TMI – The Libido-switch

It’s been 38 days, 20 hours, 12 minutes and some random configuration of seconds ago. Not that I was counting. But I used to be counting, and I am definitely counting now. Because I stopped counting. If that makes sense (it probably doesn’t).

First of all – a TMI warning. This particular blog is going to focus things of a sexual nature (or more specifically, the lack thereoff). GRANDMA AVERT THY EYES! So please scroll and click away or flee the building if you’re so inclined. It’s alright.

But as you can see from the first line of this blog…. ‘it’s been a good ole while’. Since…you know…I did ‘the dirty‘ (how do we still live in an age that views sex as dirty?!).

But goddamn. It’s been a while. For me that is. I suppose that for other people this might be a totally acceptably lapse of time, or even an extremely short blimp in a lifetime of nothingness. But for me it’s nearing on a century of not passionately engaging in things that would get nods of disapproval of a great many elders in religious circles. But in the words of Julie Andrews ‘these are a few of my favorite things’. Sawwy. And I hated every moment of it. Until last week

You see – I(‘ve been told that I) can be quite a demanding little thing when it comes to matters of a physical nature. ‘More is better‘ is an often used terminology and the mere thought of not partaking in lustful behaviors can be enough to swing my mood from cheery to doomsday desperate. That is: WHEN I am such inclined. Aka: When my libido is alive, fed and functioning. Or: when my libido-switch is on.

When I’m on….I’m ON. More than ON. I’m HELLA ON. The three times a day, please more, please –insert some other requests– type of person that can be a total prize or detriment to an (un)willing partner.

It makes me a horrible person to be around when such matters are not tended to and my mood then quickly descends into dramaqueen-ish territories and bad decisions that start piling up to fulfill ‘needs‘ that need be met.

I confess. I’m ‘that‘ girl. BUT there IS a bright side to this whole ordeal (or an even darker side to an even worse ordeal, depending on who you’re asking). Because that insatiable libido that can be controlling of mind, body and circumstances – switches off.

It takes ‘a good ole while‘. But it does. Switch off. Entirely, totally and completely.
Sex then, suddenly, disappears from my life entirely.

So much so that getting a Karen-bob (or, as we Dutch say it: ‘kortpittig kapseltje’) becomes a totally legit option. And when jeggings (or worse even, white leggings) become valid outfit choices instead of fashion faux-pas’. Where my idea of a good time transforms from a weekend spent in bed together with a Magic-Mike-approved model to me crashing the couch alone with an entirely too high number of carbs. Where comfort suddenly fuels my life’s choices, instead of passion.
At 31 days, 10 hours, 12 minutes and some off random configuration of numbers, it turns out. Apparently. As I discovered one (not so sunny) Monday morning last week, with the switch suddenly being thoroughly and undeniably switched off.

The thing is – where in the past this made me want to do crazy things to repair said state – I am currently very much inclined not to care. No. Wait. I might even say that I am enthusiastic about the prospect. Hell. You know what? I am just going to declare celibacy my NEW GOAL IN LIFE. For a myriad of reasons, come to think of it, that I can only clearly see now that the libido-switch is off.

First and foremost – if I CHOOSE celibacy….that number from the first line ticking up and up and up is not a dark gaping hole (pun toooootally not intended) in my life. It’s not a lack, problem or deficiency. It’s a goal. An achievement. A reward for persisting!
(All much better words for a healthy state of mind).

AND GOD – JUST IMAGINE THE TIME I’LL SAVE NOT HAVING TO DO UPKEEP?! (Yaknow, shave and scrub and lotion and all the nice-smelling things that get all the guys to go hubbahubba!). Plus the ease of mind I’ll have not swiping Tinder. Or planning dates that are epic failures. Or talk to guys that are insufficiently qualified to even take up 5 minutes of my time but somehow end up sharing ages with me?

Think of the money I can save on buying make-up to look purdy ‘for them‘. And perfume to smell nice ‘for them‘. And going to dinner with unsatisfactory dates. And wine to drown love-inflicted-heartbreak-sorrows with (ok fine, I’ll still buy the wine, but just because I like it.).

OH MY GEE. Just think of how comfy I’ll be in flat shoes and baggy jeans and slobbering hoodies now that I no longer have to wear towering heels and curve-hugging skirts and low-cut tops with flesh-eating bras. And imagine how much weight I can gain without caring cause I ain’t got no one to look pretty for anyway?!

Celibacy? Living without a libido? It’s life on Easy mode. And I’m all for it. Times are hard enough as it is with the COVID madness. And the world crashing into a soon-to-be-apocalypse. And all good men being either gay or taken anyway. Libido-switch off? Who cares! GLORY TO THE DONUTS!

Ps. You either read this and take it at face value as the bitter speech of a soon-to-be-cat lady girl-incel. Or you’ll know me a bit and just sit there going: ‘Bitch needs to get laid’. Only one of them is correct. Just saying.

39 thoughts on “TMI – The Libido-switch

  1. Well, you always look purdy in my little imaginary world – and though I’ve been told it’s a strange world and wouldn’t count as evidence in a court of law, I think your purdiness comes from somewhere way deeper than the lotiony things could reach.

    I’m just imagining someone actually saying “hubbahubba” and not looking like a car trying to start of a cold wet winter morning.
    Not that there’s anything wrong with that – my car has been known to look adorable on cold wet winter mornings.

    Sorry, I kinda went off track. I came in with the aim of using the word purdy in a sentence (see? you gave me a goal) and then got distracted.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. At ‘Church’ And
    The Dance HAll
    i Find They Dance
    Sing Love
    Yourself
    As You
    See Others
    Loving Each
    Other to That
    Overall Affect
    This Seems
    To Work Out in
    Self
    Directed
    Theater And Play
    Even Been used
    As Somewhat
    Of A Tool THiS WaY
    Really Surprised How
    Positions of
    Dancing
    Changed
    When
    i Went
    Back After
    The 80’s
    Fields of
    Endless
    Fertility Wise
    HipS inDeed
    A Woman’s World
    Market to
    Choose
    From
    Now too🐸
    i see You aren’t
    Looking For
    Prince
    Charming
    The Dance
    Is More Than
    Willing to
    Lead
    To
    Dreams
    Fulfilled
    Yet Covid-19
    Shut All The
    Free Wings
    Down
    Yep
    Back to
    Swiping
    Left And
    Right now
    For whatever
    Comes Next Fresh🍎

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I enjoyed your humor in this post. My reaction is that it seems to me that everyone is different, and we are always changing. My sex life is not the crazy it was 35 years ago, and neither am I. If you are happy with you, then who else do you really need to please? I think also that how you feel today is not likely to be the same as a year ago or a year from now. I enjoy your honesty, and I hope you had fun with your post. – David

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the compliment!
      And the wisdom 😁🙃 You’re absolutely right. Times do change a person and ‘to each his own’. It’s just that ‘if you are happy with you’ part. Still struggle with that 🤷‍♀️😅

      Liked by 1 person

  4. As somebody who has a libido that’s *at least* on par with yours, I can relate. 🙂

    I briefly once before hinted at it seeming like your standards are WAY high, and that I think that’s part of your problem. HIGH standards are great with things like values, shared interests, maturity, etc… Beyond that, they can become a hindrance and prevent you from meeting somebody who is amazing if you look closer. It’s a balance thing; never settle for just anyone, but ruling everyone out doesn’t work either. ‘Nuff said there. 🙂

    You have an easy option (beyond B.O.B.) also, depending upon your morals. Just accept that you have needs and go out and get laid outside of a relationship. Some women see it as slutty, some see it as empowering and taking control of their sexuality. IMO, it comes down to how frequently it happens and how discerning one is in choosing a partner. Balance again.

    Before you poo-poo the choice outright, remember we are in the 21st century. You asked yourself; “how do we still live in an age that views sex as dirty?!”.

    Pick up a guy yourself or let one pick you up if you want to maintain a sense of decorum. You could even choose a guy friend that you’re not so close to that it’d be weird and make him a sex buddy. Just make it clear that it’s not a relationship, just taking care of each others’ needs occasionally, AND you *demand* discretion. FWB relationships do tend to get complicated eventually though, so choose carefully.

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  5. I often tell my man that he’s very lucky that after our 19 years together, that I still fancy him. I suppose I am lucky also in that he still fancies me, probably because we don’t live together (for various reasons). However, I totally “get” your post. Sometimes our girl switch is on and sometimes it’s off. That’s fine. We can chill out on the sofa, wear our lounge suits and just be. Equally we can dress up and look even more gorgeous and just be. It’s all about being happy with the situation we are in and it sounds like you are happy and content with the switch being off at the moment. I have no doubt the switch will turn to on at some future point – watch out boys😉xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Celibacy is easy for virgins I think. I was a Virgin for a long time and had no issues abstaining from sex. It became challenging since losing my virginity and I haven’t gone more than a month without it….ever.

    One thing that kills my libido though is pregnancy. I cringe at the idea of sex now and I’m only 9 weeks along. Last time I got pregnant the idea of sex was nonexistent by second trimester.

    Like

  7. Great photo and interesting post. It’s almost Halloween so I say, go out and make the beast with two backs. Why? Because it is so much damn fun 🤩!! Here’s hoping you reset your timer soon.

    Like

  8. I’m “that” girl too, keep being that girl or whoever girl fits your mood, also life’s too short for makeup, high heels and bras so might as well wait for the guy who will want to see you free and happy rather than pretty and perfect but rather unhappy!

    Like

  9. One of my oldest and best girl-friends (how do you say that without it sounding like “girlfriend”) sounds remarkably like you – almost to the point where at “hello”, I know if she’s ovulating 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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