Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?

En wat zoek jij op Tinder, dan?
Translation:So, what are you looking for on Tinder?

It is THE most seen line (by me, anyway) on Tinder that tends to come up in pretty much ANY conversation I have on there (there’s quite some data available). And it vexes me to no end. Seriously. This poor sentence, strung together as it is, enrages me so much that my brain is only willing to formulate THE most irrelevant, snide, cynical or stupid replies to (what I feel is) the most obvious question ever:

  • Wait. This is Tinder? I thought I was on the dark web, looking for a new slave!
    That ended in an immediate unmatch, guess it was the wrong answer.
  • Boreddom, just checking out what’s on the market’
    This somehow always leads to a pouty ‘oh, so you don’t actually wanna hook up or meet someone then?!’ as if I’m committing a heinous crime, abusing Tinder for my own malicious purposes.
  • ‘I’m looking for the best spot to purchase a new goldfish. Mine just escaped.’
    Never actually used it, but still want to.
  • ‘I’m hustling boys and selling raffle tickets for my softball-club’
    Actually used, AND successfully so!
  • ‘I have a serious sports injury and my physiotherapist suggested I practice the swipe-right motion for recovery-purposes. This seemed like a good place to get some practice’
    Only got a ‘haha’, followed by a quick diversion to whether we should swap numbers so we could also swap pics of our genitals (you can assume correctly that I did not go for this ‘tempting’ offer)
  • I just ordered some IKEA furniture and I need someone to come build it for me’
    Also actually used, and successfully so. Hell. That particular dude even stuck around for three months or so after.

Anyway, you catch my drift, right?
The question. Is. Lame.

Because when you’re on Tinder – you know why you’re on Tinder. They know why you’re on Tinder. Everyone you mention to that you’re on Tinder knows why you’re on Tinder. So honestly, WHAT answer ARE you expecting?
I guess it’s an easy conversation maker. And I suppose the generic answers would either hint towards being on Tinder for ‘fun’ or for ‘more’ (which is an important distinction to make if you’re a fuckboy trying to get laid, I suppose). But maaaaaan – can you uncover this crucial information a bit less auspiciously and generic?

These days, seeing as I’m in picky-as-fuck-and-not-really-interested mode anyway – I imagine myself sitting on the couch next to a big ole lever. With Tinder potentials popping up on the table in front of me, spinning in circles slowly so as to be assessed from all angles. Blurting out their boring lines and silly questions.

And when they opt for the ‘So, what are you looking for on Tinder?’ I PULL on that lever. A hatch opens. They disappear into the dark despairing depths of ‘the well of Tinder Fuckboys’ and all I hear is their elongated cry on the way down:
‘Buuuuuuttttttt IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnteeeeeeeeeeddddddddd annnnnnn eaaaaaaaasyyyyyyyyyyy scoooooooooooooooreeeeeeeee, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!’.

Extremely satisfying fantasy, to be frank. And a lot more imaginative than the general Tinder populace, sadly.

Up for some more Tinder Tales?
Keep it going!
Tinder Tales – Picture Perfect
Tinder Tales – Virtually Unique
Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?

52 thoughts on “Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?

      1. It does suck! Like you say too, it’s populated by thirsty fuckboys. Not that I’m being sexist. When I was in there, I encountered a number of women who were only interested in similar things. I’ve never been a “one and done” kinda guy so Tinder never really worked for me.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. As you pointed out yourself, people ask that tedious question because there may be a variety of reasons why someone’s using it. Some are just after sex, some are looking for a relationship and some are just looking for the ego boost of being “liked”. And seeing as the majority of female participants who do match don’t bother to communicate, I don’t think it’s fair to expect men to come up with something zingy every time. It’s a horrifically demeaning and jading experience and I’m glad I’m out of it.
    Maybe if you specified on your tinder profile what you are looking for they wouldn’t have to ask.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Why isn’t it fair?
      I come up with zingy new fun replies for everyone that I communicate with as well, so I have no qualms holding them to that same standard 😆
      Just because the rest of the girls on Tinder are just as lame as most of the men are, doesn’t mean I should bother with the generic treatments applied to me as well xD

      You get what you give, I suppose 🤷‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, from my point of view, when I was using Tinder about 90% of matches would not reply to whatever my opener was, zingy or otherwise. It’s very frustrating. Why would you match if you have no intention of talking?
        After a while you realise that you’re wasting your time trying to be witty and engaging with shit people. And let’s face it, most people on these apps are shit people. Most people everywhere are shit people.
        So eventually, you’re so jaded and utterly despairing of what the human race has descended to, you start off with something generic just to see if there is a person with a functioning brain cell and a modicum of human decency at the other end. If the first exchange is just ‘hi’/’hi, how are you?’/’hi, what are you looking for here?’, well, at least we’ve established contact and we can start finding out if we might like each other.
        Another thing I noticed on my many brief forays into the Tinder world was that most people don’t put any information on their profile. So you don’t know what they’re after, and why waste an evening chatting with someone who’s not looking for the same thing as you?
        Maybe you do come up with zingy new replies every time, Zoe, but those are for those you choose to reply to. Do you reply to everyone you match with?

        Like

      2. I reply to everyone I match with and that takes the trouble to send me a message, yes. Similarly though – the silence from ‘their’ side is often just as deafening in starting (or continuing) conversations.

        However, once I feel like I should lower my standards in lieu of facilitating less dissatisfaction I rather quit using the apps altogether instead of conforming to the drab. Until then – I complain about the people who do 😆🤪

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m glad you do reply. You’re one of the non-shit people.
        An awful lot of people simply don’t have anything worthwhile to say or don’t know how to hold a conversation. I found the whole experience depressing. I would generally last a few weeks at most at a time before deleting.
        I don’t know what a ‘fuckboi’ is but I’m concerned that I may have been tarred with that brush because my opening line might not have been that exciting. It doesn’t sound like something I’d want to be.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Loooooooooove it, laughed loudly out loud, so sad but so true.

    I’ve stopped using it and I get daily notifications from Tinder asking if my thumbs are sore or if I’m lonely? Tinder app is acting like a needy fuckboy because you know the minute I go back I’m gonna get more of the same crappy treatment 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Some of your answers were brilliant — and similar to the sort of thing I can come out with (not on Tinder, though).

    If someone asks a stupid question, they should expect a stupid answer 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh God i’m so Glad
    i didn’t Left or Right
    Swipe my Wife in
    The Want Ads
    (Shelf Life
    Lasts much
    Longer)
    And it’s so
    True Dude’s
    Swiping For
    Naked Pics
    And Women
    Believing
    Love is
    In the Want Ads…
    If You Don’t Have
    What it Takes to
    Do it in Person
    You usually Don’t…

    Better to ‘Smell’

    A Person First…

    And God i’ve Heard
    The Horror Stories

    Suitable For Halloween2 🎃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well as a matter of happenstance I do have some (fishy) pet stories in that category. However – they would make for much more morbid tales than I think would be good for increasing my dating potential…
      But if you feel this would make for interesting reading I might oblige xD

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh you’re Dutch? This was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! 🤣.

    “Extremely satisfying fantasy, to be frank.”

    It really was 🤣🤣.

    “I thought I was on the dark web, looking for a new slave.”

    Oh my god you’re too high-brow for Tinder loool. I totally agree, though— any clichéd statement/question is just an insult in any context 😅.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lolol! I’m totally using ‘I just ordered some IKEA furniture and I need someone to come build it for me’! 😛

    The funniest response that I have received from a guy to this question was – ” My girlfriend and I are bored and would love some company to entertain ourselves!” 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a place without honour, out there where the bunniwunniless people wander.

        The question now is: do I have the bunny back, and am prepared to use it? Nobody said dating could involve such unspeakable things. 🐰🐰🐰🐇🐇

        I’m much better just wandering round shores and tides. Maybe it’s simpler with mermaids, so long as they don’t get too skinny near an air filter.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I wouldn’t agree that the answer us obvious. I have plenty experience just talking to people out there. And my friends about why they use tinder. Primarily it was made for dating. But because so many people use it, you can use it just to met some locals while you travel, to show you around and so.
    So the answers may vary.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Some might, some not. My friends, who are in happy relationships were seeking just what I’ve mentioned and even if the chance was given, they didn’t go for it.
        But I know I might be talking about the exceptions. Without any bigger research and statistics, we can’t really say, right? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Hahaaa I really liked the sports injury one. Too great. I hate dating websites…and I avoided Tinder back when I was doing that whole thing. It has a bad reputation or something. But they are all bullshit.

    Liked by 1 person

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