I love watching and commenting on things. Snippy, witty (or snide) remarks followed by random factoids or weird additions. Silly observations or judgments clad in (dark) humor and wrapped in ‘oh but I’m a girl so that obviously wasn’t meant TOO mean‘.
Whether it’s a sportsgame or people passing by while perched on a safe vantage point at some bar or restaurant. Whether it’s a series on tv or fellow beachgoers on vacation. I observe, judge and comment. It’s the greatest of pass-times. (And one of my nastiest qualities-turned-vices, some might argue).
Especially when there’s an audience. Not just because talking to yourself seems pretty weird even in these Coronapocalyptic times – but because jokes are only that if there’s someone laughing at them. Until that point…they’re just remarks, falling flat.
And there’s nothing that I love more than a ‘secret‘ audience. When you’re at a game and see someone else pick up your conversation and tune in. When they move ever so slightly to catch more of your words and turn their head to offer you their ear. When you grab their attention even though they’re pretending to focus elsewhere.
I’ve always been hyper sensitive to people in my close proximity and their physical responses on my presence. I always know when they know I’m there (and though I can’t pick up a genuine act of flirting for the life of me in a conversation – I can judge physical interest from a body a mile away). And love to see how far I can take that ‘connection‘.
I swear there’s a performer inside of me somewhere that literally rejoices at those moments. YAY I’m being heard! And then ups the ante.
I’ll subconsciously start talking a little louder (which my friends in high school never failed to let me know – especially when that happened in the vicinity of my highschool crush…AWKWARD). Add some extra ‘funny’ or depth or harshness to my statements. Increase my gestures. You catch my drift.
I work for that hidden response in those who are pretending not to be taking part in my oration. That slight twitch in the shoulders when they try to keep down that snorted exhale. That glimmer of a smirk, on the corner of a lip, perfectly timed with the clou of a joke. That surprised swish around of the head when you say something particularly raunchy and they just HAVE to turn around and see who’s talking. That ‘hey this is awkward because I’ve been listening for ten minutes but I just HAVE to reply to what you just said’ pained comment. I friggin love luring them in.
It’s an addiction.
I’m a sucker for an audience.