Best car ever.

Today I’m driving to the land down under. Which in this particular case is the beautiful Limburg that holds my roots (-small barf-). And though I’ve managed to destruct most of the accent that gets a person laughed at on a daily basis – I do still venture down there every once in a while to visit the golden oldies, aka the grandparents. Mostly to see how much smaller my grandma has gotten (which might have something to do with the fact that my heels seem to keep getting taller). Gotta love the old folk (and grandmas cooking!!!)

Thing is…’s hot out there. I mean, temperatures have improved compared to the past few days – but it’s still a solid 26 degrees out there right now. And my car? My car does not have air-conditioning.

But Zoë….you drive a fancy lease-car from work don’t you?
Yes. Yes observant stranger, I do.

But the lesson I learned about a year ago is that when you let someone with 0 interest in cars order one online….that does not result in greatness.
See, I started at the company I work at as a ‘young professional’. AKA – we got lured in with a fancy business edition fully stocked car (a fucking amazeballs red Citroen C4 Cactus in my case, with the panorama roof and fancy multimedia system an’ everything in my case) for the first 4 years of our career. After that – you’re on your own. You get a lease-budget and, like the professional grownup that you are, select and arrange for your replacement. Which I did. On the online portal. Assuming all cars our company gave out would be above the basics.

So I sat there scrolling pictures. Thinking I still wanted something in the SUV-y looking categories. Pondered between a Peugeot 3008 and the Renault Captur and picked the latter because it was available in (what I thought to be) a pretty blue. WRONG. That was my first mistake. The pretty blue is a bland sort of blue-grey which looks like someone couldn’t decide on what kinds of ugly to combine. My next mistake was not reading the add-on accessories list like it was a nightstand bible and I’m an insomniac that needed to fall asleep. I assumed (and as we all know, assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups and to assume makes an ass out of u and me) that any car made in 2020 would be made with a radio and AC system. Standard.

Guess what. They’re not.

So I scrolled through the accessory list. Selected the parking sensors I couldn’t live without. Selected the fancy interior and the black mirrors. And hit send on that order. All was well in my life.

Until I got a call the week after. From the lease-company.
Ma’am, are you aware of the fact that you ordered your new Renault Captur without a radio, multimedia dock and AC-system?’ the boy on the other side asked me. I, of course, replied thankfully:
“Oh. No. I wasn’t. Good that you called! Please add them on for me then!” I said to him (obviously, because not checking those boxes was not a money thing).
Ehh. Yeah. No. I can’t. It’s already been taken into production.

And while my head was screaming something along the lines of ‘YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHY ARE YOU EVEN CALLING ME THEN!?’ internally – while considering the fact that there was probably an entire office of tweens there laughing their asses off at my incapability of car-ordering – I resigned myself to the fact that apparently I’d be driving a radio-less, ac-less car for the NEXT GODDAMN 4 YEARS.

Since then I’ve considered (many many a time) to total the car in order to get a new one, especially after this fucked-up-version of a ride took 4(!!!) months to be built and delivered even WITHOUT the most basic additions. But most days it’s not even that hard to survive. Unless temperatures, like today, are blazin’ and I’m going to be in the car for 3 hours (90 minutes to and fro) trying not to die and not to swim out of my seat.

But hey, first world problems right…after all I AM the proud owner of a car with speakers, but no way to use them. With blowers with no way to actually cool anything down and with EIGHT DAMN PARKING SENSORS AND NO WAY OF KNOWING WHICH ONE IS BEEPING! I play Russian Roulette with my car on the daily. But there’s kids in Africa who don’t have any cars to eat, so I shouldn’t complain. Right?

At least I’m gonna get grandmas cooking today. BOOYAH.

8 thoughts on “Best car ever.

  1. Smiles again.
    Laughing my cool ass 😎 Off, with the driver-SEAT-airco on (at the 2nd of three levels).
    Enjoy your ride! 😉


      1. Uhhuh! Snap ik: die airco gaat na vier jaar weer ‘over’, die ‘buigdingen’ (in mijn geval) niet.
        Maybe you and I (still) have one thing in common; We (intend to) Learn from our mistakes. (And ‘Another’ thing might be: an awkward sense of humor 😉)
        En daarmee is voor mij de kous (sock first, then shoe) af: ik hou op dit punt mijn poot stijf 😜


      2. Hahaha – de stijvest!
        Acceptabele humor is veel minder aantrekkelijk dan het mondhoek-krullende-wenkbrauw-optrekkende type. De ‘dit kan eigenlijk niet but I still giggled’ jokes. Goud.

        En qua learning from mistakes: ik ben oost-indisch geëmancipeerd. Volgende keer laat ik hem uitzoeken door een kerel. At least men know how to accesorize cars….I’ll just keep to accessorizing outfits 😁


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