The Need for Speed

In todays episode of ‘connecting completely separate things in totally unlogical ways’:
The speed limiter on my car and it’s relevance in personal development!
You guys ready for this? It’s gon be farfetched and awesome. I pwomise. You know me by now!

So. This morning I’m in my car right. Places to be, people to see, the works. It’s early, I’m on the highway and I’m a responsible adult so I’ve put my speed limiter up to 105 km/h (since it’s a 100km/h speed limit).

I don’t use cruise control, obviously, I like to be in control of my pedals instead of letting that car think for me too much, but the limiter I do use when I try to avoid getting more tickets (I have this rebellious nature that makes sure I cannot be restricted by something as petty as a speed limit. I drive my speed, tyvm). The road I’m on is often inhabited by mean cops trying to punish you for just wanting to get where you going. Even if that’s a little faster than appreciated. So fine. I use the limiter.

Thing is:
I might even be too stubborn for this speed limiter that’s just doing it’s job. It prevents you from driving faster than the speed you’ve set, regardless of how much you press down on the gas pedal.

It’s infuriating, really.

And I WILL hold that pedal down, even if it doesn’t make me go any faster. Especially if there’s an old lady in a Suzuki Swift overtaking me just because I’m keeping to a government imposed limit instead of driving to my max potential. UNFAIR.
Self-induced roadrage. Selecting a limit for yourself and then getting frustrated for not being able to drive your car over it. I’m such a weirdo sometimes.
Especially since I found out that flooring it and then double tapping overrule that limiter. Guess how often I drive the limit now?

Indicative of my life, really. Because that’s how I am with personal limits and boundaries as well. Great in setting them, awesome at determining them, good at recognizing them and then….totally incapable of upholding them. It’s a total defect in my human capacities. Horrible, really.

Because I KNOW that there’s a limit to what I’m capable of. And that there’s boundaries that I should set for myself to work within. That there’s reasonable reasons to hit the brakes every now and again and that there’s lines you just shouldn’t cross. That there’s no way I can always drive at full speed and live free of restrictions enforced by the world around me. It’s impossible.

I know that when I tell myself ‘this is as far as I go’ I SHOULD actually attempt to make that a truth. That when I tell myself ‘no more’ that doesn’t mean ‘just a little extra can’t hurt’ or ‘it’s too much but I’ll survive’. And yet I always find myself pushing the pedal to the metal in spite of turning on that speed limiter.

I’m a burn-out guarantee in those terms, or so they tell me. The fact that I’m willing to continuously go above and beyond my speed limit, in fear of being overtaken by elderly women in a Suzuki Swift (or more capable, experienced or ambitious career tigers) is NOT the way that the car was designed, nor the way I’m built to survive.

I’m a heartbreak guarantee in those terms, so life’s taught me. The fact that I’m able to be talked into things my brakes scream for me to brake at for the sake of love, or to endure speeds that I’m wholly uncomfortable with – is NOT what that speed limit is for, not is my heart meant to suffer it.

I’m an addiction guarantee in those terms. Because even when I set limits and then effortlessly shove them aside when I feel like it means that ‘stopping at that last drink’ or ‘not ordering that extra fatty, cheese loaded pizza’ or ‘I can keep gaming for an hour, I don’t need the sleep’ is GOING to break me up someday. Sooner, rather than later. If I don’t crash the car into a wall first, that is. Obviously.

Safe to say:
After giving myself a stern talking to I just drove the entire way back from work…without switching off that speed limiter. At least that I CAN change. Now for the rest of it….

29 thoughts on “The Need for Speed

  1. A speed limiter…something new I’ve learned today since in the U.S. we call it “cruise control.” I use it all the time when on the highway because I have a lead foot and can’t afford speeding tickets. My one speed/law, unsafe defying act came years ago when I drove a Harley and dragged with a friend down a city street and fairly high speed. It was an exhilarating feeling and I beat him, but never did it again because, you know, trying to stay alive…

    Setting limits for yourself is a good thing, but it’s okay once in awhile to go outside the boundaries as long as you don’t hurt yourself or need bail money.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Noooo there’s a difference actually!
      My car both has a limiter AND cruise control. The cruise control keeps you at the same constant speed regardless of what you do. The speed limiter ONLY cares about your max speed. You need to gas up until the limit and are free to brake and control up until that point xD

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know exactly what you mean around limits and adhering to them. I’m like you in the fact that I know I should stop or brake or whatever and don’t. Fully aware of the consequences and choosing to ignore them too. It’s almost like an addiction to the wrong thing.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I sometimes throw myself into new projects or new people with too much enthusiasm and energy and lose balance. Ben is good at balancing me and tempering me, so I don’t burn up or come across to intense. But he cannot be there all the time! Taking a step back, slowing down, reigning in my passion is something I have to work on because not everyone knows what to make of that level of gusto.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It does sound VERY gusto-y. I always appreciate that kind of enthusiasm in people. I suppose it’s because I can throw myself in just the same, but I’ve never really felt the need to curb that….yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So relatable!! Even small things like making sure to turn in for the night on time- I keep pushing it with ‘just one more epsiode of that totally mindless show that adds no value to my life’! 🤦

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Hehe… i Dance A Tight
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  5. I understand the struggle of being able to stick to limits. For me, I struggle with sticking to plans or things that I’ve carefuly laid out for me to stick to, and I always tell myself that I will, but it’s still hard to do.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hardly, LOL. Shame how trashy they made the Dukes out in that movie also. That’s another rant though. 😛

        In any case, the point of Daisy Dukes isn’t for you to pull them off, it’s for somebody else to pull them off of you. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  6. This is so relatable, I just set a boundary for myself on Sunday, it’s Tuesday and I’m ready to break it lol. Is this post a sign I shouldn’t try to break it? I’m going to say yes😄! This was wonderful Zoe, thanks for sharing 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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