My love of lists has gotten me into trouble again, boys and girls! I swear, of all the things that are a constant in my life, this urge of mine….for order and traceability is one of the most condemning factors of my life. IN SO MANY WAYS.
Ok. That was a little more dramatic than I meant to make it sound – but it’s still kind of true. A few weeks ago I installed this app called SeriesGuide on my phone, which allows me to trace all of the series (and films) I’ve watched to the very episode. Paradise for a list fanatic, one might say. HORRIBLE invention for a list addict, I’ll tell you.
Because the thing is….before I installed this app I could live my life blissfully unawares of my watch-list. Now. Now I can’t. You see – I’m a little bit of a psycho when it comes to ‘watching series’. A bit OCD even, maybe (although claiming labels without a diagnose is a horrible thing to do). But once I start watching something? I HAVE to finish it (even if I HATE the concept of have to!) and regardless of how horrible a series turns out to be.
These past few years I’ve had to battle through eight seasons of Vampire Diaries. And through the horrors of the Walking Dead (which stopped being fun after three seasons). I’ve had to suffer through all of the seasons of Merlin and I’ve watched Once Upon a Time until I almost lost my love of Disney. Because honestly…most series lose their charms after a season or 3. Everything after that is just prolonging an inevitable HORRID ending like Breaking Bad.
But I kept watching. And now I have an app that’ll tell me EXACTLY how many barf-worthy episodes of started-but-not-finished series I still have to watch. Can you imagine how MUCH I despise the fact that I still have to watch 176 episodes of Arrow? 176(!!!!!!!). That’s pretty much a friggin entire lockdown month. Jezus fucking christ. But I can’t help it. I MUST finish what I started. Whether it’s a plate of food, a to-do list or my SeriesGuide watchlist.
Right now I’m forcing myself through Chicas del Cable. Which, if it hadn’t become a HAVE TO watch – might not have been so bad. Now, however, I despise every farfetched episode of it. I have developed a hatred for the Spanish solution to viewer fatigue. To the max.
Viewer fatigue, you might ask? Yes.
Do you know how series that you watch seem to become increasingly violent, dramatic, with additional idiotic storylines and weird-as-fuck the longer they go on? That’s because of viewer fatigue. We get accustomed to certain levels of drama very quickly and thus increasingly desensitized to certain situations. Which means that storywriters and series producers feel an ever increasing need to keep impressing an ever tiring audience. Aka: top the last episode. Continuously (tip: you can’t!)
Spoiler alert: Which is why after two seasons of Chicas del Cable I am now watching ‘5 supposedly normal women’ in a constant battle against abducted children, plots to kill royalty, accidentally fucking twin brothers and intrigues against drug lords and escape sessions from hitman. It. Makes. No. Sense. And I fucking hate it.
Because it reminds me of my life. Too much.
In a weird way.
Not because I battle drug lords or have to recover my stolen baby from people on the regular. Thank the lord. But because I recognize this ‘viewer fatigue’ on a more personal basis as ‘lovers fatigue’. Because can you imagine what it would be like to rewatch 5 seasons of the Teletubbies after just seeing the Game of Thrones seasons final? You would not be having a good time, nor be impressed, not feel any amusement or enthusiasm whatsoever.
I’m much the same, I’ve come to realize. I’ve had my Game of Thrones run when it comes to love. Seen all the beauty the paradise of passion has to offer. And have been ruined by it.
I’ve been on the edge of my seat every time I heard my phone chime for a ‘him‘ message for months on end and can now no longer suffer getting that ‘nah, not in the mood‘ feeling I get with most of the replacement options. I’ve had to switch panties during the days for way too much of them to opt for someone who can barely get the motor running. And I sure as hell don’t feel the need to settle for ‘decent‘ when I’ve dated ‘epic‘.
I am now totally unwilling to downdate, just like any rational person would be unwilling to return to any watered down option of the same series. Much like there’s people who lost their entire taste for life after watching Avatar (the blue people Pocahontas rip-off, not the awesome airbender version).
People literally fell into depressions (or worse) after watching Avatar because they realized they’d never get to live a live as exciting on a planet as beautiful as Pandora. And I feel pretty much the same way about finding a new amorous partner. There’s (so far) been no matching what I’ve known and that leads to me quickly pushing a self-destruct button on all of the things I’ve tried but that hopelessly fall short. Cut things off before they end up on my watchlist and I have to see them through to the end.
Would I then be better off without SeriesGuide, or is there a healthier approach that would allow me to watch (aka: date) lesser versions without feeling like I wanna throw something at the tv (or a person)? I wonder.
Maybe I should just start dating Quintin Tarantino or Tim Burton. They sure know how to make a lasting impression.