No Ragrets!

Regret: feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that one has done or failed to do).
Mistake: an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.

Apparently it’s the week of ‘tell Zoë she’s wrong about things!‘ (which, to be fair, is not one-week-a-year-occurrence) with people feeling the need to express their wisdom to me. Unrequested, uncalled for AND incorrect, I might add. Which is fine, overall, seeing as critique is a very effective reflection-boost and perfect opportunity to gain new insights (or a delightfully easy way to separate the wheat from the chaff).

Examples, you ask? Sure:

Two-date Tinder-dude:
‘You’re going to regret not giving ‘us’ a chance. -insert completely out of context , unsavory dick pic AFTER me cancelling date three-

Random internet weblog stranger:
‘You’re going to regret not being close with your family. Family is the most important thing in life.’

My inner angelic voice:
‘You’re going to regret opening that bottle!’

Ok fine. That last one I made up (there’s actually 0 booze in the house right now AND my inner voice knows better than to try and curb my drinking). Although, admittedly, my head MIGHT in the past have felt some regrets ‘the morning after‘ as the one exception to my NOT feeling regret. ‘WHAT? Zoë, you feel no regrets?!‘. No worry, mysterious reader – let me explain!

Mistakes =/ regrets!

Seriously when people throw the phrase ‘you’re going to regret….-whatever-‘ my way: I pull on the brakes. There’s no room for regrets in my life. I make mistakes, sure. A lot of them, actually. But I make it a point to regret NOTHING. The thing is that there’s a crucial difference between regrets and mistakes in my universe (as pointed out above), wherein the locus of control and the sentiment are very important.

Regret, following the classical definition, is a state of sadness (or discontent) created by ones own actions. You regret something you’ve had control over, without any outside influence, and ‘done‘ (or not done) yourself. Aka – you mourn making a mistake.

Fuck that shit. When I make a choice, I make a choice. That’s it. My locus of control is fully internal. I own my life, my choices and my world. The outside world, however big of a factor and influence, does not control my choices – just my outcomes. And in that power I take to make my own choices (instead of feeling victimized by the world around me) I make mistakes, of course. And where you CAN regret mistakes, I don’t. A mistake does NOT have to equal regret.

Outside of that tattoo being horrendous on ALL fronts – it’s also untrue:
A past mistake CAN be a learning opportunity. A reminder to act differently in a new situation. It can be a confrontation with unhealthy patterns or a chance to adopt new ones. It can be a source for pain and a powerful means to finding out your worth.

But regardless of the negativity intertwined with the ‘making of a mistake‘- it is not something to regret, because every mistake holds its own power. You just have to find it, which you will never do if you just sit there moping because you made a mistake. Regret immediately stops any possible progress to be made on the premise of that mistake. AKA – not in my repertoire.

Usually though – when people tell me I’m going to regret something…the only thing I regret is having them in my life. Which it usually fixed quite soon thereafter. I’m easy like that.

So save yourself the trouble. Your externally fed ‘good intention‘ ain’t got nothing on that internal locus of control of mine. I learn from my mistakes. I don’t let them become regrets (although, were I to get the tattoo from the featured image…I MIGHT).

Ps. cutting people out of my life (be it internet strangers, tinder dudes OR family and partners) has so far VERY rarely been a mistake AND more importantly: never a regret. Inconvenient? Definitely. Life-changing? Totally. Painful? Sure. But a regret? Never. Because anything that comes close to me regretting it: I fix. Whatever it takes.

49 thoughts on “No Ragrets!

  1. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    “anything that comes close to me regretting it: I fix. Whatever it takes.”

    Words that need to be written with gold. Amazingly triumphant soul.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. The other day you were talking about your disdain for “You have to”. In the pantheon of what not to say, I think “you’re going to regret….-whatever” is way worse that “you have to”. People use “have to” with all kinds of things. You have to try the new restaurant. You have to do your taxes. And so on and so forth. I see it as a throw-away phrase at this point in life. Regret comments seem to make me think the person doubts my judgment. Good post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah…somehow ‘you’re going to regret’ sounds more like an actual threat than a claim on your person. Have to is less personal and more easily discarded. They both suck donkeyballs tho 🤐🤪

      Liked by 1 person

  3. There seem to be a lot of people out there who are right about stuff at the moment. I’ve had a few of those comments fired at me ( if I hear about how someone rates the importance of family one more time, I get a free t-shirt).
    Was I going somewhere with this?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That bird hatches every time I encounter a certain kind of self-righteousness.

        Ong, you just made me smile. I hadn’t budgeted for an unexpected bird-flipping-relatedsmile this evening. Think I’m gonna need a drink.

        🖕🖕🖕 to the bobbleheads (sounds like an album)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. There’s a lot of truth in that. We all make mistakes, and when we do the best course of action is to acknowledge the mistake, correct it if possible, and then move on.

    Sitting around moping over the past does no-one any favours.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. One ‘thing’ that
    IS Possible is to
    Master one’s
    Emotions
    Through
    Meditative
    Autotelic
    Flow
    The
    Other
    Animals
    Rest Easy this
    Way unless Fight
    Or Flight come into
    Play As Predator or
    Prey indeed True
    i Make
    Mistakes
    And i Correct
    Them too i see
    Mistakes As Opportunities
    To Grow So All is For
    Giving Thanks
    Giving NO
    Regrets
    Baby
    Automatic
    Forgiveness
    DarK Thru LiGHT
    But Yes of Course
    Scientifically Assessed
    True At Least Rare Folks
    Who are Born now With
    No Ability to Experience
    Regret may either
    Leave a Path
    Of Destruction
    Or Be the
    Best
    Surgeon
    To Repair
    A Heart
    True
    Even
    Psychiatrists
    And Clerical
    Folks pave
    A Path
    To
    Healing
    And Halloween
    👻 Now
    For
    Real
    Yeah
    Like Burning
    Folks forever
    In Hell 👻 Boo!
    Bedtime Stories
    Don’t Scare
    me
    And
    Neither
    Do Psychopaths
    With Robes And Suits 😇😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 👏👏👏 so much to learn from mistakes and deemed failures. Highly recommend How to Fail podcast, since I started listening its helped me let go of fear to fail and let go of regrets xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The best post I have read! Couldn’t agree with you more. Serious topic and you still made me laugh 😆. Today I will watch my game at noon and order my scotch. I will say a toast to you and drink it with no regerts 😁.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Powerful words (once again) and SOOOOO true.

    “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again: to few to mention” as Ol’ Blue Eyes used to sing.

    You gave words to something I’ve felt my whole life: “Every mistake holds its own power.”

    The biggest ‘mistake’ in my life ended in a motorcycle accident, but by turning this ‘experience’ into something to learn form (about myself, about life, about what really counts) it has become one of my greatest blessings.

    No regrets.

    So, if something ‘happens’ to you that you ‘could’ possibly ‘regret’, FIRST: learn from your ‘Miss Steaks’ 😉

    (Oh, and pleazzzz keep writing blogs like these: food for thought, fun, everything 😊).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha – I think that three months of consistently posting bodes well for that last wish 😉

      And yes. You do set a shining example in not letting life be clouded by regret but instead embracing a mistake and emerging stronger. This young padawan is impressed, even at your 70% 🤪

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Learning from our mistakes is a great way to progress forward. I agree we are in control of our decisions and if we don’t like where our decisions have led us, we learn to make better decisions. Life is too short for regrets, do it don’t do. It’s your choice. Thanks for sharing, the like and follow.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Most western education systems teach us to be sacred of making mistakes. Everything is black or white, right or wrong. That’s rubbish. Take James Dyson for example. It took him thousands of attempts to make his first vacuum cleaner. He learned from each failed attempt and eventually made one of the most popular products of its type. Humanity would never progress if it didn’t have creativity and avoided taking risks. Life shouldn’t be held back by the fear of making mistakes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Mind is already blown at the idea that there’s toaster related truth bombs…
        What other undiscovered secrets do household appliances keep from me?!

        Like

  11. Lol. I feel like regret is a pretty strong word. I dont think I would regret anything happening. It’s working together either as a lesson or a blessing. And the last person to tell me about regret is another flawed human being. Miss me with that. We all have problems, we all need Jesus. Periodt

    Like

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