Sometimes you can’t help but accidentally overhear conversations and in doing so catch a glimpse of the unknown lives of random strangers. And admittedly…sometimes I can’t help myself…and listen in on purpose. There’s too much interesting things around us not to eavesdrop once in a while. Shame on me. I know. 0 shreds of decency here. Oh. And 0 remorse.
Yesterday I found myself at a softbal game up north and got in one such situations. While waiting in line for some classic cafeteria foods prepared in a greasy clubhouse kitchen – my ear fell on to two elderly people discussing…well…their lovelives.
These were the type of ‘awwww’ elderly people. You know the ones. All helpless and pruny. Fragile and with old-folk-cracking-voices. An gentleman of age and a slightly younger dame of grey. Distinguished. They discussed the passings of their partners right there next to the booth. And in doing so managed to put my entire life into perspective. Abruptly.
Because this old lady was asked how long it had been since she’d lost her partner. And she answered with a staggering ‘I’ve been alone for 26 years now ever since Mijndert passed’.
26 fucking years of fending for herself after the loss of a beloved partner. The inner romantic in me cheered at the lovely notion of it while simultaneously bawling her eyes out at the intense sadness.
We current day maniacs rush into things. Rush through them. Rush along our imaginary life tracks and rush towards goals which are ever becoming more challenging. We no longer seem to have that time for appreciating time. And eachother.
When things are easily gained, attained and exhanged when needed, they tend to lose their value in a way.
Which becomes apparent on a lot of levels. These days it’s a rarity to work at a company for a lifetime. Someone at my firm, just last week, celebrated 40 years with the company. And all around were flabbergasted gasps, because that’s pretty much unheard of. We switch jobs as often and easily as we do our cars, houses…and partners. It’s all a matter of getting hooked, hooking up and moving on these days. Easy as switching jobs.
Lifetime connections and sticking with someone (or something) for an eternity is not done no more.
But when an elderly lady at a softball match just casually comments on her 26 year span of alone-time (by choice) in honor of a deceased husband which she never stopped loving…you really get life-slapped in the face with a reality check. Because love like that existed. Exists. And is still there to be had. Better yet – it’s not just reserved for the cute and croaky elderly folk either. It just takes a different look at spending time. It just takes dedication. And it just takes one success.
Because once you find/make that one right match – whether it’s a job, place or lover – you’ll have all the time to relish that. There’s never a rush. If you’re not afraid to go oldschool deep.
Beautiful blog, once again. It often strikes me: You have an exceptional eye and ear for detail. And these éveryday occurences’ apparently spark deep and thoroughly perceived notions and feelings. In sharing your thoughts with us, you make others more aware of the beauty to be found in the often as ‘common’ perceived world around us. Beauty is everywhere, as long as you are willing to see it. Thank you!
The same holds for love! You better believe it: love like this (actually) exists!
From my own experience I might add: It doesn’t come to you and it’s certainly not a one way street.
In Dutch we have the expression “Een relatie is een werkwoord” (“A relationship is a verb”), which I endorse.
So it starts with your own ‘stance’ as to who you are, what you want to receive and what you’re ‘willing’ to give.
As long as you are prepared to put in some effort yourself, fulfillment of what you seek should be within reach.
Don’t give up on the promise of ‘real love’: if you stop believing it, this becomes a selffulfilling prophecy.
Put your best foot forward (and ‘fix’ this FreekRobbertRolf fella, by showing him the actual ZoeWieZoe 😉).
Believe in your dreams! Don’t lower your standard, but instead raise your effort. You’re worth it! 😊
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My thanks for this lovely peptalk and your usual kind words is immense!
And yaaaay for the recognition on the making the common uncommon and the normal special!
That’s exactly my goal!
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Ah, what a beautiful observation! And life’s short for some, so my advice is to “go for it.” Go for the guy who smells good to you, or the gal who matches your level of cRaZy. And if you prefer to be alone, that’s cool too, just don’t let it keep you from going places and doing things. Life’s a real banquet! ❤️🦋🌀
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Go for the guy who smells good – that is SO on point to say 🤣🤣 I am literally capable of doing exactly that based on scent. Yesyesyes!
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I heard it years ago, by a chef who had asked her mom or grandmother how to know if “he was the one.” The advice given to her was, smell his armpits! Ha! If she liked his scent (pheromones), he was the one! 😀🤣
I know it sounds cRaZy to some, but it proved true with my 3rd/current marriage.
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Yup. Love is… burying your nose in your OH’s neck and just keep sniffing…. Inhale…😂
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There’s actually a valid evolutionary reason for that – your pheromones vary with your immune system etc. When you find someone smells good, it’s because their immune system complements yours – better chance of healthy off-spring. BUT your preference changes with your menstrual cycle, taking the pill, and with pregnancy….
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Sometimes looking around us and hearing and seeing pays😊
Life happens for us and love, success and happiness exists for us
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Wonderful post as always! I love the phrase Old-school Deep.
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Awesome!
Glad you enjoyed it!
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Another home run! You really made an excellent point here, “When things are easily gained, attained and exhanged when needed, they tend to lose their value in a way.” That right person is out there. I found mine 30 years ago. Take care.
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Thaaaaank you!!
(And Yay for finding yours!!)
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Wow, incredible post!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Old school will always re relevant throughout the ages and the new normal no matter how humans try to ignore it.
Thanks for sharing. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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My grandmotehr was like that. She survived my grandfatehr by about 25 years. Some people are like that and otehrs are married again the next year. People are just all different.
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Indeed they are – and we’re all affected by the age we grow up in. I wonder (and worry) how this current state of affairs is going to pan out in relationship forming for the next generations
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Zoe, I am one of the old folks you wrote about in this lovely, empathetic article. My soul mate and I met online when I was 65 and he was 66, twelve years after my husband’s death. We have been together for seven happy years. ❤ All the best! Cheryl
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That is so beautiful!
Fingers crossed there’s going to be more decades to add to that tally!
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Thank you, Zoe, for your good wishes. ❤ All the best!
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Thank you for this post. It made me reflect. I am now 63 years old. In the twilight of my years. Been married 37 years now. Retired 8 years ago after 39 years in military service. Yep, i too am old school deep.
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Those are exactly the types of numbers that make people these days gasp in shock!
Sounds like a lovely life result though 🙂
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The romantic in me loves this. I hope I find my right person. But no rush. It’ll happen when it happens. Great post thank you for eavesdropping on their conversation lol
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Wow fantastic blog post, i have been married two times before and my last divorce was ten years ago, I have been working in the same place for the last 13 years, my job has lasted longer than both my marriages put together lol I have no desire to marry again, well just never found the right woman for me i guess, but the love in my heart is ready to love someone for a lifetime, its never going to happen with me, but I have admired the people who stay together no matter what, to stick with one thing forever is very brave in my eyes.
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My wife and I had been married for about 6 years when I left her… Mostly due to depression messing up my perspective on everything. But good often comes out of difficult times. And that separation was awful, but also really healing. Eventually I had to confront the fact that I’d never truly committed to my wife, not really, not in my heart where it matters. So, when we eventually reconciled, I put that right. I promised her that we’d be together for the rest of our lives… And I 100% mean it. I found that it’s not about finding someone perfect, it’s about the (unromantic) notion of finding someone you enjoy spending time with, but is imperfect, and you choose to tolerate their bad parts because the good parts outweigh them. And then you commit, hopefully for the rest of your life. I don’t know what I’d do it my wife dies before me. Even though my mental health is really good right now, I still think I’d kill myself if she died. She’s my world.
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This is so romantic…in a slightly creepy morbid way. But definitely romantic!
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Also I kept misreading your title! I thought you meant Old School Derp… Some kind of classic idiocy? An ancient silly meme? No, you meant love. Awwwww.
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It’s such a relief to read these thoughts… I am used to change – a llot of it – , quickly bored, but definitely not a person to easily ‘throw away’ values in life. Especially not when it comes to relationships. But I sometimes feel ‘too old’ because of differences with the way younger people see things. You’ve already written a great post about a related subject and your colleague, and, again, I love the way you open your mind and look around and learn…🤎
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