Still.

I write notes in my phone, every now and then. I find that it helps me gather thoughts that I otherwise might lose. But I usually avoid reading them back – because some thoughts just deserve to be lost.

Today I perused those snippets, knowingly deleting them as I went. Erasing their power. But this one I found and thought worthy of sharing. Because pain we share is halved, so they say in Dutch. ‘Gedeelde smart is halve smart’. Thing is….I think even half of this pain would still be torture to bear. Guess its worth the try none the less.

As memories fade,
And light dissolves..
I look ahead,
and still see you.

When silence breaks,
And cars pull up..
I shoot upright,
And still hear you.

But that car is only ever neighbors,
Thriving in those bright lit homes.
And however much I’d want it,
It’s still never you that comes.

Lay my fist upon the concrete,
Of yet another unbudging wall…
But that does nothing for our story,
Because there’s still none there, at all.

34 thoughts on “Still.

      1. I actually found this comment in my spam-box after rereading old posts (that was a mistake). Finding this for the recognisability…wasn’t
        Thanks for the tip, haha!
        No more reading back for me!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Heart wrenching!

    The imagery of “I look ahead,and still see you” The stage is set, immediately.

    You succeeding in capturing ýour’ moment, like a snapshot in words (and I can only ‘feel’ it in Black & White)

    Kudos for your special ability for expressing these feelings so ‘visual’ and so heartfelt!

    It’s telling for your inner live and the artist within you. Thanx for sharing, once again!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I left so many things behind
    on my journey from everything I had pretended to be for other people
    to everything I found along the way
    and then surprised myself by being able to weave into my own mirror –

    even if it’s still others who really see it,
    while I look into the glass like it’s something from a dream.

    I left a lot of it in a car
    that I practically lived in for a while,
    slept in a few times,
    drove around in, when my life was all circles
    and wept in it
    when that rain on the windscreen wasn’t getting the job done.

    Sometimes, being able to say so is all we have left.

    As fists against the wall go, this one is priceless.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Beautiful song. In fact, that whole album is my favourite of Springsteen’s.

        But that line about how I pray to get caught but I never do… Several months of tangled grief broke open tonight and left me crying like a bursting dam – sometimes that’s the closest we get to the release of being caught.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sad to hear …
        Still it’s part of life, and every now and then the floodgates may open, to release this build up tension (that otherwise wouldn’t really help us going forward anyway)

        And to let this dam burst, in the company of Zoewiezoe’s heartfelt poem and the beauty of the film noir The Boss unfolds for us … could have been worse.
        Hope you feel better after this relieve. Pray for ya!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I found the last lines so empowering! Sis, you do you, you delete those memories. Anyone who has left without a thought of coming back isn’t worth your time. Best to leave your trash in the past, you’ve got this 😊

    Like

      1. Sorry for the cliff-hanger, I accidentally hit the Post comment button early and then the day got in the way of finishing – lol. I think I was going to say something like .. and help us heal or see how we’ve moved on in our lives since then.
        I hope your days are brighter now and you’re moving on in a positive way. Cheers.

        Like

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