Oh dear – It’s baby season

“Congratulations auntie!” read one of the text messages I got yesterday. And awkwardness ensued.
I think my initial witty reply of of ‘Gee, thanks aunt, for congratulating me with the birth of a niece to a brother I haven’t seen or spoken to in well over ten years and who I will most probably never ever get to know. I’m ecstatic!’ would not have gone over well. So I just sent a non-committal reply and left it at that. Same for the picture I later got from my grandma and several other notifications. Huzzah. I’m an aunt. Again. I guess. Yay.

And then I opened my Facebook page, only to find my timeline full with proof of what I’ve always been a firm believer in: wave theory.

Because life – it comes in waves.

You will surely have noticed it. That time in high school when everyone’s interests suddenly switched from flippos, Pokémon and marbles in the playground to boyfriends and girlfriends. When everyone around you suddenly seemed to have ‘a relationship’. Or when you just got out of college and your mailbox filled up with ‘new home’ cards. Or wedding invitations, and later on (or simultaneously, or mixed) with the over-the-top pastel-happy baby-cards. You know, all of those constant reminders that you’re apparently doing something wrong at this point in your life, since you’re not engaging in the events that would merit sending these cards for yourself.

And while we’re up to our necks in wave two of COVID-19, I also now find myself in wave two of the baby season in my life. Because now, after my own age-appropriate-acquaintances, all of the(ir) younger siblings start popping out babies left and right. And the younger friends made to replace the ones who became home-bound parents now also start to commit to baby-drama. (Can I possibly go any younger with new friends?!). Plus there’s the we-started-just-out-of-college families who’re now starting up on round two for babies. Everywhere I look. Babies. Babies. Babies.

My estranged brother, the lovely high school couple that always remained friends, the trainer from my old softball team, the aunt of the new lover of that old high school friend (the things you get on your timeline, jeez!) and the list goes on and on. Which, in truth, is totally lovely for them. Truly. I hope the (Stepford Wives-esquely brought) ‘but you get so much in return’ sentence holds true for each and every one of them.

For me, however, that just means another round of questions. Looks of pity or confusion. Words of judgment and rejection. Because OH NO…I don’t want a little poop machine for myself. GASP!
Even in 2020, even with all the advancements and freedoms and progression we’ve made (and are making) on all of these hot topics – not wanting kids as a female in a fertile period is still frowned upon. Which is fine, I suppose. Frown all you want. But it never stays at just frowning – because asking for the ‘why’ of something THAT (I’d say) personal is perfectly acceptable. As it turns out. Because that is an opinion and choice that must be defended, instead of accepted.

‘Huh? You don’t want kids? Why is that?’

Wait. Let me get my list. (That’s what I usually reply. Because my list contains every reason in the book to NOT have kids). It’s long. Filled to the brim. And (as I’ve been told) mostly selfish. Oh, boohoo.
Plus, I’ve been assured many a time, ‘my clock is going to start ticking soon enough!’. Because god forbid I’d know my own mind, and body and wishes, right? Biology is going to take over and put me right sooner or later. Pfew. Comforting knowledge!

But until they construct a Build-A-Baby module that guarantees you a healthy, genetically sound and uncompromised lovely baby… one that doesn’t cost a fortune to raise and that doesn’t destruct your social life, home decoration and body – I’m out. As long as there’s no contracts guaranteeing that these monsters will love you as much as advertised, grow up into outstanding citizens and never turn out as evil masterminds, I want no part of it. And since you still pretty much DO need a hubby to procure one of them, I’d say I’m gon’ be good for a good old while. Because guess what: not wanting a baby is (who woulda thunk) one of the MAIN reasons for unmatching these days. All the boys in my dating pool wanna be daddies. And not the sugary kind.

So while everyone around me is catching the wave and learning how to surf…Dya know where I’ll be? On the beach. With a cocktail in each hand. Lounging in the sun and laughing my ass off at the families around me toting WAY TOO MANY bags and sniffling toddlers, and the starter-upper hipster surfers faceplanting on the wet sand. Because I get to make that choice. Always.

46 thoughts on “Oh dear – It’s baby season

      1. If you think people are judgmental when you don’t have kids, trust me they are a gazillion times more when you do have them! Because they automatically assume they know what’s best for your children…so add that to your list 😅

        Liked by 2 people

  1. It’s an opinion and choice that shouldn’t be defended (or ‘partially’ ‘explained’ like you still do in this blog): (it should be) ACCEPTED!

    It’s that easy.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a shame when people cannot see or look past their own ideas of how people’s lives should play out, or expect everyone to want what they want. If we were all carbon copies of each other, the world would be a very boring place!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Everytime I tell people that I don’t want to have children – I am shushed and given a lecture on how MY life is meaningless till I have children. 🤦

    I’m really excited for people having babies because they really want to have babies but I’d really appreciate them being happy for me for not having babies because I don’t want to. Period.

    All your posts are so relatable! And you write really well – I love reading your posts they’re so funny and fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Live your own life – as long as your happy 😀 I have two daughters in Uni now, but to be honest, I don’t think I would like to bring kids into the world now, there’s way too many humans here already, and we’re not exactly looking after the place 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Perfect video. I have survived the wedding phase, baby boom and divorce sadness. Friendships evolve during the 20’ and 30’s, but the true friendships remain. My friends and are not who we were 25 years ago, but we are stronger than ever and enjoy our Friday night wine tastings. Something they could not do as newly weds or with young children.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SeRiouSLY IT’s No Joke We Hoard Dead ReFuSinG
    Sacred Circle Now of
    Life Feeding Rest of
    NaTuRE NoW GoD’S
    REAL Face More
    Than Dead Idol
    Constructed
    Symbols
    (Words)
    FaiLinG
    Respect
    Breathing
    All Beyond
    Rainbow Colors
    Of Blood Who That
    Is No Color But Love
    CoNSiDeRinG HoW
    Many ‘Folks’
    Are Fleeing
    Trump Bates
    Hotel Out of
    DarK NoW iN
    Broad Band Day Lit
    Why Not Come in
    With A Big Bang
    And Go Out NoW
    Alone All the SaMe
    After All Is Said And
    DonE As Roger PenRose
    NoW SHowS UNiVeRSE
    BeFoRE UNiVeRSE
    CoMeS AGAiNeW
    If We Don’t
    LiVE iN
    Balance
    Nature
    The Face
    Of God Just
    Replaces Us
    New And Improved
    Or Enough As is like
    A Roach And Dragonfly
    Perfecting Balance
    Of Life 300
    Million or
    So Years
    So Yeah
    Life is Good
    Enjoy that
    Cocktail
    On The
    Beach
    i Remain A
    🌊 👋 Wave🌈
    For i Am
    GoLD
    Before
    And
    After
    RainBowS NoW

    i

    Am Rain ☔️

    For No OTHeR

    ReaSoN THaN RhYme

    OuT

    oF

    TiMe NoW ⏰

    Like

  6. Thank you Zoe for speaking so honestly about a subject that is no ones business but yours, not that anyone will let you believe that! I also don’t want kids and for the same “selfish” reasons as you. I feel like having kids would rid me of the joys in my life, and it’s nice having those!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can relate so much to what you just said. A good friend of mine just had a baby and she was saying to me that she can’t wait until I get married and have kids. Even though she has never heard me explicitly say whether or not I want to do that! Now, she’s falling apart emotionally with her new baby. Maybe it’s PPD. Can’t tell exactly. But, she’s been disrespecting our friendship and I had to lay down the law to her that she hurt me. Basic respect is not too much to ask for! Also, I told her she has issues and she’d better sort them out or I won’t give her the time of day

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love the wave theory. I think it’s partially that we see things when our brain is primed to see it, and partly the social media psychology of FOMO, and partly weird cultural norms doing that wavy cultural norm jig. But I digress.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Not wanting kids is the most unselfish thing you can do. I don’t understand people’s problem with it. You don’t want another little consumption monster in the world – it’s basically the best thing you can do for climate change. (Funny how you never see any ‘don’t have kids’ posters at those climate protests)

    All the best, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Zoe, it actually takes guts to say it out loud: “I don’t want kids!” Whatever your reasons are for choosing not to give birth, they will be held up for inspection and ultimately judgment. But that is okay too. “To thine own self be true.” And understanding who you are is more important in the equation of populating a planet that is already full of children that are not wanted, neglected, and abused. I absolutely adore children, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled when they go home to their parents. I’ve never regretted not having children, it was a choice I made when I was in my late twenties, with my husband, and still stand by my choice with an enormous grin on face. I am happy being me.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s baby season in my circle since 2000. I wished I had the wisdom you have to guide me through the years rather than trying to play catch up. In Singapore, the government is giving cash bonus for people who pop babies from Oct 20 to Sep 21. R I D I C U L O U S.

    Liked by 1 person

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