Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I think I missed an exit somewhere to the great barren land of isolation that my grandma (and pretty much the entire world of blogging) seems to have wandered into since the descent of ‘the big C’.
Because as it currently stands, I am busier than ever. More work, more contact with more (old) friends, more people to meet (within the bounds of regulations of course, cause I’m a good girl like that) and more ancient acquaintances popping up from whatever burial ground in my memory they were entombed in.
And thus a lot more emails, meetings and messages constantly making my phone go *bleep*. (Not to mention this lil’ ole blog o’ mine that does require some TLC too). I guess the boreddom of isolation drives people to break out all of their contact books or something. The search for human interaction is ON.
And to someone like myself, who would do just fine in a cabin in the woods – that can be a chore. Something you’ll have probably gathered from previous blogs, obviously. My quest for a hermit state of being is no secret.
It’s mostly because I find human contact very tiring (not that I’m not human – or is that something any not-human would say?). And there’s several reasons why that is the case, ranging from my very limited interests in people-that-arent-mine (aka ‘inner circle’ folk) to me rather doing pretty much anything else than be sociable to the one main reason why I dislike people:
They have…such….trouble….being…direct. There seems to be something programmed into most of the peeps out there that prohibits them from being clear, direct and upfront in their communications. Like I am at all times. And like I like to be treated in return.
Instead their requests have to be clad in layer after layer of smalltalk instead of made directly. Demands are barely concealed behind kind words instead of uttered outright. And intentions have to be guessed solely from being able to read the small, tiny letters inbetween the lines (not my forte) instead of made clear in not-to-be-mistaken wordings.
And I don’t get it. And I don’t like it. And I don’t have the time to spend to figure out the ‘message behind the message‘ (nor do I want to). It’s just such a chore to sit yourself down and having to figure out why peopleo what they do. Especially since it ALSO makes me doubt myself. Because who knows…maybe I’m just reading too much into EVERYTHING! But on the whole – most of these things just make me go FULL ON Adam Lambert. What? What is it? WHATTAYA WANT FROM ME?!
Maybe a colleague inquiring after my weekend is not just working up to something they want me to do for them. Or that innocent ‘hi‘ from that guy I haven’t spoken to in months, after a blog on ‘not getting laid‘ is just coincidental timing instead of them wanting to fix the problem on an easy score. Maybe the ex sending me a message after that same blog is just him being supportive of my blogging endeavors instead of…I can’t even imagine what else it might be. Or my manager asking me ‘if everything is going okay‘ is just doing a standard round of inquiries instead of thinking I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown (I’m not, yet, just fyi 🤭🤪).
These are all perfectly sensible possibilities of something being exactly what it appears to be without some ulterior motive that is to be discovered. BUT (there’s always a but) experience has taught me that such is very rarely the case. And breaking my head over the ‘other‘ reasons and possibilities for these covert contact moments is something that really grinds my gears.
I don’t wanna spend an evening staring at my phone waiting for ‘the reply‘ that will reveal their cards and true motives. (And do a little celebratory dance cause I was totally right). I don’t wanna sit here wondering if I was wrong or if they just chickened out or got distracted before getting to the point when that message doesn’t come and the chat falls silent again.
All I’m asking for is people to just figure out what they want, need or wish for and then just throwing that out there.
I’m a simple person. I don’t generally bite. I don’t judge (too harshly) and don’t tend to throw doors closed in faces (with noses still between the pane).
Communicate with me plain, simple and direct without me needing to guesstimate what the real question may be or what you might actually be thinking. Hell – preferably they would EVEN give me an explanation of how they arrived at their particular desire, need or wish AND some indication of what they’re expecting from me exactly so I don’t have to play a round of 20 questions to figure that out.
It could be THAT simple. Fuck it. It SHOULD be THAT simple. The magic of direct communications and honesty should not be a mystery to most but a standard to all. Because what I really really want is some peace and quiet…ehhh…