Would you date yourself?

Hairdresser wait times. They are a particular timezone all their own, it seems. You’re warped into a bend of time where it starts to crawl so slowly that reading anything becomes acceptable just to make the clock run faster.ย  Even….. Cosmopolitan (or some shitty how-to-be-a-woman magazine of a similar category).

And as I sat there yesterday, I made the distinct mistake to pick one up and….-gasp-….open it up to read. The tantalizing title ‘Would you date yourself – a one question guide to true love‘ drew me in. And boy. Was my life changed (albeit not necessarily for the better).

The article posed that in order to become the perfect candidate for a healthy relationship one need do only one thing:
Ask yourself whether you would date you.

(fuck it, that’s just as unbelievable as those one ingredient banana pancakes I still managed to fuck up).

Answered no to said question?
Their solution was simple:
Fix what isn’t working for you on yourself – and you’ll be up and running in no time.

No shit – Sherlock!


Now – I’m all for the theories of self-love and ‘becoming your own person‘ before taking on another. So instead of flinging the trashy glossy to the wall – I gave it a serious go. Because honestly, what better things did I have to do while sitting there, anyway.

Would I date myself?

God no.

I delibered honestly on all of the red flags I usually consider when debating dateability – in the context of me.

And out came a humongous flag in the brightest of reds. Hells no, I friggin wouldn’t. In fact – I would run for the hills screaming with the particular hue of red I add up to.

In all honesty – I DO have a lot of dateable qualities, if you ask me (and I WAS asking me, after all). So after my initial snarky inner response of ‘I’m just not that into girls‘ย  I ran over my checklist anyway.

On the whole I feel like I’m a pretty complete person, with a full life and her shit in order. Totally dateable. Doing the professional work thing, not living with da parents or sticky roommates, own set of hobbies to avoid excessive clingyness and a drawer of lingerie ensuring that bodily cravings would be well attended. A solid full package, in most terms.

Plus, I scored myself arrogantly high on the merits I look for in others as well – humor (god, how I laugh at my own jokes), ambition (tons of it!), honesty and transparency (brutal levels of it, even). So all good in that department.

But then…oh then…
Then I got to the part where I find most men similarly lacking. (Emotional) maturity? Better yet….emotional availability? Or the even more powerful ’emotionally stable’?(Starting to see a pattern yet?)
Commitment readiness? Openness to others? Willingness for compromise

RED BUZZER.

NOW…
I realize that I have a tendency to overexaggerate (really, don’t take ANYTHING at face value round here) and am generally in a lot better state than I let on through my writing here (a bit of drama just reads better, don’t it) but on the whole I’m definitely not in a dateable zone in that regard.

Emotionally I’d score myself an F on all the fronts that would make a person a good candidate. Red flag paradise. And I fucking hate Cosmopolitan(-esque) for rubbing my nose in it. Because if there’s one thing that’s a fucking pain in the ass, it’s working on yourself on an emotional level.

And suuuuuuuuure – I suppose not being hung up on an ex, and being actually willing to open up to new people and eventually wanting to commit to a person instead of forever keeping a safe distance MIGHT help in yaknow….finding love…

But I didn’t need a magazine to tell me that.
I could’ve lived happily in denial, blaming everyone but me, for quite some time – thank you very much.

Why couldn’t the one question have been ‘Would you share your food with him?’ (Because when answered with yes instead of a fork to the hand, that’s a pretty telltale sign of potential) or ‘Would you not cut his tendons so zombies would eat him first and allow your escape in case of a apocalypse?’ (which in light of corona might become true soon enough)? THOSE questions I can at least give answers to that would ensure that I end up NOT an old spinster.

Now instead I got all this crap I need to work on before I can blame the inner workings of Tinder and the male brain again. Damnit.


PS. My ventures onto other blogs tell me that, if I want to be successful, this is where I end with that same open question to you all: ‘would you date yourself’? But honestly. Who am I kidding. You probably don’t wanna hear that answer any more than I did ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿค.

91 thoughts on “Would you date yourself?

  1. In answer to your question – would I date myself? – men get desperate, maybe! And an observation – my wife of 45 years tomorrow (anniversary not age though she’s still got it – whatever that is?) says a little bit too often ‘If I’d known the shape of your head I’d have thought a little longer before saying yes’ – it’s why I wear a hat! This my long-winded English way of saying I enjoyed your post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well – the shape of your head is much appreciated round these parts (is that a valid way of saying I enjoyed your comment?) XD
      Luckily, you can just stick to the lovely-sounding wife instead of figuring your own dateability out :O

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚
    The image of you โ€œrunning for the hills, screaming ..โ€ ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

    Please donโ€™t!
    Instead: Do the necessary โ€˜healthy – dirtyโ€™ work on yourself to โ€˜become the perfect candidate for a healthy relationshipโ€™!

    You can! You know that. And you hold the keys (to your future).

    Indeed: you do have tons of qualities and you deserve to find your special someone to live the life you crave for.

    Simply because your worth it.
    I believe in you! Wish you the best!

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Would I date myself? That’s a really hard question! And I don’t like that it seems to draw one’s focus towards finding things wrong with yourself to fix.

    Here’s what I much prefer… accept yourself as you are. That’s the most important thing. And then, on top of that, if there are things *you would like to improve* about yourself, then by all means go for it.

    I tend to find that when you’re obsessed with making yourself more date-able, that just drives narcissism and inward-focus and ironically can make you less date-able! But when you feel comfortable with yourself (even with imperfections), you’ll focus much more on the other person, which (for me), makes you come across as more confident and comfortable in your own skin… which is inherently attractive!

    Sh1tty magazines like this exist to make us feel insecure, so we’ll buy a myriad of the beauty products they are hawking. *PUKE*

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Would you date yourself 40 years from now? Would you date Jesus, Mary, or John the Baptist? If you are at the stage where you can analyze yourself and your “self” semi-objectively, you will probably turn out just fine.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. You could have made me think you are 16. I guess women don’t (in your case at least) play the age game so much nowadays.

        Like

      2. I wouldn’t even know what the age game is, to be honest ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿคญ
        Although I’m wondering if I should be offended because I apparently come across as a 16 year old ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ต

        Like

  5. Hell yes I would date myself.

    Open and trustworthy.
    Honest and handsome.
    Fun and kind.
    Polyamorous.
    Very good in the bedroom department…

    Yeah, now I come to think about it, I’m quite the catch.

    Also, so are you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I dunno….I’d check ‘no’ on most of ‘your’ boxes when applying them to me…I’m mostly not any of those things ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜‡

      so how could I be a catch ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

    2. It’s a good thing you would date you tho…

      I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even if they’d pay me for it with those particular statistics. You pretty much sound like my ex. And that’s not really a compliment ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคฃ.

      #sorrynotsorry

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One of your ‘good’s has quite recently become one of my worst nightmares and turn-offs. Plus – too much self-confidence (and anonimity in commenting) is also unattractive to the max ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜†

        But hey, if you’re happy with your you, that’s a win in itself.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve written myself into some pretty interesting alter-egos… so dating myself might mean dating a “me” from one of my stories.
    That could be a real adventure.
    Thing is,
    I’m already looking at kind of an adventure and I dunno if I have room for them both.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Honestly… probably not ๐Ÿ˜‚. But itโ€™s kind of a silly question. I wouldnโ€™t want to date someone whoโ€™s exactly like me anyway. There need to be some differences. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ Is the question assuming youโ€™d be yourself while dating you, or would you be someone else entirely? ๐Ÿค”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Iโ€™ve sat here and thought about would I date myself and at first I was like โ€œof courseโ€ but then I was like โ€œno maโ€™am i wouldnโ€™tโ€ I too believe I have some dateable qualities, but I still have things to work on so no, I would not date myself.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. What a great post! If at my rather mature age of 71, if I wouldn’t date myself I would have problems ๐Ÿ™‚
    Plus being transgender has helped me to judge both sides of the gender fence!

    By the way, thanks for following my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Would I date myself? Yes – I laugh at my own jokes more than anyone else does. ๐Ÿ˜€
    Do I share my food with my husband of 21 years? – Depends what it is. I have quickly stuffed a box of chocolates down the back of the couch when he came into the room… He found them later, but blamed the kids.
    Would I slit his tendons so the zombies got him first? is that a trick question?

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Firstly, your commenters are an ‘interesting’ bunch, and secondly, I find the question of dating myself interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m my number one fan, but I doubt that I could put up with myself — too high maintenance. Somehow, I’ve been able to remain married for 48 years. Go figure? Possibly there is someone for everyone?
    Love your writing style.
    Terry

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha – I know right?!
      Like attracts like so it tends to get hilariously crazy in these comment sections. I wouldn’t want it any other way, I love it!

      48 years?!
      That’s over 1.5 times my lifespan. With the same person. You must be doing SOMETHING right xD

      And thank you so much for the compliment! ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿพ

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you for opening up and sharing so much of yourself in this post. It is often the questions we want to veer away from that we must need to engage with. By asking others and – more importantly – asking ourselves.

    Like you I see some positive qualities in myself that could mean I am be ‘dateable’. I’m kind to others, communicate well, listen and encourage others to tell their stories. But, there are other areas I believe I fall short. I can be overly shy when getting to know new people. My depression means I spend some days entirely plugged into my Xbox until I feel up to venturing out again. Thankfully, this is less than 5% of the total days in my life, but it can seem like an undateable quality.

    Thank you again for the encouragement to share.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sharing always opens doors for more sharing – glad this made you look at yourself from that angle because there’s a lot more positives on your list than negatives. So yay ๐Ÿ™‚

      You’re tight though. The toughest and most painful questions tend to be the ones that yield the most important answers and solutions…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that I’d be pretty fucked if I ever had to find someone like myself ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿคฃ I’m a mess of too many contradictions ๐Ÿ˜†
      Thanks for the compliments!

      Like

  13. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    First thing that came to my mind after reading this post was this video;

    About yourself, you are not given any option to date or not date. You’re just handed over a body, a brain and a personality that is naturally you and will stay that way until you are no more. You may try to introduce a few changes in your self but essentially how the nature made you, you are EXACTLY that with a few tweaks, of course.

    Those people suck in dating others who have not figured themselves out first. Or they believe they are different than what they actually ARE. Remember those true colors that people find in all of us which come as a shock? Yeah… that kind of individual which we refuse to admit. Some live in that self-denial until their last moments, some identify such issues earlier to live a better and happier lives.

    Now, this is my 2nd reblog of a newly-found interesting blogger within last 24 hours and I hope she won’t press stalking charges against me ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  14. As for the hair salon ritual, magazine reading in the club chair is something I actually enjoy. But it has everything to do with the salon and my hairdresser. God, it’s been so long now since I’ve gone due to the pandemic. Anyway, as for dating myself, that is such an intriguing question. It really makes you think. Yeah, I actually would! I’m a charmer and also very sincere, qualities I appreciate in a date. Would it last? Probably.

    Liked by 1 person

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