Best Value Man Hunting

Earlier this year I switched jobs from software testing (and project coordination) at one of my companies clients to an entirely new field (bidmanagement) within the company itself. I went from being an external asset to swinging it as an internal manager. Quite the chance AND quite the change, let me tell you.

Now – I’m not going to bore you any further with the details of my career. What I AM going to (well hopefully not actually) bore you with is one of the courses I’ve been taking to boost my skills. A course on Best Value Procurement. Or, as I’ve been calling it (because of examples used) – Mount Everesting training.

Best Value Procurement

Don’t panic. I’m not going to try and teach you the wisdom that is put on the table in this course so that you can try and apply it in a totally unrelated job (that would be silly). Instead – I’m going to tell you how I’m finding that the things I’m learning FOR WORK – sound like they would be awesome to apply to (can you guess already) my personal life! DUNDUNDUN (wait. Is that even sillier?)!

So. Best Value Procurement. Aka – how does one get the best service (provider) for their money when they’re trying to select someone to come do a job for them. Because – as it turns out – that’s not as straightforward as just selecting the person who will come do it cheapest.

Example time!

Say you’re climbing Mount Everest and you’re looking for a Sherpa (that’s not a type of goat, I Googled it) to guide you up there. Because you ACTUALLY wanna get up that mountain, without ever having climbed one before.  Now. You can take several approaches to get up that mountain:

Scenario 1:
You gather up a group of sherpas – tell them exactly what you’re going to be doing (because you Googled ‘climbing mount everest’), how you want it done, what materials they’ll be using (because you found this webshop that totally told you the best things to get) and what the timelines that they’re supposed to be doing it in are (because you read that one book by the dude who already dun it). Then you have them tell you their price for doing exactly that and select the cheapest one that says they can do the deed.

Think you’re going to get the best sherpa that way?
Hint: Nope!
Yet, strangely, it IS how most companies approach procurement (and thus, how they get crappy cheap labor but lame results).

Scenario 2:
You gather the same group of sherpas and let THEM tell YOU how they would climb that mountain. Let them explain to you their process. Their techniques. The materials they can bring to the table and what they’d be expecting from you, plus whether they can do it within the budget you set for yourself. Sit down with each and every one of them and gawk at their expertise. Then you pick the most experienced sherpa that can do it within your budget while bringing the most knowledge, materials and assets to the table. Even if there’s cheaper options out there. Because you’ll have the best one and maybe a chance of actually making it up and down that mountain alive. Huzzah!

Can you see where I’m going with this?
I bet you can – because I do this thing in pretty much everything I write!

BECAUSE
BECAAAAAAUSE:

We do the same fucking thing when selecting our partners in the dating game, do we not?
(At least, I do, because I’m an organizational terror like that, but I’m gonna keep saying ‘we’ anyway)
We come bearing checklists, and must-haves and preferred qualities and just check-check-check our matches away on whatever mystical points we feel a relationship should contain. Only to end up with a great big pool of men who might sort of fit the bill (more or less), and selecting the one that looks best on paper. Without even knowing if our list works. Or holds true. Or contains everything we need it to contain. It’s completely bonkers, when you think of it.

We objectify the other side. Reduce them to a pros and cons calculation without any solid basis for judgment. Add up the numbers and see which one comes up with the best score for the least effort. And then go for that one.

While we COULD be approaching this from that entirely different angle. From the BVP strategy side of things. Let that potential love interest show us their worth, explore the options they bring to the table. Find out what they have to offer that you might never have considered before and allow yourself to be surprised. Operate on evidence, instead of planning. Even if they might not be up to your original listy standards on all fronts.

But that’s scary, innit. When you start something that might potentially not fit AT ALL in hopes of finding that perfect fit that you never knew existed.

Still. I’m going to venture bravely into this, because (lets face it) the previous (scenario 1) approach hasn’t really yielded the wanted results. So it’s gonna be a change in swiping behavior. Match not just the pretty boys who tweak a string on aesthetics, but also the ones who instantly make me think ‘I could have a good conversation with that dude’. Change it up a little. Try it with scenario 2.  I could throw in the over-used, super-cliché and management-milked quote regarding only idiots doing the same thing and expecting different outcomes. But I ain’t like that. Although, I guess, I still did.



32 thoughts on “Best Value Man Hunting

  1. Your approach seems to make sense. Here are some things I know about dating / mate selection. Feel free to use whatever seems useful and discard the rest (just like men! Haha!)

    1) men and women tend to have very different selection criteria for mates. Women are far more selective, for good evolutionary reasons.
    2) Men vote on each other’s competence, placing each other in a hierarchy (unconsciously). Women select from this hierarchy, usually as near to the top as they can. I wonder how this mechanism works in the absence of a social context. How does a woman judge a man’s status accurately in the absence of his male peers? I guess it’s helpful for the woman to see the man interacting with his friends, to get some idea.
    3) women tend to go for different kinds of men, depending on where they are in their monthly cycle. This seems to match up with a man’s testosterone levels, which tend to stay fairly constant for each individual. There are physical cues to this, e.g. more muscular, stronger jawline = correlated with higher testosterone.
    4) but that doesn’t rule out low T men. Higher T men may not stick around after mating. Lower T men may be better in terms of being caring and sticking around to raise children.
    5) so it depends on what you’re looking for… Pretty men for casual hookups, or caring men for longer-term relationships.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I know I don’t know you well, and we’ll probably never meet in person, but I get the distinct impression you under-estimate yourself. I used to be the same, in fact I’d say that being too hard on myself (not like that!) has historically been my single biggest problem.

        Also, if Pewdiepie is reading this: Look Pewdz, I know I’m a big old simp, but I have no agenda here, I’m just being honest.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Spot On, Rock: “I get the distinct impression you under-estimate yourself”
        Told her so! At least I am no longer ‘the only one’ 😉

        Like

  2. From the heart, at least mine: (checklists and the like) … “It’s completely bonkers, when you think of it.”

    It made me ‘wonder’ / ‘ponder’ about … my own ‘proces’ (of choosing friends, partners or even ‘escaping’ fiends) … And after letting that sink-in my conclusion is: it’s all comes down to gut-feeling, I guess. Intuition. Energy.

    So sometimes I run into gems and ‘surprises’: people who I would probably not have given a second glance when measuring them up against a ‘ruler’ of some kind, or a checklist or whatever And many times I’ve been glad I didn’t.

    It makes me wonder if I even think I could manage to come to a list that I could be confident of, because I actually came to realise that I don’t even ‘know’ my criteria (of course I hold some (impliciet) criteria for ‘thruths’ but I know and accept that I have deviated from those most of the time, only to find and hold new insights to who I am and what I actully appreciate in people). Let’s say that I’ve come to the point that I accept that I have broad preferences 😊.

    And as a result: I’ve given myself a chance to meet and befriend some of the dearest persons in my life!
    People like YOU, Zoe!

    I wish you all the best in exploring the possibilities and challenges of Scenario 2.
    Hope you will succeed in finding your Thingamabob (whatever it / he may ‘look’ like!😉)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sherpa goat – an alien, three- headed goat, stays in high places for easy access to the goat mothership. Releases a pheromone that shields it from Internet search engines.

    Sorry, slow day… gone from feeling inspired and firing off scribblings in all directions to a big pause (to quote that bear walks into a bar joke) … then saw this post with diagrams and everything, and figured the possibility of sherpa goats was worth a shot. Pausing again now.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. HAha the Day
    i stopped
    Thinking
    is the Day
    i Started Breathing
    All i Did is Dance Free
    Like a Naked Bird on
    A Wing at First Folks
    Said i was Nuts just
    For Dancing Free
    Everywhere i
    Go Now For 13,753
    Miles in 85 Months… Yes
    i still Do the Accounting
    Once Named A Computer
    Brain At Work, Most
    Valuable
    Commodity
    But not quite
    Passing the Turing
    Test For Human
    It didn’t take
    But A Couple
    Of Thousand
    Miles until my
    New Name became
    Legend by Cars Passing
    By and Youth still in
    Touch With
    Their
    Naked
    Wings yeah
    Yeah Being
    Financially Independence
    Helps But Freedom is
    The
    Color
    Of Naked
    Wings Without
    Even A Word attached
    OnlY in my View
    Of Course
    Flying
    Over
    Trump Palaces
    In Stink Stank Stunk
    Where i Lived
    Before
    In
    Faux
    Green
    Paper Wings🤑🤮😜

    Like

  5. Wow, you make dating sound complicated. Sure it’s different to the 80’s and 90’s, but it seems to me that people now over think the dating game.

    Life is too short for complications especially with dating – if you want it all, then go after it all.

    Like

    1. People now overthink anything and everything 😉
      All this technology improving our lives and making everything quicker and more efficient just gives us more time to think about things that may be…and should be…simple 😆🤭

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah – but everyone keeps telling me that when you stumble on the real life right version – it goes right back to being simple 1+1 math.

        I guess I’ll just be overthinking till then 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh right, so you havenow or have you now reached the age where you now want to settle down with someone as opposed to living as a singleton?

        By the way – are you experiencing any problems with your WordPress currently?

        Like

      3. I don’t think I’ve ever been at an age where I’d not been willing to settle down 😆

        I enjoy being single while it lasts – but it is never more than an unwanted state of being in between. Until there’s no more inbetween but just…us 🤷‍♀️.

        Not an age thing at all.

        And no, no problems that I’ve noticed (yet)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well l think, that is a very healthy outlook Zoewiezoe or is it just Zoe? But no, that’s healthy and open and honest.

        But l think sadly the biggest problem and whilst men complain about it being just them, it’s women also because the issue affects both men and women alike and that is expectations of what things should be like as opposed to what the reality is like.

        Your course has taught you an element of that, but not all – but of course with an US – there is at times more complication and expectation that there is with just a ME and the secret is to balance the US and the ME into a compromised WE.

        Life has changed enormously since l was in my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and now in my 50’s and closer to my 60’s than l was yesterday – what scares me the most is that life between men and women hasn’t really changed that much, but societal pressures of expectations have and of course all the elements of society now make finding people very hard.

        Covid of course has made that a little more difficult but in many made it easier – now, in order to meet people – life must be taken slower and with more caution.

        “I don’t think I’ve ever been at an age where I’d not been willing to settle down” But that quote of yours should become your new credo of approach – be open to everything, new experiences, new people, opposites the lot 🙂

        Like

  6. I reckon it’s always worth going for the full adventure whatever that adventure turns out to be.
    But then, I say that when falling over my own feet while running with a flame thrower and a shapened pencil.

    Like

  7. Very good. Thank you. As someone who climbed Mont-Blanc with a bunch of friends I can relate to that. We hired the best guides (sherpas) in Chamonix, had them train us, and follow every instructions they gave us. When a snow storm hit us a few hundred yards from the top, and the guides told us to go down, we couldn’t believe it. Started to negotiate, and they said “Down! That’s what you pay us for”. 8 hours of martyrdom later we were back down in the valley. No-one died.
    🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not that time. Nor I, I then went abroad, but my Brit buddies did make it to the top 2 years later. If you’re interested in the full story, I can send you the link. (I never post a link on someone’s blog without permission) 😉
        Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

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