Have you ever worked yourself up into hysterics? For no apparent reason? With fullblown dedication? I have. Just last night, actually. Reading scary stories before bed? Turns out you’re never old enough for that.
So I slept with all windows and doors closed (as usual). And the lights on. Like a baby.
I forced myself out of bed in a sprint to the lightbutton even, and turned around and literally dove back into bed. High paced breathing, heart racing. Ears perked for every scary sound that indicated someone being in the house (there were a lot of ’em on this windy night). Hands clutching blanky for dear life. Trying desperately to keep all hands and feet ungrabbeably hid under it while avoiding turning around and looking at the dark window that would definitely have the reflection of an axe murderer just waiting there. And again. For no apparent reason.
Fact is – I made it to 31 without being dragged under the bed or out of a window or into a closet by one of these nighttime killers. Which either makes them horrible at monstering and thus a lot less scary. Or insanely good planners with a solid kill-approach for the future – in which case I’m fucked anyway and needn’t worry myself.
But once adrenaline gets pumping and your body and survival instinct kick in – you lose control of your senses and ‘the fear‘ just washes over you – regardless of all the smart, sensible grownup things you tell yourself. Right? That’s how that works right? When imagination takes over….the monstery presence still becomes a realistic enough scenario if you practice hard enough. And practice I did.
I remember all the times when I’d be home alone in a too big house. When an open door to the dark area that was always under construction at the top of the second floor stairs would get me too scared to get to my room right across from it.
Convincing myself I’d be snatched by something terrible as soon as I reached the last step (only to end up sprinting upstairs, pulling that door (to an empty room) closed and bounding into my bedroom unharmed). It didn’t help that there were actual bats in the nook of that way too huge and dark attic room that never got finished.
Fear was such a big part of life then. And I always kinda wondered if I was just an anxious kid or whether that’s normal childish behavior.
I remember all the times babysitting my little sister, watching movies, where we’d end up in a blind panic when she’d suddenly be convinced she saw someone in the backyard in the dark. Yelling on how she saw his silhouette in one of the many many windows. On how the curtain definitely moved. And she’d get into my head too. Riling eachother up. Full-blown scared little kids. Purely out of insane imagination.
Can you imagine how that would immediately knot your stomach? Make your heart fly to your throat while it pounds and pounds the blood around at high speed? How the fact that three of the backdoors being wide open (we had a strange flooring plan) had to mean a breathless sprint there – with the certainty of possibly getting murdered by a backyard stranger – as the brave big sister. How you’d bang the door closed, lock it and then backed away from the glass as if a sweaty palm could be slammed into it, followed by a horrid face, at any second like in all those movies?
‘Good times‘.
Because looking back…there were never any strangers in the backyard (that were out to murder us, at least) – and it always felt like we’d conquered something when we’d make it to morning.
This morning – however – I mostly woke to the realisation that I made it to sunrise as a grown-ass woman who can still lose it to her imagination.
Because after that initial hour of terror and self-inflicted scaredness… I somehow fell asleep and slept like a baby all through the night. Without any monsters. Except the ones in my head.
Ps. I mostly wrote this to see if it would induce that similar feeling of uneasiness and terror in you folk, just through the power of suggestion. Cause then I’d be less crazy for having that happen to me last night.
Zoewiezoe 
Ohh, this does sound scary and explains why I don’t read horror stories, when I freak out at a tiny creak.
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The ‘prize’ of a Rich and Vivid Imagination!
And to answer your question: I suppose it’s a ‘natural’ thing for kids. At least: I hope so. Because I can relate to it very much.
When I was about 3 years old I even had ‘imaginary friends’. Nowadays I hope those who I refer to as my actual friends are not ‘imaginary’ 😉
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You still remember things from when you were three? I have trouble remembering what I ate last night…damn!
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Two (and a few months more), actually. Oldest memories 🤫
Check (perhaps a bit trjcky 😉): what was on the menu last night? Copious amounts of … (je ne sais quoi…)?
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Wonderful and fantastic post zoe
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Thanks! 🙌🥳
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Whenever I know my husband will be out of town and I’ll be sleeping alone, I make sure to not watch ANY scary movies the week before or my imagination goes into overdrive, lol
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“But once adrenaline gets pumping and your body and survival instinct kick in – you lose control of your senses and ‘the fear‘ just washes over you – regardless of all the smart, sensible grownup things you tell yourself.”
Finally, someone understands and has been able to put it into words. This sums it up perfectly. All reasoning and logic flies out the window and you are left with nothing but fear. Thank you so much for figuring out how to convey this awful feeling. It will make it so much easier for me to explain to people who don’t suffer or understand.
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Always good to know that we’re not alone. In anything. Ever.
There’s always likeminded spirits just around the corner!
Kind ones, mind you – not the scary murdering ghosts kinds of spirits!
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Haha! Yeah, I am round the corner but not lurking there. Just chilling and trying not to freak out myself. It does make things easier knowing someone understands and is going through similar things.
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Also, hope you have a much better night tonight. Try not to flood your mind with fear. Do you have a weighted blanket? I got one and it does bring a lot more security to lonesome nights.
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That’s why I love Monsters Inc! It shows the monsters are just as afraid of kids as kids are of monsters
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This is yet another relatable post! I sleep with my lights on too, I hate dark rooms but wouldn’t mind being out in the dark. I loved the descriptive manner in which you wrote this one, took me on a trip right down the memory lane!
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Wow, that’s a great point. I never saw it from that perspective. Thank you!
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Hey There!!
I really love your content and have nominated you for the Liebster Award. You can check out my blog post for more details of the same.
I also need the lights on when i sleep especially if its at a hotel and after watching horror movies. So relatable
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How awesomely lovely!
Thank you so much!
Now I’d told myself when I started not to get into the blog award business so I’m going to have to pass, but I love that you nominated me!
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As a child, I took a flying leap into my bed at night, on several occasions, due to the monster under the bed. Now, as another grown ass woman, I do not watch horror movies, but have been jilted by disturbing content in movies or serials that invades my brain for a while or for a long time. Glad we’re both okay, though. 🙂
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LOLOLOL. I know what you mean, I really do avoid scary movies at night and I am 30 years old. If I end up watching a scary movie (for me Predator is scary with the invisible monster trying to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger and his men), I always try to watch a fun, light youtube or movie filled with happy scenes and no monsters to get my head right before I go to bed, so I don’t get to scared to sleep.
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Solid tactic!
(And great example!)
I have that same fear with any of the Jurassic Parks. Always require a lot of Jimmy Fallon or James Corden to get back to sleepable mode!
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