing process was a suffering process enough to want to avoid the content and the reality I have within me about her and what used to be us. I’m mourning this more than I mourned my father’s death. I’m continuously looking for newer distractions to write about but somehow I find ways to mostly express things related to that past. There’s a part of me that wants a new person yet like you kind of said, I’m not sure I want to make that investment again. I do want to suggest to be careful with what artists/writers are cursed with. Which is sadness. It’s always the best state in which we create our best work by transferring our emotions into a kind of reality. So we sort of unconsciously seek to have a suffering present in our lives to ironically make ourselves partially feel better with achieving a fresh hatching.

    Like

  26. You are a natural writer and I don’t believe you’ll ever lose that. I am jealous of your writing skills, and wish I had your natural talent. Don’t worry about writing about love or heartbreak. I have enjoyed many of your posts that had absolutely nothing to do with either.

    Like

  27. Just a while ago I caught up with your writing. Man, you have written it so opulently. The frothiness of your words makes me feel like writing even more. You have poured out your feelings so well. Mindblowing. Keep up. 🙏😊

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Maybe it’s time to enter a new love affair – one with your Creator. He will never abandon you, although I suppose you could abandon Him. Just don’t. 😉 And by the way, He also created the whole universe. You will never run out of things to write about.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: