It is often said (to me, at least) that intelligence is a (core-)quality.
That having a brain is attractive. That knowing things about certain things and having stuff to say about stuff is a good selling point. That IQ lasts a lot longer than a pretty face and that making smart choices will win out over making the fun ones.
Want to hear my unpopular opinion?
Not when you’re a single woman in her thirties, at least.
Or growing up.
Not in my experience.
The hierarchy of compliments is very simple, in my experience:
It starts at aesthetics-based compliments (You’re pretty!).
Which, if they don’t apply to the person in question move down to qualities (You’re so funny!).
And if people are neither very beautiful not very capable…only then comes the brain.
‘You’re so smart’. Looks – merits – intelligence. It’s a simple slope down attraction lane.
I need more hands and feet to be able to count the times I’ve had comments of a negative nature made on what’s going on up in that head of mine. Starting from a young age where ‘it’s a shame you don’t look a bit more like your sister. She’s so pretty. Too bad you ‘only’ got the brains.’ was a run of the mill party conversation at family gettogethers. Moving up into school it was ‘don’t be such a show-off.’ Followed by high schools ‘she’s such a nerd! Who would ever wanna date that?’.
(No worries, I’m just ranting here, there was a whole lotta more good things to outweigh these fits of unpleasantness. I had fun in school, with great (equally smart) friends regardless of those. It didn’t weigh me down nuttin’.)
These days it takes the shape in Tinder potentials unmatching me right quick, or real life guys poofing like ghosts. Usually after the conversation of what schools we attended or that education panning out into an (apparent) uncloseable rift between the army of builder, carpenter, plumber and the like and me as a masters student holding down a good job in IT. Their words. Not mine. I like men who can work with their hands. Practical knowledge is going to last a lot longer in a Zombie apocalypse than book smarts.
Now. There IS (obviously) the chance that my beaming personality doesn’t come across in writing text messages to potential suitors. Or that it’s my (lack of) bodily goodies that are the turn-off instead of my diploma’s. Or that I may be a horrid person all-round regardless of that silly 140 range IQ that keeps rolling out of tests (I seriously don’t get how they get that idea, maybe they’re as bad at maths as I am.).
And hell – there might be a plethora of other reasons why they always seem to unmatch me right around the time ‘the smarts’ are a topic of conversation. I dunno. But my head has made a causal link.
Intelligence is, in fact, a turn-off. To most men. I meet.
(although, I suppose I should be glad I even GET matches that DO talk. It could always be worse.)
‘You’re quite intimidating, you know?’
‘That sounds like a very responsible and complex job…I’m only a builder…’
‘Do you even have time to date with all that career work that you do?’
‘I don’t think I can keep up with you…’
But riddle me this.
If I’m supposedly so smart…
Why am I sitting here writing a blog, because I forgot my passwords to the work laptop in the one week (!!!!) vacation that I had?
Who’s the smart one now?!
Ps. I called it an unpopular opinion because I know a lot of people feel differently. But it’s not really an invite to try and change my mind about it. I don’t think you can. I gots the numbers on my side. Plus. There’s a charm to complaining just for the sake of complaining. I’m charmed. :X