In todays episode of ‘connecting completely separate things in totally unlogical ways’:
The speed limiter on my car and it’s relevance in personal development!
You guys ready for this? It’s gon be farfetched and awesome. I pwomise. You know me by now!
So. This morning I’m in my car right. Places to be, people to see, the works. It’s early, I’m on the highway and I’m a responsible adult so I’ve put my speed limiter up to 105 km/h (since it’s a 100km/h speed limit).
I don’t use cruise control, obviously, I like to be in control of my pedals instead of letting that car think for me too much, but the limiter I do use when I try to avoid getting more tickets (I have this rebellious nature that makes sure I cannot be restricted by something as petty as a speed limit. I drive my speed, tyvm). The road I’m on is often inhabited by mean cops trying to punish you for just wanting to get where you going. Even if that’s a little faster than appreciated. So fine. I use the limiter.
I might even be too stubborn for this speed limiter that’s just doing it’s job. It prevents you from driving faster than the speed you’ve set, regardless of how much you press down on the gas pedal.
It’s infuriating, really.
And I WILL hold that pedal down, even if it doesn’t make me go any faster. Especially if there’s an old lady in a Suzuki Swift overtaking me just because I’m keeping to a government imposed limit instead of driving to my max potential. UNFAIR.
Self-induced roadrage. Selecting a limit for yourself and then getting frustrated for not being able to drive your car over it. I’m such a weirdo sometimes.
Especially since I found out that flooring it and then double tapping overrule that limiter. Guess how often I drive the limit now?
Indicative of my life, really. Because that’s how I am with personal limits and boundaries as well. Great in setting them, awesome at determining them, good at recognizing them and then….totally incapable of upholding them. It’s a total defect in my human capacities. Horrible, really.
Because I KNOW that there’s a limit to what I’m capable of. And that there’s boundaries that I should set for myself to work within. That there’s reasonable reasons to hit the brakes every now and again and that there’s lines you just shouldn’t cross. That there’s no way I can always drive at full speed and live free of restrictions enforced by the world around me. It’s impossible.
I know that when I tell myself ‘this is as far as I go’ I SHOULD actually attempt to make that a truth. That when I tell myself ‘no more’ that doesn’t mean ‘just a little extra can’t hurt’ or ‘it’s too much but I’ll survive’. And yet I always find myself pushing the pedal to the metal in spite of turning on that speed limiter.
I’m a burn-out guarantee in those terms, or so they tell me. The fact that I’m willing to continuously go above and beyond my speed limit, in fear of being overtaken by elderly women in a Suzuki Swift (or more capable, experienced or ambitious career tigers) is NOT the way that the car was designed, nor the way I’m built to survive.
I’m a heartbreak guarantee in those terms, so life’s taught me. The fact that I’m able to be talked into things my brakes scream for me to brake at for the sake of love, or to endure speeds that I’m wholly uncomfortable with – is NOT what that speed limit is for, not is my heart meant to suffer it.
I’m an addiction guarantee in those terms. Because even when I set limits and then effortlessly shove them aside when I feel like it means that ‘stopping at that last drink’ or ‘not ordering that extra fatty, cheese loaded pizza’ or ‘I can keep gaming for an hour, I don’t need the sleep’ is GOING to break me up someday. Sooner, rather than later. If I don’t crash the car into a wall first, that is. Obviously.
Safe to say:
After giving myself a stern talking to I just drove the entire way back from work…without switching off that speed limiter. At least that I CAN change. Now for the rest of it….